Overpopulation Depression

02.20.2011

I skimmed over an article on Yahoo! today about projections on how the world is going to look by 2050 population-wise. I couldn’t bring myself to read the entire article. For one, I can’t stand reading articles on the Internet; I’m a purist (I need to feel it – a newspaper, a magazine, etc - in my hands). Secondly, topics on overpopulation depress me and I start thinking about how having a child would contribute to this which then makes me feel like I’m carrying the Earth’s burden on my shoulders even though I, logically, know this to be ridiculous.

Ugh! It’s frustrating!

The countries with the most overpopulation are the poor ones. And the poor ones are usually the most religious. And those that are religious are against birth control. And here we go round and round the mulberry bush. I hate this topic. I wish religious institutions would get off their high-horse and discuss birth control. It would bring awareness to the dangers of STDs, it would bring awareness to unwanted pregnancies and its repercussions, and, most importantly, it would teach WOMEN responsible sexual activity not as a means of necessarily promoting it but to be protective and respective of one's body. Why are people so afraid of education? Why?

Temporary Hold on Topic Explained

12.20.2010

I understand that there are people in this world who believe blindly whether it be religion, economics or in nothing. There are those who believe without questioning intellectually why they believe what they believe. Though I may disagree with such a mentality, I can accept it. To a point.

I’ve had my share of people approach me and evangelize and I’ve been scolded by friends for not attending church. I know of at least one person whose family members ostracize them for not having a religious wedding. All these actions are done in the name of Jesus Christ and God. Again, I disagree but I can accept. To a point.

I was raised Roman Catholic, attended Catholic schools most of my life and clearly remember lessons of God’s love, acceptance and patience of His children who, according to Christianity, we are all. I had a bit of a faith crisis at 17 but, in time, came to believe that a Higher Power exists although, to me, it isn’t in the way “God” was presented to me while growing up. I believe in respect, in love and in equality and I try my best to live each day in that regard. Therefore, it astounds me when I see those same people who evangelize (and who have criticized me) turn around and act mean, with prejudice or with hatred.

I wrote last week about one of my students who is blind. I have learned to work around his special needs and push myself to figure out ways to make lessons interesting and engaging. Whether I succeed or not, I don’t know, but at least I know I try.

It was agreed upon several weeks ago that this student and I would share a reading during the Christmas pageant while his classmates reenacted the Nativity scene on stage. I waited for three weeks for the reading. I pleaded with the religion teacher every week to send the reading because my student’s mother needed to make sure it got transferred into Braille, not to mention giving us both a chance to rehearse.

I received the reading the night before the pageant. Not evening, night. This was too late for the student to get the reading and I ended up reading it myself. I was appalled, disgusted and embarrassed. This student, as it is, gets left out of a lot of activities and now a co-worker, and adult who should know better, contributed to him being left out of something in which his entire class and school was partaking. I was livid.

When I confronted this woman, she had excuse upon excuse as to why the reading was sent late but what she eventually admitted to is what sent my anger through the roof. This deeply religious, God-loving woman told me that having him read during the pageant wouldn’t have worked for her because he “needed to see what was on stage.” Barely containing my anger, I replied, “We would’ve worked out a signal when needed. Remember, we were to read together.” An onslaught of more excuses followed.

How do you do this to anyone much less a child? What disgusts me is how these religious fantatics don’t see their own hypocrisy. This woman preaches about God’s love and acceptance and yet doesn’t take the time to live by example. Is it a matter of convenience? When it’s comfortable to do good things then do them, if not then, oh well?

She serves as a living reason why I don’t go to Church anymore. It’s impossible to listen to someone tell me how I should live my life when I know the person cherry picks who to be kind to and who to conveniently ignore. That’s not how my Higher Power operates.

