02.12.2011
I got some not-so-good news today about a family member and this, coupled with jet-lag and getting ready for a big project for tomorrow, has exhausted me both physically and emotionally. I can’t find the mental space to write anything meaningful.
09.06.2010
In this past week, I found out that three women whom I know are pregnant, two of whom are family members. I found out about two of the pregnancies in one conversation within minutes of each other and, though I’m thrilled for all three women, I kind of felt blindsided.
I feel like everyone around me is getting older, making rational decisions, buying homes, having children, and I’m still lost in the wilderness waiting to get the memo.
In addition to feeling blindsided, I felt…sad. For myself. I’m sure all three women are feeling an array of emotions and I don’t know the details of their planning process (except for one), but I felt sorry for myself because it wasn’t me with the news. (Keep reading, I bet what I’m about to say isn’t what you’re expecting.)
I don’t want to be pregnant and then relay the news to everyone. What I want is the confidence that these women have in the decision to have kids. This lack of confidence cuts on a deeper level every time I hear that someone I know is pregnant. I’m not saying that these women are not scared or aren’t worried (and I honestly am thrilled for them), but they made a decision and they forged onward. This is what I don’t have and this is what makes me sad.
