Reminders

01.07.2011

I recently was sent photographs of the kids I used to baby-sit and it’s been a while since I’ve seen a picture of the boy for whose birth I was present. I stood in my kitchen and just stared because I couldn’t believe that 13 years had passed. I know it sounds cliché and the passing of time only gets faster with each year we witness, but it was just hard to accept.

I’ve been told often by someone I know that children are ours not only temporarily but really just as a loan. Yes, they are ours biologically and we have that tie to them, but… they really aren’t. We bring them into the world but we don’t own them. From the beginning the child experiences life on their own with his/her interpretations and understandings so, ostensibly, we’ve never truly had them.

The pictures of the kids that I used to baby-sit reminded me how precious is our time and how important it is to value your loved ones. We don’t get yesterday back and we don’t get to relive today. I think children are part of that reminder.

Childhood Fond Memory Snacks

01.06.2011

We all have fond memories from our childhood and a lot of mine are closely intertwined with food. Shocking, I know.

So to indulge in the sweet nature of narcissism that is blogging (pun intended), I’m going to share some of my favorite childhood snacks.

Frosted Animal Cookies – For my 9^th birthday, my mom said she’d buy treats for me to share with my classmates. As a grad student, she didn’t have a lot of money so I knew I had to pick my treat wisely and economically. My favorite cookies were the Frosted Animal cookies and though I don’t eat them anymore, I smile whenever I see them.

Doritos Cool Ranch Flavor – 5^th grade. If you didn’t have them, you were not cool.

Skor Candy Bar and a New York Seltzer – Summers of 1986 and 1987. If you didn’t consume these in massive quantities and, most importantly, together, you were not cool.

I wonder what will be our child’s “fond memories snacks?” (Hopefully a healthy one will be thrown in.)

Tea Kettle Foreshadow?

01.05.2011

The other day, I did something that, of late, I’m getting really good at. And I’m not proud of this special skill I’ve developed.

About six months ago, I started forgetting pots and pans on the stove while they’re cooking. It started out with a couple of “oops” and slight burns to a pot but I soon graduated to burning a pot so severely that the bottom of a stainless steel pot came off. Yes, the entire, ½ inch bottom layer of the pot came off as if I took a meat slicer and sliced the puppy right off.

This concerned me, to say the least, and I’ve been making an effort to use our kitchen timer and focus on one to two things at a time when in the kitchen.

Well, the other day, I decided to heat up some water for tea and, while waiting for the kettle to start whistling, I thought I’d get ready for a shower. I figured that I’d get my tea ready and while I showered it’d cool down for me to drink. I put the kettle on and 15 minutes later, in the middle of my shower, I realized I left the kettle on. I launched myself out of the shower, threw open the bathroom door to find our cats meowing at the door (something they never do) and dripped my way to the kitchen to take off the shrieking kettle. I thanked God that I, at least, filled the teapot with more than enough water so there was no danger of burning (off) anything.

But…

…I couldn’t help shake off this feeling of dread. What’s going on with me? I asked myself. I got back into the shower and was reminded of an article I read in Parenting Magazine last spring about parents who accidentally leave a child in the car and he/she dies. I started the article with judgment and “How could you?”-type questions but when I finished it, I thought about how quick I was to judge. I leave stuff on the stove all the time and forget about it. I’ve driven to places, spaced out, and couldn’t tell you how I got there. Life happens and when routines get altered at the last minute anything can happen.

Nonetheless, this terrifies me. Who’s to say I couldn’t be one of those parents who leave their child in the car? I often space out and I’m always thinking of, at least, 50 things at once. I plan my life days in advance, I use post-it notes and calendars, I go over my routines in my mind…but that might not be enough. I can barely live with the “almosts” I experience now, I can’t imagine having to live with the death of my child knowing that I caused it.

Children's Clothes

01.04.2011

Why are toddlers’ clothes so damn cute?

Baby Blues

01.03.2011

Little did I know about the fun games that come with being a parent…

Autism and Other Disabilities

01.02.2011

I watched the movie Temple Grandin on HBO that stars Claire Danes whom I absolutely love. She plays the woman Temple Grandin who is an autistic person and overcomes challenges to create a system for slaughterhouses that are more humane for cattle. It’s a wonderful movie, very well done and, obviously, well acted.

The movie often touches upon instances of hardship for Temple growing up, painfully sticking out from the rest, observing and interpreting the word differently. Students made fun of her and some would go out of their way to be mean.

It breaks my heart how cruel we are to each other. I understand that kids may not know any better but in my limited amount of child observation, I think it’s safe to say that if a child goes out of his/her way to be cruel to another child or make fun of them, it stems from something deeper. I would say that the parents aren’t doing their job in steering the child into a more compassionate circle. Of course, each scenario is different and, as I think I’ve mentioned a while ago, I’m not immune from being a part of a crowd that makes fun of someone.

I think it boils down to education. Unfortunately, I’ve worked with children who have some sort of a learning disability and though I’m not equipped to diagnose, there are ways to guess that a child’s learning ability is off. What breaks my heart is when parents refuse to accept that their child has a problem as is often the case in the Lithuanian community with those parents who are immigrants. They believe their child’s inability to learn is a reflection on them so it’s easier to ignore the problem. And any blame is placed on the teacher.

Whatever the situation, being aware of a child’s needs is important and even with the array of knowledge that our society has on the different disabilities I think we could do more. I think parents can do more.

Should Parents Know If Their Teen is Having Sex?

01.01.2011

Our TV was out of commission for most of December and though this was a blessing in disguise, I did get backed up on some of my shows. One of those shows is Men of a Certain Age. I love Ray Romano, what I can say.

Last week’s episode brought up an interesting issue with teenagers. Ray Romano’s character catches his daughter’s boyfriend naked in the bathroom and realizes that his daughter’s having sex. When he confronts her about it she says a bunch of different things including, “You didn’t expect me to be a virgin when I went to college?” and “Mom knows.” It’s this response that bugs me.

Ray Romano’s character and his wife are divorced and the kids mainly live with their mother. He realizes that his daughter’s been using his place to have sex. When he tries to talk over with his wife the issue of their daughter having sex, she’s rather blasé about it. He tells her she should’ve told him but the wife disagrees. She says their daughter confided in her and asked not to tell him. This makes him angry and insists that their daughter having sex affects him too and he should’ve known about it.

I found myself siding with him but when I imagined myself being put in the mother’s shoes, I wasn’t so sure. If Rob and I had a daughter and she confided in me that she was having sex, for example, would I share that information with Rob? I think I should. But what if the daughter asks for confidentiality? How do you tow the line? You, as a parent, want to make sure you keep the line of communication open with your kid(s) so you don’t want to betray him/her. But I think while the kid is living in your house, both parents need to be aware of his/her actions.

In the show’s case, the daughter was using her dad’s absence during the day to have sex. This is wrong on so many levels and the fact that it’s happening at the dad’s place the daughter’s involved him. What if something happened to either her or her boyfriend? The dad would be held liable. Ok, so I’m going into lawyer territory here (I’m a lawyer’s wife), but I think the writers on the show dismissed an entire issue and they shouldn’t have. I sometimes feel that our society is more favorable toward women on these issues because of “women power” and I don’t agree. Not when it inhibits one parent from being a parent or pits one parent against the other. I think the dad had every right to being angry. He can’t make the decision for his daughter whether or not to have sex but he should’ve been made aware of it.