The Clothing Store Experience

08.27.2010

I was at Ross and while standing in line I noticed a mother with her teenaged daughter and another child of about three in a stroller. I would normally make no comment on someone’s race, religion or ethnicity, etc, as I believe such information is unnecessary, but for my particular story it is.

Judging by the head scarves that both mother and daughter wore, I’m guessing that they were Muslim. (I acknowledge that I could be wrong but for the sake of my story, let’s say they were.)

I admit that, like most Americans, I know very little about this religion or its customs. And even though what I saw happened could’ve occurred to anyone, it’s the daughter’s attitude that struck a chord with me.

There were two things I saw. First, when the family was called to the register, the teenaged daughter went ahead of her mother who was having trouble carrying clothes in one hand and pushing the stroller with the other. When the mother dropped a pair of shoes, she yelled out to her daughter (in their native language) who turned around, with an attitude, and said what I imagined to be something along the lines of, “What?” or “How is that my problem?”

The mother said something to make her daughter walk back while at the same time kicking the pair of shoes at her. I was shocked. She was holding one other thing in her hand and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just bend down to pick them up. Why did she kick the shoes at her daughter?

Once at the register, I observed the daughter giving total attitude to her mom. You know, the typical teenaged attitude that expresses you so totally and seriously don’t want to be seen with your mom because she’s so lame and doesn’t know anything.

This made me think about cultural differences. Does this kind of an attitude among teens exist in the Muslim world? What I do know about them is that they’re deeply religious and very tight with their families. Was this girl’s attitude a result of living in the States?

I’m sure this behavior is blamed on the Americanization of their culture…but is that really true? Yes, we value materialism. Yes, we value money. Yes, we value fame and power. But I wonder if teens act in the same way regardless of their family history and regardless of what part of the world they live in. Or is the “typical teen” as we know it purely a product of American consumerism?

Firstborns

06.24.2010

I often contemplate birth order and have, in the past, read about it in psychology books and stuff. For the most part, I agree with what doctors and researchers say, such as the firstborns tend to be more methodical, careful, and thoughtful (I’m a first born, though I was a single child for 7 years). Sometimes I wonder how much of these characteristics are innate and how much of it is because that’s how (a) parent(s) treat the firstborn.

For example, all parents that I’ve talked to say they completely freak out with every single boo-boo, fall, stumble, cough, odd poop, cry, etc. with the firstborn. By the time the second one rolls around, as long as the child isn’t bleeding, he/she can do anything. The firstborns lay the track and test out the parents’ skills in order for any child born into the family afterwards to have it easy breezy.

How unfair is this? My whole life I thought it’s been unfair, but then…I’m biased.

I was talking to someone today about this very thing and I was told that it is for this reason (the fact that 2^nd and 3^rd, etc. children that are born) tend to be find more success in their life than the firstborn. Because the older child will constantly err on the side of caution, it is the other siblings that learn from an early age to take risks because the parents let them. That's not to say firstborns can't find success - if you ask me, it is the firstborns that can be hellbent on success by working harder and longer because we're determined to prove ourselves.

But...in order to achieve success, a certain amount of risk does need to be taken. Rob and I are both firstborns and both have difficulty in taking risks. We both have trouble experiencing new things and we think everything through until the issue has no life in it anymore. This is actually quite a downside in our relationship. It poses a huge risk for things to remain stagnant.

So really….how much is it innate and how much is it because our parent(s) treated us in a certain kind of way? This is one more reason why I'm scared to have kids. Will I find myself treating my child differently because he/she is the firstborn and I will expect more out of him/her because he/she is “older?” And will I treat the younger child(ren) differently because, well, they’re the “baby” and need more help? Whatever the case may be, I think each child is different with a different set of strengths and weaknesses and that’s what should dictate whether or not a child can or can’t do something.

Thank You Budget Cuts

04.25.2010

We went out for my mother-in-law’s birthday today and she and I caught up on some of the insanity that she faces at work. She is a counselor at a public high school with LAUSD and the story she parlayed to me made my blood boil. (I am so happy I didn’t pursue the teaching route. Oh my, am I happy.)

Thanks to the budget cuts, her counseling department is losing 2 people. So instead of 6 counselors (which already was pinching them), they will have 4. Each counselor will now be required to take care of over 600 students each, checking their class status, grade status, career and college preparation, keep up with any probations, IEPs (special ed requirements), etc. Whoever’s reading this imagine yourself in that position please. In an 8 hour work day, you’re required to deal with all of that (not counting any interruptions you might have when a student is acting out in class and you are called to handle the situation). And you must deal with all of this, including a hazardous work environment, all of this for about $40,000 a year to $60,000 (depending on your status with LAUSD). Attractive, eh? My former boss makes about $70K - $80K to sit on her ass all day…I’d certainly choose that over the above choice.

So the story my MIL told me was about how 2 different students were giving her a whole lot of attitude with statements like, “I don’t have to listen to you” or “Who are you to tell me what to do?” or, even better, a student defiantly eating an unfinished box of pizza that he illegally got delivered to school by his homies because he didn’t want to throw it away. And apparently that was more important than getting to class – for which he was already late. He just stood there in front of her stuffing his face with the pizza refusing to throw out the box.

What do you do? How the hell to you deal with this? How do you go through the motions at work, deal with the stress of everything involved and go home in a good mood? We are creating a sick, toxic-filled environment for everyone involved.

This kind of shit drives me crazy especially because it contributes to a vicious cycle. These kids come from damaged families and are filled with hate so they’re taking it out on other adults because they’ve learned to not trust them.

And these kids come from families who keep having kids. And they keep having kids because the god damn Catholic church refuses to accept contraception. Or parents are in denial that their kids are having sex and so they don’t arm them with the knowledge about contraception.

Now the school budget is being cut even more decreasing the amount of security on campuses, the amount of administrators, teachers and support staff. And my mother-in-law predicted, and rightly so I think, that they’re going to keep cutting it over the next few years and won’t stop until another Columbine occurs. It’s going to take a mass shooting where mass amounts of death occur for people to wake up and realize how broken our education system is. And who knows if even that will happen because all that ever seems to ignite is “Who cares that people died? Don’t take away my 2^nd Amendment right to bear arms!”