Temporary Hold on Topic Explained

12.20.2010

I understand that there are people in this world who believe blindly whether it be religion, economics or in nothing. There are those who believe without questioning intellectually why they believe what they believe. Though I may disagree with such a mentality, I can accept it. To a point.

I’ve had my share of people approach me and evangelize and I’ve been scolded by friends for not attending church. I know of at least one person whose family members ostracize them for not having a religious wedding. All these actions are done in the name of Jesus Christ and God. Again, I disagree but I can accept. To a point.

I was raised Roman Catholic, attended Catholic schools most of my life and clearly remember lessons of God’s love, acceptance and patience of His children who, according to Christianity, we are all. I had a bit of a faith crisis at 17 but, in time, came to believe that a Higher Power exists although, to me, it isn’t in the way “God” was presented to me while growing up. I believe in respect, in love and in equality and I try my best to live each day in that regard. Therefore, it astounds me when I see those same people who evangelize (and who have criticized me) turn around and act mean, with prejudice or with hatred.

I wrote last week about one of my students who is blind. I have learned to work around his special needs and push myself to figure out ways to make lessons interesting and engaging. Whether I succeed or not, I don’t know, but at least I know I try.

It was agreed upon several weeks ago that this student and I would share a reading during the Christmas pageant while his classmates reenacted the Nativity scene on stage. I waited for three weeks for the reading. I pleaded with the religion teacher every week to send the reading because my student’s mother needed to make sure it got transferred into Braille, not to mention giving us both a chance to rehearse.

I received the reading the night before the pageant. Not evening, night. This was too late for the student to get the reading and I ended up reading it myself. I was appalled, disgusted and embarrassed. This student, as it is, gets left out of a lot of activities and now a co-worker, and adult who should know better, contributed to him being left out of something in which his entire class and school was partaking. I was livid.

When I confronted this woman, she had excuse upon excuse as to why the reading was sent late but what she eventually admitted to is what sent my anger through the roof. This deeply religious, God-loving woman told me that having him read during the pageant wouldn’t have worked for her because he “needed to see what was on stage.” Barely containing my anger, I replied, “We would’ve worked out a signal when needed. Remember, we were to read together.” An onslaught of more excuses followed.

How do you do this to anyone much less a child? What disgusts me is how these religious fantatics don’t see their own hypocrisy. This woman preaches about God’s love and acceptance and yet doesn’t take the time to live by example. Is it a matter of convenience? When it’s comfortable to do good things then do them, if not then, oh well?

She serves as a living reason why I don’t go to Church anymore. It’s impossible to listen to someone tell me how I should live my life when I know the person cherry picks who to be kind to and who to conveniently ignore. That’s not how my Higher Power operates.

My Special Needs: More Benefit of the Doubt

10.23.10

Today, I felt like an ass.

I consider myself to be a compassionate person and one who sees all sides to things and I’m usually pretty good at foreseeing problems and/or being able to deal with crises as they come with a good head on my shoulders. Today, I shocked myself at how uncompassionate I could be.

I was on the playground at recess (at Lithuanian school) desperately trying to find a teacher in the 10 minutes we had when suddenly I heard blood curling screams to my immediate left. I walked over as the situation escalated. A boy of about 8 was shrieking at another boy and pointing his finger repeating, “You did it! On purpose!” I tried to gently put his hand down and tell him that that wasn’t necessary but he wouldn't listen. I observed the other boy of about the same age sink into himself paralyzed with fear.

I tried to get the screaming boy to explain to me what happened which then prompted him to shriek “My doughnut! He dropped it on purpose!” The other kid, of course, desperately said he didn’t and that it was an accident that then set the kid off even more.

By this point a father came over and tried to calm him down and I’m thinking to myself “Are you serious? You’re seriously throwing a tantrum over a doughnut?”

The more this kid screamed, I started to get uncomfortable and, honestly, somewhat scared because it didn’t matter what was being told to him, his anger kept escalating along with his voice and tears.

A mother (not his) came over and took control, sternly telling him to stop his behavior so that the other kid could apologize. For a moment it seemed like this kid was totally calmed down but when the other said, “I’m sorry. It was an accident” the kid started everything all over again.

The mom asked where the doughnut was and the kid, in between sobs, picked up the one bite that was left and the mom said, “Let’s go get another one.” This set him off even more yelling, “No! No! No!” He took the doughnut, lifted it in the air as if he was going to throw it on the ground. She sternly said, “Don’t you dare. Throw it in the trash but not on the ground.” He followed those directions but it didn’t stop him from continuing to yell, “No!”

The bell rang and I had to get back to class but the kid was still going at it. I walked back to my classroom and I must’ve had a perplexed and scared look on my face because one my kid’s moms asked if I was alright. I confided that I just saw a kid have a complete meltdown and that it makes me thankful for not having kids. She then asked which one it was, I pointed to him (because his teacher wouldn’t let him in the classroom until he calmed down) and she said, “Oh, no, no, no. He’s autistic.”

If I were a cartoon, my face would’ve turned into a donkey. I should’ve known by his reaction and inability to control his emotions that he was special needs. The only line of defense I have is that there are many children I come across that are unbelievably spoiled and whose similar tantrums I've witnessed, but I feel like I should’ve known better instead of jumping to judgment.

We all have our ticks and can react to situations in ways that we couldn’t have ever guessed. I’ve been through that, I get it. And, I guess for autistic kids, that’s a way of life. It’s a good reminder for me (for all of us) to keep in mind when we see a kid (or an adult) behave in a way that we wouldn’t necessarily think is “normal” to give that person the benefit of the doubt that he/she needs an extra moment or two to understand what’s going on and take whatever time is needed to process it. Who said kids can't teach us?