Shower Drama

12.27.2010

What is baby shower etiquette? Who throws a shower for someone?

I’m going to find myself in a real pickle in a few months when it’s be time for a friend to have her baby shower. I already told her that I wouldn’t organize it. Sound mean? Well, yes. But it’s also for my protection.

I would do absolutely anything for this friend; however, my friend has a friend who is a nightmare to deal with. When my friend got married, I had to witness how this particular person brought my friend to tears or would stress her out beyond words because of her selfishness. Being the matron-of-honor, I threw the bridal shower and I refuse to go through what I went through to put that shower together. Granted, were I to throw the baby shower for my friend, I wouldn’t have to involve anyone else…but the negative energy of this friend would find its way into the planning processes, I’m sure. She single-handedly almost ruined my friend’s wedding because she insisted on making everything about her. I don’t want to have to deal with that, were I to throw a baby shower, because, Lord, it’s my friend who’s having a baby, not her. I told Rob that if I do throw the shower, I’m going to be one hell of a bitch. I’m done being polite.

I know my friend was slightly hurt when I made my declaration but I want to enjoy the process of throwing a party, not finding myself trying to swat away mosquitoes buzzing in my ear with their opinions. So I guess what I’m seeking is advice and/or thoughts on how to best handle this situation: Should I flat out refuse or should I do it but make sure the other woman isn’t involved and not feel like I’m doing something wrong?

(I already suggested that the other woman throw the shower but my friend refuses to entertain that idea.)

Not Sure How Much Planning Really Works

11.22.2010

While vegging out, I watched one of those baby programs on TLC. I don’t know what this one was called, maybe it was Bringing Baby Home. Anyway, I watched it because the personality of the new parents reminded me a little bit of me and Rob.

The woman, let’s call her Tina, described herself and her husband, who I’ll name Paul, to be very organized people. Paul, an accountant, spreadsheets everything. This made me laugh out loud because Rob’s reputation as the spreadsheet king is legendary in our family. He, meaning Rob, is also meticulous, organized and methodical. I, on the other hand, aspire to be all of these things. In my head I’ve reached this zenith, but down here, in reality, not so much. I have moments of clarity…but not as many as Rob would particularly like. Being organized is one of my favorite things to be in the whole wide world, and when I’m on top of it, it’s wonderful. I’m also one of those people who has post-its all over the house. Post-its with reminders, post-its with to-do lists, post-its for post-its. But then I forget to read them. See, I aspire.

But I’ve gone off topic. The TV show. The couple. They had all these things about their lives on a spreadsheet planned out along with the different ways they organized things once home from the hospital. This was probably the last time they had peace because when their baby woke up several hours after coming home, Tine realized that getting anything done was nearly impossible. The moment she sat down to have lunch, the baby woke up and cried. The next morning, she peeked in his room, saw that he was asleep, and decided to take a quick shower but the moment she turned on the water, he woke up. She said it was a real struggle to get used to a new way of doing things. She wouldn’t trade it for the world but it was definitely going to take getting used to.

It amazes me how a little baby can wreak so much havoc on people’s lives. And I say that endearingly. It doesn’t matter how many spreadsheets you create, how much you plan ahead, how many boxes you organize, that little baby is like a hurricane. A hurricane of love, but a hurricane nonetheless. I’m sure there are some things you can prep for but I’m getting increasingly convinced that it doesn’t matter how many baby books you read, how many classes you might take, with how many people you might speak, nothing can prepare you for your life with a baby. It’s all trial and error and flying by the seat of your pants.

What a unique and terrifying and thrilling experience it must be.