I Just Can't See It That Way

08.02.2010

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before but one of my personal challenges is my weight. I’ve been doing Weight Watchers since 2003 and I met my goal weight in January of 2005 and remained at that goal for about 5 minutes. Since then I’ve been creeping up and after last week, I’m the heaviest I’ve been since 2004 although I'm still far from where I was when I first walked through those doors to join. To spin this into a positive, it has been 6 years since I’ve been this weight and that’s what I should focus on. But I’m human and I’m me. So I won’t.

I’m so tired of weight being a problem. I’m so tired of having to write down what I eat. I’m so tired of having to portion control. I’m so tired of forcing myself to make the right decision when all I want is a chocolate chip cookie. I’m so tired of the daily emotional battle that in of itself can physically fatigue me. I’m so tired of not being able to fit into my clothes. I’m so tired of hating myself. I’m just. So. Tired.

Most people think I’m crazy when I tell them I’m petrified of gaining weight during pregnancy. The response is “But it’s a baby growing inside of you.” “Yes,” I tell them. “But all my brain registers is that the number on the scale is going up.” Food addiction, like any kind of an addiction, is a curse that never goes away. You can curb it, but its shadow is always nearby reminding you of its hooks in you.

So today I found an article that breaks down the weight gain and why there even is weight gain. I’m not saying I’m necessarily comfortable with the information but I’m putting it together so that if anyone else has the same problem, we can refer to the article and/or the list and (at least try to) convince ourselves that it’s all going to be OK and that it is possible to lose the gained weight. Even if it means having to lose it again.[1]

If baby weighs in at 7-8 lbs, here’s what accounts for the rest of a pregnancy's weight gain:

• Baby = 7-8 lbs
• Larger breasts = 1-3 lbs.
• Larger uterus = 2 lbs.
• Placenta = 1.5 lbs.
• Amniotic Fluid = 2 lbs.
• Increased blood volume = 3-4 lbs.
• Increased fluid volume = 3-4 lbs.
• Fat stores = 6-8 lbs.

[1] http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy-weight-gain/PR00111

Pregnancy: The Weight Issue

03.17.2010

I wonder how other women feel about the very fact that we’re the one who has to carry a baby for 9 months, gain weight, deal with an even more amount of hormones, and give birth. I understand that there’s no other way around that but it still irks me. Especially the gaining weight part. It’s difficult for me to imagine why some women say they love being pregnant. I see nothing attractive about it. I mean, sure, the ability to grow a life inside of you and actually feel the changes, I would imagine is kinda spectacular, but it’s still not enough to have me jump up and down in joy. I guess maybe something clicks inside of you and that part of you that “doesn’t care” kicks in because you’re totally giving of yourself to let this little being grow. But, it gives me pause.

I’ve had weight issues my entire life. There’s never been a time when it wasn’t in the foreground of my life and I’ve been on some kind of a diet since the age of 9. Since 2003, thanks to the awesomeness of Weight Watchers, I’ve been able to keep most of the weight off but I’m still about 15 lbs over my goal weight (that I reached in 2004 for, like, 2 minutes before I started going up the scale again). I’m slowly creeping down again and I’m absolutely freaking out in my mind about having to gain that weight back. I’ve already talked to a doctor about it and she told me that it’s actually possible to lose weight while pregnant. I also recently learned that for the weight that I’m supposed to be, I should only gain up to 25 lbs. This bit of info actually made me feel a little better because it would bring me to where I am now. If I got pregnant today and gained 25 lbs. it would put me pretty much to where I was when I joined WW and that freaks me out.

People tell me that you have to gain weight for the baby. Well, for someone with my issues, that’s easier said than done. I don’t know how I’m going to reconcile this issue of weight with pregnancy. I really don’t. I see women who are obese or grossly overweight getting pregnant left right and center and it terrifies me. It terrifies me for their health and for what they’re doing their baby. The bad habits that the mother has will transfer over to the child because we are a product of our environment. And given that both Rob and I (and our extended families) have similar issues with food and weight, I just feel like it’s going to constantly be an uphill battle. Just one more issue on my shoulders. How do women (with food/weight issues) handle this?