Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability Video

02.11.2011

This video was sent to me today and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The speaker mainly talks about fear and vulnerability and gives suggestions on living a more fulfilling life, but she mentions certain things about parenthood and raising children that I find essential for all to keep in mind. I have many favorite quotes that I could share from this presentation but I will leave you with only one: Have the courage to be imperfect.

Enjoy!

(Don’t be warded up by its 20-minute length. It’s informative and entertaining.)

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

Quote

01.10.2011

One of the quotes that I’d have up on the bulletin board when I was a teacher was the following:

Failure isn’t falling down, it’s staying down.

What a wonderful reminder.

Autism and Other Disabilities

01.02.2011

I watched the movie Temple Grandin on HBO that stars Claire Danes whom I absolutely love. She plays the woman Temple Grandin who is an autistic person and overcomes challenges to create a system for slaughterhouses that are more humane for cattle. It’s a wonderful movie, very well done and, obviously, well acted.

The movie often touches upon instances of hardship for Temple growing up, painfully sticking out from the rest, observing and interpreting the word differently. Students made fun of her and some would go out of their way to be mean.

It breaks my heart how cruel we are to each other. I understand that kids may not know any better but in my limited amount of child observation, I think it’s safe to say that if a child goes out of his/her way to be cruel to another child or make fun of them, it stems from something deeper. I would say that the parents aren’t doing their job in steering the child into a more compassionate circle. Of course, each scenario is different and, as I think I’ve mentioned a while ago, I’m not immune from being a part of a crowd that makes fun of someone.

I think it boils down to education. Unfortunately, I’ve worked with children who have some sort of a learning disability and though I’m not equipped to diagnose, there are ways to guess that a child’s learning ability is off. What breaks my heart is when parents refuse to accept that their child has a problem as is often the case in the Lithuanian community with those parents who are immigrants. They believe their child’s inability to learn is a reflection on them so it’s easier to ignore the problem. And any blame is placed on the teacher.

Whatever the situation, being aware of a child’s needs is important and even with the array of knowledge that our society has on the different disabilities I think we could do more. I think parents can do more.

Up

12.08.2010

I went to an event last night with comedians Dick Cavett and Mel Brooks and, in addition to laughing my butt off, I discovered something about entertainment that I had either never connected or had forgotten about. There was a moment when Mel Brooks broke into character and began to tell a story in a voice for little kids about meeting Dick Cavett for the first time. It was a fictional story but a very creative one, like you’d find in a storybook.

At this point I realized what makes a great entertainer: the ability to never lose one’s inner child and the inability to lose one’s sense of inquiry, wonder and amazement. To be able to draw people in to your world without them realizing it is an incredible art; one that I’ve just recently begun to learn about, though I have a long way to go and much to learn. I can only hope that the imagination that I’ve always had and that now am learning to put down on paper doesn’t disappear and/or get lost in the daily struggles of parenthood and the constant discipline that must occur. I want to continue taking flight aboard space ships or become a pirate dressed in jewels or hide from ghosts because I’ve lost that part of me before under a tent of obligations. I’ve recently rekindled that spirit and I don’t want to ever lose it again.

Finding Inspiration on SNL

09.28.2010

I finally sat down to watch the season opener of Saturday Night Live and wasn’t surprised that it was one of their better episodes because Amy Poehler was hosting. She just had her second child about 7 weeks ago and looks great. As a result of her hosting the show, some of the “oldie but goodies” from the past came back including Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph. Boy, I miss those women. All of them are powerhouses, in my book, and have become successful comediennes as well as mothers in the past 5 years or so and they give me such inspiration. Not that I seek to be a comedienne; that’d be like me trying to make it as a singer. But they followed their passion, became successful, and are moms with family and partner/spouse obligations figuring it out as they go. I’m sure that there’s some drama behind-the-scenes and that they have days when they feel overwhelmed. But, they give me hope that women can strive to have balance between a career and family. There’s still a big chunk of me that fails to believe in that possibility 100% without something giving, but looking at these women gives me pause.

Not Music To My Ears

05.08.2010

What was supposed to be me dropping off some stuff for my sister today turned out to be going out to lunch and hanging out in the afternoon which was so much fun. We had a yummy lunch, chatted, laughed, and reminisced. We’re truly becoming friends and, given the kind of relationship we had 3 years ago and in the years preceding that, I’m very grateful that our relationship has veered away from the direction that it looked like it was heading.

While hanging out at her place, she popped in a DVD of Fleetwood Mac and we proceeded to watch a little and talk about the music industry and the life of a creative person. Stevie Nicks is known to be a creative force and the talent that she has is unparalleled. But, as a trade-off, she has no kids. She’s apparently very close to her sister and two nieces, but has no children of her own.

I remember reading an article some years back about her and she talked about the choices that she made in life and that she regrets never having children but given her schedule, her life, and her drug habits at one point, that it’s actually better she didn’t bring any children into this world. For as grateful as I am for this woman being honest and not having children for some selfish reason, this is the very thing that I keep talking about and an issue with which I consistently wrestle.

Early on in my relationship with Rob, we had an argument about why there are more men in Hollywood than woman. Both of us got frustrated; I don’t feel I was able to express myself clearly and Rob kept saying that all I was doing was stereotyping.

But here’s my argument. When you’re in a creative mode, hours could go by before you realize how much time has gone by. When I’m writing, I could start at 10 am and the next thing I know it’s 3 pm and I haven’t even had lunch yet. Time just flies by. So let’s say that you put in an 8-hour day of writing. Let me ask, who makes your lunch for you? Who is going to do the laundry for you? Who is going to make dinner? What if a room needs cleaning? Who is going to clean it? What if you have no food in the house? Who’s going to do the shopping? What about kids if you have them? Who takes them and picks them up from school? Who helps with the homework?

It’s one thing when you’re living alone. But it’s a different thing when you’re living with someone. Between a man and a woman, it’s the woman who runs the household. So, for me, I often sacrifice my writing time so that stuff can get done around the house. I have seen an entire weekend go by without Rob coming out of his room because he’s doing one thing or the other. He, as a guy, is perfectly fine eating out, skipping meals, or not really being concerned with what’s going on outside the realm of his four walls. And if food shopping doesn’t get done that week, it’s, like “Oh, well. I’ll eat out at lunch all week.”

This certainly isn't an attack on Rob and he definitely has his days where he picks up the slack of the household chores. But, in general, I have always found that men have an easier time “checking out” and I think it’s more difficult for women to do that because of all the things women think about all at once. I think that a man doesn’t have a problem putting in 10 hours of creative time whereas it’s much more difficult for a woman to dedicate that much time to something AND clean the house AND do the shopping AND cook dinner AND put the kids to bed, etc. It’s just not possible or it puts a huge strain on the woman and relationships with the spouse and children suffer.

I know that it all comes down to communication and talking over with your partner about your needs. But I still have a problem with the fact that women have to choose between career and family. Men do, as well, to a degree, especially these days when there is a lot more divided labor in the home, but when you break it down, it really is the woman who has a deeper stake in the choice and it’s unfair.