12.30.2010
I decided tonight that friendship is more important than any silly grudge I might have toward someone. If my friend who’s pregnant still wants me to throw her a shower, I’m going to do it. She’s like a sister to me and as I’d do anything for her, I’d do anything for my little “niece”-to-be too. I will relish the control (unless I’m to share it with anyone other than this particular person against whom I hold a grudge). Life’s too short.
07.20.2010
I was thinking today about this one family that I know whose daughter is over their house with her husband and little girl almost every weekend. Yesterday, the grandfather said to me that it’s so easy to forget how long it takes to dress a little kid and he wondered out loud how he and his wife had any time to do anything while raising their kids.
Sometimes I’m slow (uhh…I’m often slow) but his comment made me realize that my criticism of people who spend so much time with their families once their kid is born may have been harsh. Way harsh.
Everyone tells me that you want family around when you have kids because they’re a great help. But what I never realized is how that help works.
I look at this family’s daughter and she’s always tired, running after a little one, making sure she’s not breaking bones or putting something toxic into her mouth. Doing this by yourself and I’m mean totally and completely by yourself all day, every day, would drive any person bananas no matter how doting.
I can see that out of sheer necessity for sanity whoever is the stay-at-home parent needs to have help and who better than family? It was like a light bulb went off today. That’s not to say I still feel a tinge of being slighted by those people I once considered friends and who now never make time but let’s say I understand their plight a little better. Once a kid comes into your life, everything changes: the rules, the dynamic, and the relationships.
04.06.2010
Friendships. I think they can be almost as complicated as or as complicated as families.
About a month or so ago, I was listening to KBIG who had a caller write in with the issue that her daughter is friends with another little girl whose mother she did not like at all. This mother was writing in for advice in how to handle the situation. Most people were calling in and recommending that she just had to “suck it up”.
I’m not sure I really agree with this but what’s the alternative? Forbidding your child from being friends with someone? Is it fair to choose your kids’ friends? No parent wants his/her kid hanging out with someone whom you know is headed in the wrong direction. I mean, let’s face it. As adults, you can spot the problem kids. You sure don’t when you’re young. So when is it ok to give your input about whom your kid can hang out with and whom your kid can’t?
And is it wrong to not want your kid to hang out with a kid whose parent you don’t like? I think we can agree that because kids spend so much time with their mothers that sooner than later, whatever qualities one may not like about the mother, the child is going to adopt. Then your child may be influenced by these qualities. We raise our kids with our beliefs and each parent has a different style and I’m not sure it’s necessarily wrong to guide your children to be friends with people who are more in-line with who you are.
Now having said that, I realize the danger that brings to associating yourself with only like-minded people and that’s not necessarily good either. Diversity is good. But I can think of a few people with whom I wouldn’t necessarily want to have a connection with and I’d actually be devastated if our kids became friends. Yes, devastated and I don’t think I’d have the stamina to just “suck it up.” My tolerance level for BS is so low and having to deal with certain people would make me lose my mind and that isn’t good for anyone in my household. So, any thoughts?
