Not So Clueless Behavior

12.06.2010

The universe must’ve read my yesterday’s posting because today I was having dinner at a food court when I heard a child crying uncontrollably while in the midst of a complete and utter meltdown. Like, the throw-himself-down-on-the-ground-kind of meltdown.

I took one look at the mom who seemed totally overwhelmed and my heart went out to her. After taking a moment to probably gather her strength, she lifted him off the ground, still screaming (though not kicking), and headed out of the food court. As hard as I know that was for her, I wanted to thank her because I knew once she was gone, we’d have quiet but she wouldn’t.

This reminded me of hearing stories from my mom and how she dealt with my sister’s screaming for the first 5 years of her life. I have a vague recollection of my sister’s constant crying but I do have a good recollection of our neighbor with a deep voice being the only one capable of calming her down. He spent many a night at our house while my mom was studying for her Master’s exams. My mom often retells the moments of how well she understood being pushed to the fringes of insanity by a crying child and would often walk away from her, go to the bathroom, cling to the sink and count for as long as it took her to calm down. She says that if she hadn’t done that she would’ve been arrested for child abuse.

I sometimes wonder how I’d be able to handle a child like that. Rob and I are pretty low key; I tend to have a lot of patience and it takes a lot to push me. But if I had a child that constantly cried and deprived me of sleep and sanity, then, well, I’m not quite sure what the outcome would be. I understand everything in phases…but…I don’t know…I’d be taking a lot of midnight walks and probably, like my mom, know how to count really, really, really well.

Clueless Behavior

12.05.2010

I know that it’s easy for me to say what I’m about to say because I don’t have a kid, that I can pick up and go, and I don’t have to worry about all the little things that come with having a kid. So, having said that, I’m still going to continue writing because I don’t think what I am about to complain about has so much to do with having a kid as it is being the kind of human being one was to begin with (i.e., before the kid).

I really dislike it when parents do or allow for the following:

- letting a child scream his/her head off in the store while continuing to shop as if nothing's wrong.

- allowing the child to eat unpaid for product while shopping. (I used to work at Wild Oats Markets and saw this on a daily basis. It is a health hazard and the store can – and will – get cited and marked down for allowing customers to do this.) It also makes it too easy for the parent to conveniently forget to pay for the product once at the check-out. My “favorite” was this woman who'd come into Wild Oats with her hella spoiled son, allow him to eat the top part of a muffin and then leave the bottom part somewhere hidden in the store for us to find, like it’s a treasure hunt in which we couldn’t wait to partake. If the kid’s hungry, feed him/her before going into the store or use the moment as a teaching tool that it's important to eat something once it's paid for because, before then, it's not yours. It still belongs to the store.

- the next happens especially when a store is swarming with customers: A parent with a kid of about 5 or 6 rides in the shopping cart (for which he/she is too big) and the parent stops in the middle of the path, goes off somewhere while the kid is left behind to kick the air out of boredom or do whatever while totally clueless that there are other customers trying to get by.

Once again, as the parent, you set an example to your kid(s) in how to behave and what’s acceptable or not. We all have to share this world and people appreciate those who share and who are considerate.

Baby Shower Etiquette

11.27.2010

I heard from a friend some time ago that women don’t have baby showers after their first child. Shocked, I asked, “Why?” because this doesn’t make any sense to me. She explained that it’s not proper etiquette since one shower should be enough.

I remember when the little boy was born for the family for whom I babysat while in college, the mom said she wished that she had a shower because their first kid was a girl and they had all this stuff that was incompatible. I suppose it is for this reason why it’s safest to collect unisex clothes unless you’re sure you’re only going to have one child. But limiting it to just one shower seems unfair.

Rob and I discussed this issue today because I wanted to get his opinion on the matter (since men care so much, right?). He said he thought that it was mostly about the woman. Here’s a summary of what he said:

When a girl reaches the age of 16, she gets a Sweet 16 party. (I didn’t.) And that’s a party to recognize her leaving one stage of her life and entering the next. Then, when she’s engaged, she gets a bridal shower to welcome her into the next stage, which is then eventually followed by a baby shower. When a woman has a second child, she’s already had the ritual of being “showered” into that phase of her life; therefore, there’s no need for another one.

