12.30.2010
I decided tonight that friendship is more important than any silly grudge I might have toward someone. If my friend who’s pregnant still wants me to throw her a shower, I’m going to do it. She’s like a sister to me and as I’d do anything for her, I’d do anything for my little “niece”-to-be too. I will relish the control (unless I’m to share it with anyone other than this particular person against whom I hold a grudge). Life’s too short.
12.27.2010
What is baby shower etiquette? Who throws a shower for someone?
I’m going to find myself in a real pickle in a few months when it’s be time for a friend to have her baby shower. I already told her that I wouldn’t organize it. Sound mean? Well, yes. But it’s also for my protection.
I would do absolutely anything for this friend; however, my friend has a friend who is a nightmare to deal with. When my friend got married, I had to witness how this particular person brought my friend to tears or would stress her out beyond words because of her selfishness. Being the matron-of-honor, I threw the bridal shower and I refuse to go through what I went through to put that shower together. Granted, were I to throw the baby shower for my friend, I wouldn’t have to involve anyone else…but the negative energy of this friend would find its way into the planning processes, I’m sure. She single-handedly almost ruined my friend’s wedding because she insisted on making everything about her. I don’t want to have to deal with that, were I to throw a baby shower, because, Lord, it’s my friend who’s having a baby, not her. I told Rob that if I do throw the shower, I’m going to be one hell of a bitch. I’m done being polite.
I know my friend was slightly hurt when I made my declaration but I want to enjoy the process of throwing a party, not finding myself trying to swat away mosquitoes buzzing in my ear with their opinions. So I guess what I’m seeking is advice and/or thoughts on how to best handle this situation: Should I flat out refuse or should I do it but make sure the other woman isn’t involved and not feel like I’m doing something wrong?
(I already suggested that the other woman throw the shower but my friend refuses to entertain that idea.)
11.27.2010
I heard from a friend some time ago that women don’t have baby showers after their first child. Shocked, I asked, “Why?” because this doesn’t make any sense to me. She explained that it’s not proper etiquette since one shower should be enough.
I remember when the little boy was born for the family for whom I babysat while in college, the mom said she wished that she had a shower because their first kid was a girl and they had all this stuff that was incompatible. I suppose it is for this reason why it’s safest to collect unisex clothes unless you’re sure you’re only going to have one child. But limiting it to just one shower seems unfair.
Rob and I discussed this issue today because I wanted to get his opinion on the matter (since men care so much, right?). He said he thought that it was mostly about the woman. Here’s a summary of what he said:
When a girl reaches the age of 16, she gets a Sweet 16 party. (I didn’t.) And that’s a party to recognize her leaving one stage of her life and entering the next. Then, when she’s engaged, she gets a bridal shower to welcome her into the next stage, which is then eventually followed by a baby shower. When a woman has a second child, she’s already had the ritual of being “showered” into that phase of her life; therefore, there’s no need for another one.
That makes sense and I can see that. I googled whether or not one could have more than one shower and it seems like many comments out there are asking, “Why not?” Hell, that’s what I ask. While one may not necessarily register for the big ticket items like strollers, cribs or car seats, I think it’s still important to get new items for the second child. Even if there’s one-year difference, I doubt many parents keep bottles around, newborn clothes or swaddles. I think each child should be celebrated (even if I believe we’re overpopulated).
As I told Rob, if we decide to contribute to the overpopulation of the world by having more than one child, I will most definitely have more than one shower. I follow etiquette on certain things but I won’t be on that.
09.14.2010
OK, mommies…I need some help. I was invited to a baby shower and I, unfortunately, can’t go but I want to get the mommy-to-be something anyway. She is, of course, registered at various places but I'd like to find out from you moms out there what were some items that you really wished you had for the 1st year of baby’s life that you didn’t have because you didn't think to register for them or any items that you found you needed more of (besides diapers).
Thanks!
04.18.2010
I attended a baby shower today and a strange phenomenon happened. I’ve hosted baby showers before and I’ve certainly attended more than my share of these gatherings, but I think because of the blog, my age, and just the general “baby on the brain” mentality, I was hyper sensitive to the event.
When my friend was opening her gifts today there was all this “oohing” and “awing” with each gift and, I have to admit, the stuff was really cute. Especially the little baby clothes. We all agreed that her little boy was going to be on helluva well-dressed kid.
But with each piece of clothing that she received, it got me thinking. And the part of me that got to thinking wasn’t the logical, outline everything, think everything through part. I am very good at stifling my emotions (unless I’m pissed) and, as a defense from childhood, I keep them bottled in and deal with choices and decisions rather robotically. I mean, emotions always get you into trouble, right? That’s always been my philosophy.
So, what astounded me today is that as I watched my friend open her gifts, I caught myself thinking, “Just do it.” And, like, this maternal thing kicked in. (haha) I’m not talking about nurture, I’m talking about maternal. It was pure emotion taking over and it wasn’t about logistics. I have never in my life found myself in this position. Even in my single days, if I liked a guy, it was all up in my head and not my heart. It was never about “follow your heart," it was more about the intellectual side of it all. But this incident this afternoon really caught me off guard. And oddly…for a fleeting moment…I liked it. It made me feel comfortable. And warm. And happy.
Then when I left the shower I did what I usually do when leaving an unfamiliar place and got lost. I thought I’d get back to the freeway the way I came, but at the last minute I decided to take a detour thinking that the freeway would be closer if I went in the opposite direction (based on a sign I read). Well, that wasn’t the case and as I’m weaving through this gorgeous Pasadena neighborhood listening to awesome music on the radio, I got this feeling, for the first time in my life, where I didn’t feel like a kid (young adult). Like, I had this weird moment with myself where I felt like an adult. I passed by all these gorgeous homes and I thought, “You need to get serious. You need to accept that you are not that seventeen-year old you keep insisting you are.” Being young in your heart is one thing. But actually deluding yourself that you’re going to “beat time” and be 17 forever is just not happening. It’s not, and the sooner that’s acknowledged and accepted, the better.
Then I thought about the detour I was on and reminded myself that life is one big detour. We may have a map in front of us and think that we know the direction that we’re going in, but what maps don’t tell you about are all the road closures that you might come across or any new roads that have been built. In other words, it’s during the detours, during those unexpected detours especially, that provide for an opportunity for the next step to be taken, the next lesson to be learned and/or the next (great) opportunity to arise.
I’m not saying I’m gonna run out and get pregnant now…but let’s just say that the idea of having a child is no longer so cold, so isolated…or so…robotic.
