Studying and Observing

02.27.2011

We were at an Oscar party held by some friends whose 9-month old baby boy presented me with a very sweet memory. When we got to their house, he took one look at Rob, who has a goatee and wears glasses, and just stared at him with his jaw open. You could see he was studying Rob’s face and was trying to figure out why he looked so different from daddy. To watch this was so cool. After a moment, he outstretched his hand, patted Rob’s face a couple of times before realizing that a goatee and glasses scare him.

I’ve always been an observer, studying any number of subjects, and I found it fascinating to study this little boy as he tried to figure out if Rob was acceptable or not. Eventually I told Rob that I found out a while ago from his mom that outside of his dad, he’s still very unsure about accepting the company of other men. Women, on the other hand, he adores. Rob’s response to this was, “That’s my kind of man.” Sigh…

Send 'Em Outside! It's a Good Thing.

02.19.2011

I’ve been catching up on the LA Times from last weekend and I came across this article about the fact that kids who spend more time outside may be lowering their risk for near-sightedness later in life. Considering I just wrote an entry about TV harming babies’ brains, I thought it was fitting that I provide another example of how important it is for kids to be creative and see the world without a screen in front of them.

TV Watching Bad for Babies - Duh!

02.17.2011

When I was a kid, we didn’t own a TV until I was 8 and then the only reason we got one was because my sister’s dad and daughter moved-in with us from Lithuania and my mom felt that it would help them learn English. I hated not having a TV but I only missed it when I was reminded of the fact that we didn’t have one that was, honestly, not often. I would listen to records, play outside alone or with friends, and, I believe, nurtured the neurons that help me be creative.

When I was about 10, my mom instilled a rule that I couldn’t watch TV during the week at all and on the weekends, I was allowed 2 shows on Saturday and 2 shows on Sunday. Oh boy, did I hate that rule and I exploited every opportunity I could find to watch more. And trust me, there were many. Every time I hear the theme to Taxi or Cheers, I’m immediately brought to the late nights at my house where my mom and other adults were partying and she thought I was asleep but I was holed up in a student’s room, on guard at any moment to bolt out of there should my mom come down the hallway. Haha…yes, fun memories.

Now, older and hopefully wiser, I’m so grateful for those rules and plan to instill the same kind of rules should we have kids. I’ve always flinched at the thought of letting babies watch TV and I’m very glad that this article presents data that supports the notion that it’s not a good idea. Interestingly, educational material was shown to have neither a positive or negative effect on babies’ brain development. It was other kinds of shows that caused a developmental delay. Whatever the case may be, I’d rather be safe than sorry. Kids learn their ABCs and numbers when they’re supposed to. A 6-month old shouldn’t be watching Sesame Street because a parent’s convinced that he or she will start speaking by watching it. What’s wrong with letting your child develop naturally? This leads me into a discussion of those parents who scout out schools the minute they learn they’re going to have a baby and start teaching languages, musical instruments, and other things the moment the kid is born. I mean…this stuff makes my head spin.

His Smile

02.13.2011

I spent the latter part of the afternoon today at a girlfriend’s house playing with her 8-month old firmly gripping my fingers while we walked the circumference of their living room over and over. It was tremendous fun to witness his amazement at every nook and cranny, although, the thing that was most heartwarming was listening to his excited shrieks while “walking.” If a picture speaks a thousand words then a child’s smile speaks a million more…

Loud Smiles and Joys

01.18.2011

There’s a particular joy that arises when a toddler comes into the room and smiles. There is also a particular joy that arises when the same toddler discovers how annoying screaming is to adults and I get to leave.

“You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have The Facts of Life…”

Driving While Angry

01.15.2011

This morning, I was almost involved in an accident that would’ve been caused by an angry woman driving erratically.

