Exactly Whose Child Are You Friends With?

04.06.2010

Friendships. I think they can be almost as complicated as or as complicated as families.

About a month or so ago, I was listening to KBIG who had a caller write in with the issue that her daughter is friends with another little girl whose mother she did not like at all. This mother was writing in for advice in how to handle the situation. Most people were calling in and recommending that she just had to “suck it up”.

I’m not sure I really agree with this but what’s the alternative? Forbidding your child from being friends with someone? Is it fair to choose your kids’ friends? No parent wants his/her kid hanging out with someone whom you know is headed in the wrong direction. I mean, let’s face it. As adults, you can spot the problem kids. You sure don’t when you’re young. So when is it ok to give your input about whom your kid can hang out with and whom your kid can’t?

And is it wrong to not want your kid to hang out with a kid whose parent you don’t like? I think we can agree that because kids spend so much time with their mothers that sooner than later, whatever qualities one may not like about the mother, the child is going to adopt. Then your child may be influenced by these qualities. We raise our kids with our beliefs and each parent has a different style and I’m not sure it’s necessarily wrong to guide your children to be friends with people who are more in-line with who you are.

Now having said that, I realize the danger that brings to associating yourself with only like-minded people and that’s not necessarily good either. Diversity is good. But I can think of a few people with whom I wouldn’t necessarily want to have a connection with and I’d actually be devastated if our kids became friends. Yes, devastated and I don’t think I’d have the stamina to just “suck it up.” My tolerance level for BS is so low and having to deal with certain people would make me lose my mind and that isn’t good for anyone in my household. So, any thoughts?