Temporary Hold on Today's Topic

12.18.2010

An incident occurred that I want to write about but I haven’t brought down my anger. I have to come up with a diplomatic way to explain the situation and my opinions and I can't do that yet. But, rest assured, I will discuss it because, I feel, it is emblematic of a larger portrayal of problems in our society when it comes to religion (and its fanatics).

Hypocrisy at Its Best

09.07.2010

I don’t think I’ve made it a secret how I feel about organized religion; however, I respect a person who believes and follows through on their beliefs. I don’t necessarily want those beliefs forced down my throat but if you say you follow a doctrine and go to mass every week and participate in activities, e.g., then I can see you’re a devout follower. What irks me is those people who say one thing and do the other.

There are people that I know of who are not religious by any means yet carried out a specific religious ceremony like a wedding, a baptism or communion in order to please family, friends, or a community. I don’t understand this.

Some years back, there were a bunch of women I knew of who were getting married and held their ceremony in a church but the last time they stepped foot in any church was at the age of 16. The only reason they were getting married in the church was because of their guests or their parents insisted that a priest marry them. Or, as in once case, a rabbi marry them. (It’s like having a shotgun marriage because, somehow, no one’s gonna figure out that a baby is born 6 months later. If we pretend something is one way then it must be true, right?)

This doesn’t make sense to me. I got lectured for not getting married in a church – especially the Lithuanian church. Now, in this same church, I see people going through various ceremonies from baptisms to communions to confirmations without ever stepping foot inside prior to that ritual. But you look at the pictures from these events and everyone’s standing at the altar proud as proud can be and…I just don’t get it. What is the purpose of going through a ritual if you don’t believe in it? I think it cheapens the whole experience and it cheapens the process for anyone who truly believes in the rite of passage that these rituals hold. And not to mention the negative subtext of the lesson a child learns from this experience. It's one thing to turn a new leaf but it's another to pretend to be a part of a community that never meant anything before and won't after.

We All Have Multiple Personalities

05.11.2010

I had a dentist’s appointment today – thank goddess for Novocain – and as we were talking about some mutual people that we know, it hit me how we all have different faces that we show different people. It’s as if we by nature have multiple personalities subconsciously cherry-picking what side of ourselves we will show to whom.

This particular individual that the dentist and I were talking about isn’t someone I necessarily know well but I do know a family member very well. To my dentist, this said individual is a really nice person, courteous and business-oriented.

The background that I happen to know is that this particular person not only mistreats family members but is a bigot and a racist who happens to be raising children with these beliefs. Where do we draw the line – at least in our heads – that someone may be nice overall but is doing something so unforgivable?

I think it’s incorrigible to be raising children with such beliefs especially when espousing Christian dogma. I know that this happens in the world and for many years I prided myself in not knowing anyone like that but in recent years, I’ve been taught that isn’t the case. Actually, on second thought, that’s not true. Growing up in the Lithuanian community, I came across many racists. The Lithuanian community is not…the most progressive, to put it mildly.

How do you tell a child that such teachings are wrong when he/she will experience it or see it out on the playground? How do you tell a child that he/she needs to take the “higher ground” when so many children and their parents don’t? And how do you hope that your child sees the good when there’s so much bad?

Homeschooling

04.08.2010

I haven’t touched upon an extremely controversial topic in a while, so I think I’ll talk about one today. Homeschooling.

About a year or two ago there was a huge dilemma when a family in Los Angeles County was charged with neglect and abuse of their children and it came out that the family was homeschooling their children. This prompted the government to pass a law (I think it was a law) that homeschooling had to abide by the same rules as public education and if someone did not have a teaching credential they had no business teaching children.

Well, all the parents who homeschool their children went into an uproar about this saying their rights were being denied and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Oh my…where do I begin?