That makes sense and I can see that. I googled whether or not one could have more than one shower and it seems like many comments out there are asking, “Why not?” Hell, that’s what I ask. While one may not necessarily register for the big ticket items like strollers, cribs or car seats, I think it’s still important to get new items for the second child. Even if there’s one-year difference, I doubt many parents keep bottles around, newborn clothes or swaddles. I think each child should be celebrated (even if I believe we’re overpopulated).

As I told Rob, if we decide to contribute to the overpopulation of the world by having more than one child, I will most definitely have more than one shower. I follow etiquette on certain things but I won’t be on that.

Kids and Cell Phones: A Necessary Item?

03.14.2010

I hate cell phones. I’ve always hated cell phones and it wasn’t until I went to graduate school that my then boyfriend, now husband, bought a phone for me because I was traveling so far that he wanted me to have one in case of an emergency. If it weren’t for that, I’d probably still not have a phone.

What I don’t understand is why parents give their children cell phones. The most common excuse is, “So I can get a hold of him/her whenever.” This is funny to me because when I was a kid, my mom always knew where I was. And where I was, was either school (can’t talk on the phone there), out with my friends (don’t need a phone there cause I’m actually with my friends), volleyball practice (can’t pass the ball and be on the phone at the same time), or playing the piano (and like volleyball, can’t play the keys and be on the phone). So let’s review, cause I’m a tad bit confused, exactly when would I have needed a phone?

OK, so my mom didn’t know where I was every minute of every day. But does a cell phone necessarily give you that opportunity? I mean, can’t a kid choose not to answer his/her phone and then lie about why he/she didn’t pick up? I think this notion of giving your kid a cell phone so you can track him/her gives the parent a false sense of security. If you truly knew where your kid was all the time, you wouldn’t need to use the phone as a means of contacting him/her. If your kid’s over at a friend’s house, you call the house or the parent in the house to get in touch with your kid. If you directly call your kid, how do you even know if he/she and his/her friends are being supervised? Cause again, just because your kid says the parent is there, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.

As a former teacher, I hate cell phones even more. Students text each other during class providing one more challenge to the teacher. Teachers continuously struggle to keep their students’ attention and now we’ve added one more poison to the mix. And parents have contributed to this. By law, a teacher can’t take away the phone(s) because it’s considered personal property. But just because you’re telling the student to put the phone away, it does not guarantee that the student will or has put it away. Or they might put it away momentarily and then, when the teacher’s not looking, discreetly pull out the phone and resume his/her conversation.

I was recently substituting at Lithuanian school for one of the older classes and I was appalled at the behavior of some of my former students. Today’s thirteen-year old is no different from when I was thirteen. Lord knows I knew it all back then and I was smarter than any “stupid adult” in the room, but in this particular situation, I was disgusted by the amount of disrespect going on with these damn phones. And it was by both the boys and the girls. I completely disregarded the law and immediately started taking away these phones because I honestly didn’t care if they found the sound of my voice boring or their assignment boring; I wasn’t going to allow for such behavior to go on on my watch. They had assignments they needed to do and they didn’t involve texting!

These stupid phones are actually stealing students’ education. The school day should be about school and I wish there were some way to regulate their use. Many schools have policies where the phones should be neatly tucked away in lockers or backpacks, but, yeah, really, people, let’s see the light. That ain’t happening. And parents need to be with it more and help schools enforce these rules.

I can’t imagine what kind of technology will be out there by the time our kids are in high school and it scares me because I’m going to be a very strict and mean parent. Just like I was never of the opinion that a 16-year old should get a brand new luxury car, I don’t think kids should have cell phones. Let me amend that. Perhaps a 16-year old is at an age where a cell phone might be a privilege, but certainly a 10-year old shouldn’t have one. I equate it with what I often saw when I lived in Europe. I would see young kids, as young as 10, smoking. They did it cause it was a cool thing to do and it made them look a certain way but was that really the best decision for them? They needed adults to guide them and teach them and then later, with a solid knowledge about the dangers of smoking, they can make their own decision. Having a cell phone might not fry your lungs, but adults have difficulty in behaving appropriately with them, how can we expect a child to know certain social protocols when no one’s teaching them what they are?