How Do Parents Do It?

02.03.2011

Happy Chinese New Year! Year of the Rabbit – it’s supposed to be a good one.

This passed week has been crazy and I can’t believe how fast it’s flown. In addition to the mile-long laundry list I had I’ve been under the weather. I always try to holistically heal myself first and if that doesn’t work then go to the doctor’s. Though I did go 3 weeks ago for my pink eye that I’m JUST NOW starting to get over. I think. I don’t know how parents have an insane schedule like I’ve had AND have time to be a parent. I understand that if it’s important enough, you’ll find the time for anything. But seriously, I really don’t get it.

And I’m sure all you parents out there are shaking you’re head and saying, “Of course you don’t.” Well, yes, I don’t. I’m barely surviving taking care of myself, Rob and two cats. Is it possible to survive on an even busier schedule? Hard to believe.

(I must take a hiatus for a week. I’ll be back next Friday.)

Shower Drama Resolved

12.30.2010

I decided tonight that friendship is more important than any silly grudge I might have toward someone. If my friend who’s pregnant still wants me to throw her a shower, I’m going to do it. She’s like a sister to me and as I’d do anything for her, I’d do anything for my little “niece”-to-be too. I will relish the control (unless I’m to share it with anyone other than this particular person against whom I hold a grudge). Life’s too short.

Up

12.08.2010

I went to an event last night with comedians Dick Cavett and Mel Brooks and, in addition to laughing my butt off, I discovered something about entertainment that I had either never connected or had forgotten about. There was a moment when Mel Brooks broke into character and began to tell a story in a voice for little kids about meeting Dick Cavett for the first time. It was a fictional story but a very creative one, like you’d find in a storybook.

At this point I realized what makes a great entertainer: the ability to never lose one’s inner child and the inability to lose one’s sense of inquiry, wonder and amazement. To be able to draw people in to your world without them realizing it is an incredible art; one that I’ve just recently begun to learn about, though I have a long way to go and much to learn. I can only hope that the imagination that I’ve always had and that now am learning to put down on paper doesn’t disappear and/or get lost in the daily struggles of parenthood and the constant discipline that must occur. I want to continue taking flight aboard space ships or become a pirate dressed in jewels or hide from ghosts because I’ve lost that part of me before under a tent of obligations. I’ve recently rekindled that spirit and I don’t want to ever lose it again.

Designing Your Child

07.29.2010

1. If you could create the perfect baby but it meant it would have very little of your genetic traits, would you?

2a. If you could engineer a genetic edge, would you? (quicker sprint, higher IQ, perfect vision, etc.)
2b. If yes, what would the trait be and why?
2c. What would be the most you'd pay for it?

3. Do you think that the opportunity to genetically engineer children could become a type of eugenics?

4. Do you think that genetically engineered children would be available to minorities and the poor?

5. Do you believe that just because science can, it should?

Being Encouraged to Have Children

07.15.2010

Today, I was strongly encouraged by someone to have children because, according to this person, the gene pool is filled with more people who are continuously breeding and they shouldn’t based on lack of finances, emotional stability and/or lack of preparedness.

This adds to my frustration because for every sensible couple who has 1-2 kids, you have a hundred, let’s say, who have 4-5 kids per person. I'm flattered that I'm considered to be on the "sensible" side but I hate feeling such pressure and responsibility.

Pets

07.11.2010

I’ve always had animals in my life; from the day I was born through today. I can’t imagine my life without animals and I feel badly for people who don’t care to understand. Especially since science has discovered that those with animals live longer.

I also wish that our society cared more for animals. There’s a woman who runs a bunny rescue at which I’ve started to volunteer and the stories I hear about the rescue business is atrocious. She primarily deals with animals from Santee Alley in downtown LA which is where all the illegal sales of animals occurs. It’s illegal because the animals sold are either on the black market or the animals are just babies, many having been born within days and should not be taken away from their mothers.

If you are thinking of including an animal in your life, consider a bunny. I’ve had rabbits almost my whole life and they make amazing pets. You can potty train them like cats and they’re not expensive to keep. Rabbits also have great personalities and because they’re not totally high maintenance, they’re a good way to get a child to learn responsibility.

I’m including the link to the foundation where I volunteer and if you were to choose to adopt a bunny, please say that you got the information off of my blog. Thank you! (www.bunnyworldfoundation.org)

Is It "Just Because?"

05.15.2010

I had a discussion with Rob yesterday about a boy that he knows who is having some trouble at school. The boy is acting out and the parent was surprised to find out that the school wasn’t doing anything about these outbursts. He, I think, has been diagnosed with some disabilities and isn’t receiving the support that he should be receiving. Rob was frustrated to hear that this boy is getting picked on at school and is called names that increases his anger and instigates more outbursts. Having been picked on himself as a kid, Rob didn’t like hearing that the school tried discussing psychological reasons for his outbursts instead of just accepting how difficult it is to be a kid, especially a boy who may stand out from the crowd. Rob kept saying to me that sometimes psychology has nothing to do with it and that it’s merely just about being a kid.