When at a stop sign getting ready to make a left-hand turn, I noticed a car speeding down the street and decided to wait and see if the car would stop because for a moment it didn’t look like it would. When it stopped and I felt like my life wasn’t in danger, I started to turn and noticed a woman driver with a scowl on her face and a kid sitting in the front seat. There may have been a child in the backseat but I didn’t get a chance to see because mid-turn, the woman started to drive, flooring the accelerator and driving around me. I laid on the horn and yelled for only the air to hear, “You have a damn kid in the car!”

I could tell by one glance that this woman was angry and that she shouldn't have been behind the wheel. In addition to the danger she was posing, she was teaching a horrible lesson to her kid(s). I don’t know what happened to warrant such a reaction from her, and hopefully she wasn’t involved in any kind of an accident, but she certainly took a large gamble by getting behind the wheel in such a state of mind.

I’m not saying that I’ve never driven when angry. I have, and it's not right. I always feel silly once I calm down because no one else on the road knows I’m angry except that my hands are gesturing all over the place and I'm yelling or driving erratically. So what does that accomplish? We all gamble with our lives when we drive, so why do we choose to raise the stakes instead of taking a couple of minutes to calm down? And why do we increase the stakes even more with kids in the car?

I recently read something that has stuck with me: It’s better to lose a second in your life than lose your life in a second.

Be smart. Kids are learning.

Dueling Languages, Minor Victories

12.04.2010

Today I have to brag. For all the lip service I give about teenagers, I was very proud of my kids today. I gave them an assignment a month ago to prepare a debate about whether or not they believe our society values art. They had to prepare both sides because they’d only found out on the day of (today) which side they were arguing. They did such a great job and two actually got into it trying to one-up each other with their supportive arguments.

What makes me so proud is that, well, first you have to understand that to get any kids to speak Lithuanian is nearly impossible because English is the default language and it’s the “cool” language. No one wants to speak Lithuanian. I remember how it was; I was the same way. So these little victories that I have in the classroom where the kids not only speak Lithuanian but argue in Lithuanian means the world to me. They probably won’t remember the day or the moment, but I will. And for what it’s worth, for that split moment in time, they were speaking a different language and having fun. That, as a teacher, is incredibly gratifying.

Reading: A Parent's Guide, Part I

10.18.2010

In Sunday’s LA Times, there’s a special section about reading and a parent’s guide to it. I haven’t read it in its entirety but there are a few things that I thought were interesting. Instead of overwhelming the one or two readers I have, I’ll try and space the information out as I, myself, go through the guide. Since I’ll be picking and choosing info that I find interesting only, if anyone would like to look at the guide in its entirety, here’s the link: http://www.latimes.com/extras/readingby9/. The following info was gathered by Shelly Gabert (for the LA Times), I just consolidated it.

Beverly Hills based family and child therapist, Jenn Berman, Psy.D, and guest expert on parenting on “The Today Show,” urges parents to start reading with their child/ren as soon as possible and as often as possible. She outlines six “immediate” benefits of reading toward a child’s development.

Increases Vocabulary: “Just reading three picture books each week has been shown to increase vocabulary by 15% to 40%...”

Improves Listening Skills: “Being read to at home appears to help with listening comprehension…since most of the instructions a child receives early in life are oral, they will better understand what their teachers and their parents ask them to do.”

Improves Attention Span and Memory: “The ability to pay attention and the ability to remember facts are interconnected.”

Hones Reading and Writing Skills: According to research conducted by the US Department of Education, “children who are read to at least three times a week by a family member are almost twice as likely to score in the top 25% in reading…[and] students who read more had less fear of writing because of their exceptional grasp on written language.”

Builds Creativity and Imagination: "Reading nurtures a child’s ability to think outside the box.”

Enhances Enjoyment of Books: “Each time you read to your child, you are conditioning his or her brain to make an association between reading and pleasure. It starts when they are infants and as they learn to read themselves.”

Tomorrow I’ll have info on the Developmental Milestones of Early Literacy. Oddly, I found it fascinating.