Many parents who were interviewed and vehemently defending their choice in their kids’ education had only a high school diploma. Some went to college but never finished.[1]

Let me write the sentence again. “Many parents who were interviewed…had only a high school diploma.” A high school diploma. Those of us who went to high school, let’s think back. Twenty years later, do you remember Algebra I and Algebra II? How about Chemistry and Trigonometry? Oh, I know, how about Biology? I went to college and hold an MA today and I would be unable to teach a high school student Algebra, any of the sciences or even Spanish or French. And I took 5 years of French. So let me state this sentence again: Many parents…had only a high school diploma.

Where the HELL do they get off thinking they can teach their children?

Oh, wait, let’s see. You know what they’re teaching them? The Bible. That’s what encompasses their “schooling.” Every single parent interviewed in the article said the #1 reason they weren’t sending their kids to a public school was because they didn’t teach the from the Bible.

(See, there’s this thing called “separation of Church and State” that our founding fathers made sure to put into our Constitution. Shocking, I know, because so many people are convinced our founding fathers were Christian.)

I hate homeschooling. I absolutely hate it. Unless there’s an illness or some other kind of physical handicap, (and even then I waffle), I don’t see any reason for it. It makes children grow up to be socially challenged, scared of the world, and just naive. I have to agree that academically, many homeschooled children get higher marks on their tests and stuff, but I attribute that to the fact that they’re getting such single and undivided attention. Why did the education system put less children per teacher? It’s for that very same reason. But, when it comes to homeschooling, higher test scores, I feel, comes at a huge cost. These kids are more aloof and find it hard to trust.

Someone I know used to have a roommate who was homeschooled and he found it difficult to deal with her. He said she was totally sweet but because of her innocence, she was used and abused by people left, right and center. She just trusted people right off the bat and was always socially awkward in groups. How is this fair to do to a child? You make the child even more dependent on you (the parent) for their every need including social networking. I think it’s a horrible disservice to the overall developmental growth. You’re supposed to experience support, sharing secrets, fantasies and even fights and jealousies with friends. It’s all part of growing up and discovering the world around you. When you’re homeschooled, you’re entire life is your parents and any siblings that you may have. I can’t even fathom how that would appear to be an inviting way to raise children.

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[1] I read this in an LA Times article.

Gays, Children and the Right Thing To Believe

03.11.2010

I’ve been thinking a lot about some friends who are expecting their first child due later this year. Tracy and Jessica are no different from any other newly expectant parents and a few weeks ago, Tracy and I spent a lot of time talking about the notion of parenthood, adoption, and the issues that gay individuals face.[1]

Initially, they had decided to proceed with looking into adoption just in case Tracy would be unable to get pregnant, but upon their first try with, I believe, intra-vaginal insemination, the procedure worked. So they postponed adoption. Tracy and Jessica had used a known donor and Tracy and I discussed the different issues that come up with this scenario.

Tracy admitted that being in California, and particularly being in Los Angeles County, she doesn’t encounter prejudice as much as she would in another state. However, in this process, she and Jessica encountered pretty harsh discrimination.

In discussing the birth certificate, they have a choice of putting the donor’s name on the child’s certificate. If they were to do so and, let’s say, something happened to Tracy during childbirth, Jessica has absolutely no custody rights to the child. The child would go to the known donor even though he entered into this situation not as a father but merely a donor. As difficult as it may have been for all friends involved, they all agreed on a pretty strict and concise contract to outline the roles of each participant so that were anything to occur, the specifics would be clear.

If Tracy and Jessica were a heterosexual couple in the same situation, none of this would apply. If the woman received IVI using sperm from a donor and something happened to her, the donor wouldn’t get custody of the child, her husband would.

This really angers me. This goes beyond discrimination in my books. It’s a complete denial of the existence of one’s partner. It invalidates any feelings, any memories, any plans that two individuals have just because the individuals involved happen to be of the same sex.

And how is this for the protection of the child?