I found myself disagreeing with him and, as usual, felt no hesitancy to express as much. He then told me that he got into fights a lot when he was a kid and that he turned out fine; that the fights had nothing to do with some sort of a psychological meltdown or that it was because of some hidden, deeper meaning. His fights were just about the fact that he was a kid trying to make it in the big, great (kid’s) world.

It’s one thing to find a kid who gets into one fight. Maybe two. But when a kid is getting into repeated fights, I will argue that there’s a deeper meaning. Kids will pick on kids who stand out. Hell, freakin’ adults do that. How many times did I have to listen to my former boss bitch about someone she didn’t consider to be up to her standards? But a kid who constantly disrupts class, gets into fights regardless of repeated steps taken to stop it, or a kid who breaks down emotionally at the slightest discrepancy to the day….I’m sorry, there’s a problem. A psychological problem that needs to be addressed immediately.

We all may have had our moments growing up where we got into fights at school, stole from others (like I did), or were mean ourselves by picking on others and we turned out OK. But I challenge to reflect on those times and what was going on in one's own life at that time that caused the manifestation of such behavior. It’s never because "I just 'felt' like it.” Every action is a reaction to something. This is a constant that leads into our adulthood but something we learn in childhood. Being a kid is never easy no matter where you fit on the spectrum of “normalcy” or “weirdness.”

Education: Home Economics

04.19.2010

I have many opinions about our education system and I will cover them little by little. As a matter of fact, perhaps I will dedicate this week to the issue of education.

Today’s issue is going to be about home economics. I have this fantasy of opening up a school one day where I’d be the queen of that school and I’d be able to implement the curriculum of choice (because our politicians sure as hell can’t do it) and, based on all kinds of psychology and tests and blah-blah-blah, I’d have this grand ol’ school.

Starting with junior high, I’d separate the genders into separate classes but at break, lunch, and other school activities they can mingle. In fact, there’d be specific opportunities where boys and girls would be able to cooperate and work together because an education should be well rounded.

And girls AND boys would be required to take a home economics class. For at least a year. They’d learn to cook for themselves, to shop, to budget (for shopping), etc. As far as making boys take the class, I think, it would lessen the stigma that a woman is required to take care of the kitchen and not the man. I’m really tired of that.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a man knowing how to sew on a button or knowing how to do laundry correctly. These are skills needed to function correctly and to become more self-sufficient. These parents…or rather, these mothers who coddle their children (ok, their boys) are doing a huge disservice to their sons and any future person with whom he is going to have a relationship.

I’m lucky that Rob can do a lot of the above, but it would certainly helped if he knew more about cooking or food shopping. Now, recently we had a bit of a light bulb moment where he realized that at the end of the week, when all is said and done, I have a significantly fewer amount of hours to myself than he does. And (pay attention), on his own accord, he said he wants to step up. (I love this man!)

But it gets me thinking that if we had an education system that encouraged both genders to learn how to be independent (in collaboration with parents, of course) that couples wouldn’t have the same arguments over and over. At least, regarding the household.

Hockey, Family and Memories

04.10.2010

We went to a hockey game today which was incredibly fun. The first, and last, time I went to a hockey game was back in 1998 with my sister. We had such a blast! At that time, I had recently come back from living for a few months in Toronto and I made sure to catch a rare game of the Kings vs. the Maple Leafs. Man, that game was awesome.

Today, in the row ahead of us was a youngish guy who brought his son to the game (could’ve been an uncle too) and I observed the two of them for as long as I could without getting noticed and without making it look creepy. By the 3^rd quarter of the game, the little boy was sitting on his dad’s lap calling out little things to the guys on the rink which was making us all laugh and giggle at how cute he was.

Watching the two of them made my heart go out to this guy who was cradling his child on his lap. In my mind, I had flash forwards of Rob sitting with our child, or taking our kid to a game, especially when the Phillie Eagles were playing, and it warmed my heart.

But there was a part of me that was a little sad too and it reminded me of the time when I used to nanny these two kids as an undergrad. I would take the kids to the park and there always was this older dad with his daughter, holding her, playing with her, pushing her on the swings… You could see the love in his eyes for this little girl…and I don’t know what the story was. Maybe he had always wanted to have kids but wasn’t lucky and only later in life was able to have one. Or maybe he had grown kids that he neglected because of work or whatever and now he had this second chance. Regardless of the story, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy of this 1 or 2-year old little girl. I will never know what it feels like to grab my father’s fingers or hand when I’m scared or just because. It was at that time, back in 1996-97 that I made a promise to myself and to any future children that I would make sure that he/she/they would know what holding their father’s hand felt like. And I’m lucky to have married a man who feels the same way.