Child Psychology: A Necessary Education

04.13.2010

Back in the fall of 2001, I was taking a child psychology class because I was considering going into teaching and thought I’d get some credential pre-reqs out of the way at the local JC.

This class transformed a lot in my way of thinking about children and the approach to their development. I passionately felt (and still do) that the class should be introduced to high school freshman and built upon for the next four years. There is so much information out there about the (psychological) development of a child starting from in utero through young adulthood. This particular class went up to the age of about 12, I think, and then later I took an adolescent psychology class which was an eye opener, as well.

I think that if teens are introduced to the basic knowledge of child psychology at a young age, a lot of questions would be answered because biology only covers a part of it and even though parents should be discussing sex with their children, let’s get real. That doesn’t really happen. I mean, I had “the talk” at age 7 with my mom when she was pregnant with my sister and even though I found it interesting, the last thing I wanted to discuss with my mother as a teen was the topic of sex.

But child psychology takes away the uncomfortable parts of “the talk” and approaches it from a developmental standpoint and offers discussions about how important a parent’s health is (mentally, physically and emotionally) and what happens to a newborn and how that changes in each subsequent month.

So many teenaged girls get pregnant not just out of ignorance but many of them choose to have and keep the baby because of religious reason and they have no idea what to expect. And, I’m sorry, their parents usually don’t know much themselves and so, a vicious cycle continues of not being properly educated with what is physiologically happening or going to happen.

For example, there are studies that show that a newborn can feel whether or not a mother wants him/her. Other studies show that the lack of being held as a newborn can lead to an attachment disorder later in life. The there’s other information about how a baby that is crawling has no concept of depth of space and danger and, if allowed to crawl on a table, will not realize that if he/she reaches the edge of a table, he/she will fall. Understanding where a child is developmentally at each stage, I think, can only make you a better, more understanding parent.

I’ve seen so many parents get angry at their children for doing basic things like grab items from a mom’s purse or off the shelf at a supermarket. Without properly knowing that a child figures out his/her world by grabbing, by touching, and even tasting, you just see a child doing an annoying act and, being stressed out, it’s easy to lose patience and call the child “stupid” for not knowing better. Now the child has been shamed and is learning that mom thinks he/she is stupid transferring all of this information into "fear." Fear of mom fear of not trying anything so as not to "look stupid."

So many people are afraid of education but it really is power and it really expands your understanding of the world around us. I wish more people would see that.

Innocence Lost

04.12.2010

I often think about the innocence that’s lost when we become adults. As children, we’re entitled to dream big, often encouraged by adults, and we believe in endless possibilities and in the goodness of people. At what point does that all evaporate? At some point, our hearts become hardened and we become more cynical than when we were younger. We also tend to lose our ability to dream. We become so focused on what’s “practical," so focused on how much money we don’t have or lamenting decisions that we made or didn’t make. It seems that getting older should make us wiser but it seems that it often makes us sadder or more cold-hearted. I suppose having kids would make someone’s heart softer or allow the adult to act silly again for the sake of the child. But what about the ability to dream? Or the notion that there’s good in all people regardless of race, ethnicity, or religion? Children are born innocent and learn certain behavior and beliefs from the adults that raise them or around them. Our own lives and how they shape out, and where we are at the particular point in our lives when we start having children, dictates how we’re going to raise our children.

In other words, if a woman is greatly unhappy with her life when she starts having kids, that unhappiness is going to dictate how she raises her kids. She might take out her anger at herself and her life on her children that, in turn, it will shape the kinds of people they become. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the mother (or parents) who are in a relatively good place in their lives (emotionally, financially, mentally, etc.) and the support they’re able to give their child will shape the person that child becomes. I mean, this isn’t news and is part of basic child psychology. But it seems to me that we think so little of this part of child development and, yet, it’s one of the biggest deciding factors to aid in a child’s development. It’s a little detail that has huge repercussions either way you look at it. I wish people paid more attention to it.