People who are against same sex marriages are incredibly narrow-minded. They would rather a child grow up in an abusive household as long as there’s a mother and a father. Or that the child grow up with an alcoholic parent so long as there’s a mother or a father. Or have the child grow up in a house where there ARE no parents because they’re constantly working, or are using drugs, or had kids to fulfill a social status and otherwise don’t care for them. But, as long as in that house is a mother and a father, it makes it OK.

Why must we define a relationship as real only if it is between a penis and a vagina? A relationship is so much more than just sex and frankly those people who keep saying “It’s against God’s will” or “It’s against nature” are only thinking about one thing: sex.

First of all, what is “God’s will” if not a human putting words into God’s mouth? A human wrote the Bible; it didn't write itself. And because of this, it is subject to interpretation and cannot be considered objective.

Secondly, “It’s against nature” is a stupid argument because homosexuality exists in nature. And not only does it exist in nature but it has existed throughout human history. I love when people try to argue that marriage has been between a man and a woman for all of history. Obviously these people have never heard of little ancient civilizations called the Greeks or the Romans. But that’s just history talk. Boring, edumacated shit.

Sex is a part of a relationship, a way to physically show your love for someone. But it’s not the definition of a relationship. I just yearn for the day when two individuals who love each other and accept each other can openly marry and openly raise a family without laws or people in a completely different county telling them how they can live their lives. (Remember that teeny part of American history when inter-racial marriages were outlawed?) Sigh... I’d rather have a family, no matter who makes it a family, raise children in a loving and comfortable home instead of opening up the newspaper and reading how one more child died in the hands of a foster parent who only cared in collecting state checks or at the hands of his/her own parent. But hey, I guess as long as the foster parent or biological parent is heterosexual then those children’s deaths don’t mean anything. Let’s just keep focusing on the issue of gay marriage and gays raising children because that’s the real threat.

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[1] Names changed to protect identity.

Religion, Children and Consequences

03.09.2010

Why don’t people understand that actions have consequences?! Let’s talk about people who shouldn’t be having kids (until they are better equipped to do so). There are two categories. There are those who shouldn’t be having kids because the families become a burden on the State. For example, a woman keeps having children to accrue more welfare who then digs herself deeper and deeper into a hole all the while the children are learning to repeat this cycle. (I propose starting by changing the damn system. That should solve a huge chunk of women having kids in order to collect checks. Children aren't items at Vons or Ralph's.)

The other category falls under the religious umbrella and this is the category I want to focus on today. I’m so tired of religion, mainly Christianity, not talking to its constituents about the seriousness of having a child. And I pick on Christianity because I was raised Roman Catholic. There’s this stupid, romantic notion that Christians have that as long as you believe in God all your problems will be solved (here’s that “magic pill” again!). And before I get attacked, yes, I do believe in God, though I don’t necessarily believe in the cookie cutter version of God that Catholics teach. But this belief that all you need is God to get through the day isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes you need the right talent, sometimes you need the right people in your life, or sometimes you need a paycheck to get through the day. My belief in God or saying a prayer may help give me strength to deal with the issue but the prayer itself isn’t going to solve the problem. You need to work at solving the problem.

Just like having and raising children takes work. The LA Times had an article yesterday about a Christian pastor heeding God’s call to bring a truck to places like Watts and offering women, particularly teens, free ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, and other things.[1] Throughout the article I thought, “Ok, good for these people. But I’m sure it’s coming…”

What’s the “it’s” I was referring to? Keep reading.

A teen told one of the counselors that she was going to keep her baby after getting confirmation that she was pregnant. Having already had one abortion because her boyfriend was in jail at the time and she was worried she wouldn’t be able to support a baby (!!), she decided that it was only right to keep this second child. The counselor responds, “I’m so happy you’re making this decision…Now do you have faith?”

[“THERE IT IS!” I yelled in my head.]

“I don’t really know what I am,” the girl responds. “But I have accepted God in my heart.”

“Good,” the counselor says. “Briana, that’s going to really help. Because life can be really hard, but God will be there for you, and Briana, I believe God has a plan and a purpose not only for you but for your baby too.”

