Staying Involved

02.26.2011

One of the most significant changes within the Lithuanian school community that I’ve noticed over the years is the number of dads that are involved. The school continuously operates on life support and it’s only by the dedication of its members that the school exists. While there are still more mothers that bring the kids to school, I’m impressed with the number of fathers who either bring the children themselves or come with their wives. None of us want to get up early Saturday morning and make the drive down to the school for 4 hours, but we do. A lot of the fathers are involved not just in bringing their kids but get on the parent committee to help put together events, parties and other school-related activities, and it makes me proud to be a part of a time where such behavior is acceptable. I have a cantankerous relationship with the Lithuanian community as a whole but like a family member I accept it for what it is and get out of it what I can and only hope that it gets out me something positive. It’s good for children to see both of their parents involved in any activity that they partake in. No, it’s not just good, it’s necessary. I know what it’s like to not have a parent (or two) come to something important to me and it’s a very lonely feeling. Having one parent participate is the cake while having both parents active in a child’s life is the icing.

All Magic, All The Time?

11.01.2010

I’ve been feeling inadequate lately and the main culprit for this is that I’ve been doing a lot of comparing of my life with others. I hate when I do this because it offers nothing good but, alas, I fell down that rabbit hole and now I’m dealing with it. (Or not.)

It seems like those with kids have all the answers to life. They’re always happy and life is lived for their kids, through their kids, and by their kids. This really makes me feel like a horrible individual that in order for one to be happy and content, one must have kids. We mainly hear stories of the fantastic, funny, imaginative, etc things that kids do and how all those things accumulated make a parent’s life so much richer. I, personally, would like to hear more stories of parents juggling life, their relationship with each other, work and time alone successfully. As magical as having a kid may be, I’m not so sure that it’s necessarily all magic all the time. But hell, maybe I’m wrong.

Is It "Just Because?"

05.15.2010

I had a discussion with Rob yesterday about a boy that he knows who is having some trouble at school. The boy is acting out and the parent was surprised to find out that the school wasn’t doing anything about these outbursts. He, I think, has been diagnosed with some disabilities and isn’t receiving the support that he should be receiving. Rob was frustrated to hear that this boy is getting picked on at school and is called names that increases his anger and instigates more outbursts. Having been picked on himself as a kid, Rob didn’t like hearing that the school tried discussing psychological reasons for his outbursts instead of just accepting how difficult it is to be a kid, especially a boy who may stand out from the crowd. Rob kept saying to me that sometimes psychology has nothing to do with it and that it’s merely just about being a kid.

I found myself disagreeing with him and, as usual, felt no hesitancy to express as much. He then told me that he got into fights a lot when he was a kid and that he turned out fine; that the fights had nothing to do with some sort of a psychological meltdown or that it was because of some hidden, deeper meaning. His fights were just about the fact that he was a kid trying to make it in the big, great (kid’s) world.

It’s one thing to find a kid who gets into one fight. Maybe two. But when a kid is getting into repeated fights, I will argue that there’s a deeper meaning. Kids will pick on kids who stand out. Hell, freakin’ adults do that. How many times did I have to listen to my former boss bitch about someone she didn’t consider to be up to her standards? But a kid who constantly disrupts class, gets into fights regardless of repeated steps taken to stop it, or a kid who breaks down emotionally at the slightest discrepancy to the day….I’m sorry, there’s a problem. A psychological problem that needs to be addressed immediately.

We all may have had our moments growing up where we got into fights at school, stole from others (like I did), or were mean ourselves by picking on others and we turned out OK. But I challenge to reflect on those times and what was going on in one's own life at that time that caused the manifestation of such behavior. It’s never because "I just 'felt' like it.” Every action is a reaction to something. This is a constant that leads into our adulthood but something we learn in childhood. Being a kid is never easy no matter where you fit on the spectrum of “normalcy” or “weirdness.”

Flying With Children

04.07.2010

Today I was finishing up breakfast and caught the beginning of The View. I used to watch this show all the time and then they got Elisabeth and after a while, I just couldn’t take her anymore and so I stopped watching. But, once in a blue moon, I’ll catch the show just to check in and see what’s going on. Today was a blue moon and boy was I glad I did.

One of the hot topics was children on planes. Surprisingly, Barbara Walters was all about how kids are annoying on planes and there should be a separate section on planes for parents with children. Well, this comment threw Elisabeth and Sherri into such a tizzy, defending parents who travel with their kids and how wrong Barbara was for her opinions, etc, etc. Elisabeth actually confessed that she hopes that other people on the plane will entertain her children so that she can catch a glimpse of a magazine. (This is how she reminded me of why I don’t like her. “Please, just don’t talk,” I want to continuously tell her.)

I hate to say it but those two (Elisabeth and Sherri) have quickly forgotten what it’s like for those without children to be on plane with children. First, before I go on, I want to say that I know that, in the end, parents do have it worse than I while traveling with their kids. I only have to deal with and listen to the child while flying, but the parent has to deal with the child before the flight, during the flight, and after the flight. I get that. But, now having said it, as a passenger, it sucks.

My sister and I got stuck sitting behind a woman and her two children on a direct flight from Paris to L.A. Let me repeat: Direct. One child was a toddler of about 2 or 3 and the other was about 1. The mother got so tired of dealing with her hyperactive toddler that she eventually just let him lay on the floor in the aisle blocking the path so passengers and the attendants had to climb over him if they wanted to pass by. The mother did absolutely nothing to curb his behavior or to make any kind of a gesture to move the child. When he wasn’t on the floor, he was standing in his chair either kicking it or staring at me in between the cracks of his chair and his mother’s. You would think that on a 10 or 11-hour flight a toddler would want to nap, but apparently that was too much to ask for. I won’t even go into the child across the aisle that was crying for a good portion of the two hours that we were waiting to take off. Again, I know that it’s hardest on the parents but if they’re in a different section or a completely different flight for parents only (as suggested by Whoopi), then there can be a child-parent party where everybody understands where the other is coming from. It’s kind of like when I go to a restaurant and a child is screaming and yelling or running around and the parents are doing nothing about it. I am not out to be a witness to this. Flights are getting increasingly expensive and people are getting increasingly cranky. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with separating parents and kids from the rest of the passengers.

Sick

04.02.2010

I’m so horribly sick today and have done nothing but piss away the day by watching TV. Once upon a time that would’ve sounded like heaven, but honestly, I feel so gross about it. My throat hurts so badly that just to breath is painful and Rob has done a good job in taking care of me, but there’s still something about a mother’s touch. I wish mine were here.