Living For...Now? What's That Like?

03.25.2010

I’ve been so crazed trying to get my project done for tomorrow that I can’t imagine what it would be like if I had a child around. Well, of course I can’t imagine it because imagining is so different from reality. But I wonder about the pressures of “getting it all done”. I don’t know how my mom (or any single-parents, for that matter) did it. And, my mom was a teacher too which, I think, is just as demanding as being a parent. I don’t have any kids right now and, from the moment I wake up to the moment I crawl into bed at night, I have trouble figuring out where the day went. One of the problems is the program that I’m in. I spend my days putting together homework assignments and, because creativity is incredibly time-consuming, everything else in my life gets thrown to the wayside. And I hate that. My plants need watering (I’ve been praying for rain, but, alas, the rain gods aren’t heeding my call), I haven’t been exercising, and I haven’t been going to the supermarket to properly stock our house so we’ve been eating out a lot. And I hate that.

I’ve spent a lot of time blogging about how parents lose themselves in their children’s lives and/or don’t take time out for themselves and how much I find that to be disturbing. But, to counter-argue with myself, I wonder how differently I live my life now? I’m very involved in just surviving school and being able to keep up with the bare minimum needed to run a household (getting food supplies as needed, feeding cats and giving medicine when needed, actually squeezing in a few minutes to talk to Rob and/or my sister during the day, etc.). I think I have to check myself a little bit in that though it may be easy for me to criticize someone for not taking time out for herself (or himself) or taking the time to spend with friends and/or family, I don’t necessarily do that myself now (without kids). It’s important to take a look inward because it may no be completely about the fact that someone has a kid that makes his/her schedule tight, it’s just the way life’s chips falls into place. It’s impossible to have time for absolutely everyone and everything every day.

The Fast Pace: How Good Is It Really?

03.12.2010

So today on my facebook page, two mothers, and two women who don’t know each other, posted a message that had to do with the fact that their weekends were shot because of all the things they had to do that was related to their children. Soccer practice, birthday parties, school fundraisers, etc.

Now I know that parents do all of this because they love their kids and it’s part of the job. So I’m going to sound like a total snob when I say “See what happens when you have kids?” Not to equate pets with kids, but my morning and evening routines are completely wrapped around our cats’ feeding schedule and one of the cats’ medicine schedule. And, because of this rigid schedule, going away for a longer weekend or staying out later than usual on any given night is slightly altered because of this. But I do all of this because the rewards I get from having pets are greater than the scrunchiness I may feel at times because of my lack of flexibility. So, yes, I don’t have kids, but I understand that we do things for pets and people because we love them regardless of what it may entail.

Ok, so, having said that, I’m going to focus on the insanity that parents go through to give it ALL to their kids. Having been a full-time teacher for 2 years and a Lithuanian schoolteacher for 7 years, I have seen what a ragged schedule does to parents. Rob and I often talk about how much of yourself you must give up in order to raise a child, but what scares the hell out of me is, to what extent?

Some years back I read that some couples (up to 5 years before they were going to even start planning on having kids) were signing up on lists for daycares and pre-schools because they wanted to give their child the best. I guess these centers were teaching chess to 6 month olds or composition writing to 3 month olds or something.

I ask, Really, people?

Have we gotten to that level where we’re going to kill ourselves trying to have our kids speak 5 different languages, having them learn every single instrument in an orchestra, and have them play every single sport under the sun? I absolutely refuse to be a part of that culture and I can tell you that if I’m considered to be a horrible parent because I won’t subject my kid(s) to such a rigid schedule, then, well, so be it.

I didn’t grow up with a lot of money so my extra-curricular activities had to revolve around what was either free (playing in the building’s rec room) or one sport at school which cost, I think, $10 for the uniform. I did learn how to play the piano too and went to Lithuanian school on Saturdays, though I never considered that to be an extra-curricular activity. And having done all of these things, I don’t feel like I lost out on something. I told Rob that our child/ren will be able to choose a sport once a semester if they want, but there has to be one sport involved, and they will be required to learn an instrument, though he/she can choose the instrument. They will also attend Lithuanian school because that, to me, is an important part of growing culturally, and, yes, well, perhaps there is a little devil in me that says “I had to do it, so must you!”

But back to teaching… My heart would break every day for my students when I would watch them come into the classroom tired and exhausted from the day/night before. Sure they were teens so they were just normally tired so early in the morning, but I know that many of them had schedules that were hard to keep up with. I just don’t know what real, true benefit we’re giving to children by forcing them to always be on the go. I base most of my creativity that flows around in my head on all of the times I got to play make-believe with my friends or the times I would lose myself in a book. We, as adults, can understand how necessary downtime is and how rarely we get it. Why do we take that away from our children? And how are we better individuals, spouses and parents if we’re tired all the time?