Passing Thoughts

01.12.2011

- What makes up a person’s personality? How much of it is parental influence and how much is innate?

- Why and how do some children grow up to have a different set of values from their parents?

- It never ceases to amaze me that siblings can grow up under the same roof with the same parents and yet grow up to be completely different.

- What makes a child more sociable than another? How much of a child’s hesitancy to be social because of a parent’s fears and how much is it because it’s innate?

- Why could a parent have a more challenging relationship with one child than another?

Moments Fade In, Moments Fade Out

10.02.2010

Today was the Lithuanian Fair. What always hits me is seeing kids grow up, become teens, and young adults, and eventually party like we used to. It’s like watching a movie of my life play out right in front of me only with different stars.

Last year I had an absolute blast. That’s not to say I didn’t have fun this year; I did. But I didn’t drink as much and my circle of childless friends has grown smaller since then. The kind of fun to be had now is on a different level. I don’t hang out at the bar anymore and I’m not looking to find out where the after-parties are going to be. Not that I did all that last year but just…this year seemed emotionally different.

I must admit that throughout the day I felt pangs of desire to have a family. I watched mothers with their little ones go to the “kid’s fun zone” or carrying their very little ones around or pushing them in a stroller and, well, I felt left out. There was a moment where Rob got “attacked” by our friends’ two kids and they kept jumping on him and asking him to give them a piggy back ride (together, mind you) and pretend they were different superheroes and/or villains. It was wonderful watching Rob participate and engage these kids and I momentarily caught a glimpse of a possible future.

But as I sat there watching and observing moments in time pulse in front of me, I also couldn’t help but be saddened though I’m not really able to identify why. Is it fear of the fact that in order to have a child I need to give up the only reality that I now know that is masked in sadness? Is it fear of the fact I may one day regret the decision to never have kids that is masked in sadness? Or is it fear of the fact that I feel alone and that no one can make this decision for me that is masked in sadness?

Those moments that I observed faded in and out like a movie across a screen only that the movie is a one-of-a-kind, for my eyes only. The story, the sequence of events, and the interpretation is written, edited and directed by me. How many stars I want in it is all up to me. Who knows where next year, at this time, this one-of-a-kind movie will have taken me. Part of me eagerly awaits while the other wishes the book were written first so that I could just flip to the last page and find out.

Food for Thought

08.29.2010

Some brain exercises:

1. If you have a child, and if you could only pick one, what is the most important trait you wish to bestow upon him/her (love, self-confidence, altruism, etc)? Why?
2. In a state of emergency, you have time to grab 3 items before getting out of your house. What do you grab and why? (Don’t over think; name the first 3 that pop into your mind and THEN analyze why those are the items that you thought of.)
3. What characteristic about you would you (or do you) most regret your child inheriting (either genetically or because of learned behavior)? Why?

Designing Your Child

07.29.2010

1. If you could create the perfect baby but it meant it would have very little of your genetic traits, would you?

2a. If you could engineer a genetic edge, would you? (quicker sprint, higher IQ, perfect vision, etc.)
2b. If yes, what would the trait be and why?
2c. What would be the most you'd pay for it?

3. Do you think that the opportunity to genetically engineer children could become a type of eugenics?

4. Do you think that genetically engineered children would be available to minorities and the poor?

5. Do you believe that just because science can, it should?

If...Then Why?

06.25.2010

1) If it’s all about having kids, then why do we tell children to “dream big” instead of “dream of being a good mom/dad?”

2) If it’s all about having kids, then why do we set up systems that fail them?

3) If it’s all about having kids, then why go to school?

4) If it’s all about having kids, then why do so many parents feel like they having nothing to live for anymore once the kids move out of the house?

5) If it’s all about having kids, then why is there depression?

6) If it’s all about having kids, then why do parents forget about their individuality?

7) If it’s all about having kids, then why do people forget about their spouse?

8) If it’s all about having kids, then why don’t we stop abuse?

9) If it’s all about having kids, then why do so many parents refuse responsibility?

10) If it’s all about having kids, then why do we forget that it’s all about the kids?