[“BINGO!” I yelled.] Now, to dissect the hell out of this.

First, Briana is pregnant. AGAIN. Why are we advocating this? How is it that teaching about contraceptives is supposedly promoting sex but once they’re pregnant – MORE THAN ONCE – religion ignores the issue of premarital sex completely? Don’t we want to make sure that these teenaged girls DON’T get put in the position they find themselves in? Why are we advocating a more difficult life for these young girls instead of just teaching and talking about prevention?

Second, if someone like Briana is seeking out help with her pregnancy, what the hell does it matter if she has faith? Would she get turned away because she might not? I bet she would. These people who “heed God’s call” do so only under the condition that you believe in (their) God as well. And if you don’t, then, either “good riddance” or they force their religion down your throat. This always makes me laugh riotously because, oh, I don’t know. Didn’t Jesus help anyone and everyone regardless of whether they believed in him or not? Cause last I checked the sentiment “help they neighbor” it didn’t apply to just those who believed in a Christian God.

Third, the quote “life can be really hard but God will be there for you”….well, yeah, OK, but life is hard for anyone whether you believe in God or not.. We all need to get through the day somehow. Some people pray, some people meditate, some people throw a fist to the wall. Whatever.

And now to my favorite quote from the article. “I believe God has a plan and a purpose not only for you but for your baby too.” Really? Cause I was taught from an early age that God has a plan and a purpose for ALL of us whether we decided to have and raise a child or not. This is the kind of bullshit that religion feeds to people. I mean, when you’re a destitute teenager, how do you argue with an adult when he/she tells you that “God has a plan for you”? Hell, when you’re a destitute anyone, how do you argue with something like that? It makes you feel important and special and makes you feel validated in the decision(s) you made. But let’s get back to my very first point.

THE TEENAGER IS PREGNANT. We’re really validating this girl’s decision to get pregnant because God has a plan for her and her baby? We need to stop using God to justify every decision we make.

I’m sure there’s someone yelling back at me “What’s the alternative? Abortion?” Well, no, that’s necessarily what I’m saying. I mean, in full disclosure, I am pro-choice, but more than anything, I am pro-education. We need to stop putting societal blinders on and accept that there are people having pre-marital sex. You can teach about the dangers of sex, pregnancy, STDs and abstinence all together with the understanding that people are going to ultimately make their own decision. But when a person knows even just a little of what the consequences are, it will give him/her pause. But believing in God isn’t going to pay the bills. Having an education will. But if you’re a teen the chances of you completing college with a child fall to a very low percentage. Why would religion advocate a life for both mother and child that will most likely result in poverty? How is this beneficial for society as a whole?

Having faith is important; I won’t discount that. But we can’t use it as the sole excuse to help someone in need. We have so many families with 6, 7, 8 plus children because “it’s what God wants”. No! IT’S NOT! I saw God in a vision and He told me that that’s not what He wants. He wants us to care for those who already walk the Earth, He wants us to love unconditionally, and He wants us to help those in need without proselytizing. Having children isn’t a factory job where a woman cranks out babies while clocked in. We should be providing an environment where a child can learn and discover his/her world comfortably and where parents and/or supervising adults can provide the best childcare possible. I think it’s important to raise your children with whatever your beliefs are. Please, don’t get me wrong. But having this faith shouldn’t determine who we help and how, or deter one from knowing certain consequences. Having sex can lead to getting pregnant. It doesn’t happen randomly like some sort of an illness. It’s a very specific act with a very specific outcome. But when it’s kept hidden or when the issue(s) are swept under the rug, problems for everyone arise. And girls often find themselves in a cycle of having more and more children that they are unable to properly take care of. When you have a brood of children under one house, how is that a healthy environment for anyone?

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[1] Los Angeles Times, “A Drive to Reduce Abortions”, Monday, March 8, 2010, AA4.