02.12.2011
I got some not-so-good news today about a family member and this, coupled with jet-lag and getting ready for a big project for tomorrow, has exhausted me both physically and emotionally. I can’t find the mental space to write anything meaningful.
12.14.2010
The apple truly doesn’t fall far from the tree.
What kind of a tree are you?
12.05.2010
I know that it’s easy for me to say what I’m about to say because I don’t have a kid, that I can pick up and go, and I don’t have to worry about all the little things that come with having a kid. So, having said that, I’m still going to continue writing because I don’t think what I am about to complain about has so much to do with having a kid as it is being the kind of human being one was to begin with (i.e., before the kid).
I really dislike it when parents do or allow for the following:
- letting a child scream his/her head off in the store while continuing to shop as if nothing's wrong.
- allowing the child to eat unpaid for product while shopping. (I used to work at Wild Oats Markets and saw this on a daily basis. It is a health hazard and the store can – and will – get cited and marked down for allowing customers to do this.) It also makes it too easy for the parent to conveniently forget to pay for the product once at the check-out. My “favorite” was this woman who'd come into Wild Oats with her hella spoiled son, allow him to eat the top part of a muffin and then leave the bottom part somewhere hidden in the store for us to find, like it’s a treasure hunt in which we couldn’t wait to partake. If the kid’s hungry, feed him/her before going into the store or use the moment as a teaching tool that it's important to eat something once it's paid for because, before then, it's not yours. It still belongs to the store.
- the next happens especially when a store is swarming with customers: A parent with a kid of about 5 or 6 rides in the shopping cart (for which he/she is too big) and the parent stops in the middle of the path, goes off somewhere while the kid is left behind to kick the air out of boredom or do whatever while totally clueless that there are other customers trying to get by.
Once again, as the parent, you set an example to your kid(s) in how to behave and what’s acceptable or not. We all have to share this world and people appreciate those who share and who are considerate.
11.30.2010
I’m going to come off smug today. OK, especially smug. I know that there currently are parents with little ones who find it difficult to believe, let alone accept, that their sweet, little, perfect angel will, in about 10 years, become a ball of unrecognizable hormones who will be capable of inflicting (emotional) pain (to his/her parents). I’ve seen more than one set of parents be in complete denial of the reality of who their child is and it’s not pretty. There are aspects of working with teens that I love but they are teens. And just because they’re your teen, doesn’t make them completely innocent and angelic. I value those parents who see and accept their kid for whom they are, the good and the bad. Because, dear parents, teachers see it all.
I read an article in Sunday’s, LA Time’s Parade Magazine about teens.[1] And now to be more smug, most of the info wasn’t news to me, having taken an adolescent psych class before but, nonetheless, it was an informative read. One of my favorite scientific discoveries from the past 10-15 years is that our brains continue to develop into our mid-20s. No wonder it wasn’t until my late 20s that I decided to get serious about my life. Up until then, my brain wasn’t capable of doing so (for the most part).
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the article but, one more thing, before I continue: Those of you with kids, keep in mind that none of us are immune to the following sentiments or incidents:
“I would rather give birth to a baby elephant than raise a teenager again. It would be less painful…I cannot believe that my darling, sweet little girl has turned into a 16-year-old stranger who just wants money from me all the time.” – Renee Cassis, NY.
It’s not “only the rebellious kids who suddenly turn on us…When my friend’s son – a straight-A student and all-around sweetheart – recently ended up in the hospital getting his stomach pumped because he went out drinking with friends for the first time and had no clue how much was too much, that’s when I realized: There is just no predicting.” – Judith Newman (article’s author).
“When a child turns 12, he should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bung hole, until he reaches 16…at which time you plug the bung hole.” – Mark Twain.
I believe that, as parents and anyone looking to be a parent, you do yourself a disservice to not educate yourself on the biological changes that occur in teens. And I don’t mean the obvious (periods and erections) but I mean the changes in brain chemistry. Knowledge is power. Teens need to learn their lessons and appropriate punishment should be given but if you know what’s going on physically, then it helps to understand from where your kid is coming. Teens don’t have that part of their brain that registers “consequences” developed yet (it doesn’t fully form until your mid-20s!), so if you keep that in mind, you can take some extra time and figure out a way to explain the consequences that happened after a bad decision was made. Teens need to understand and they can understand, it just takes more time and patience.
Then, once that’s done, consider investing in some good winery’s stock for a few years and pour yourself and your spouse a glass and count the days until college or he/she moves out.
09.26.2010
Today’s project went by well and, again, happy that I didn’t have to worry about getting someone to watch a child though I’m trying to remind myself that we have Rob’s parents available. I guess in answer to my question from yesterday is that I can’t imagine not asking for and getting help. Would that be a correct assessment? If something is important to you, you’ll find a way to get it done, child or no child.
To change the subject consciously now, after I was done with my project this afternoon, I went over to my in-laws and heard a great story. There a woman with whom my mother-in-law works who has two little girls both under the age of 7, I believe. The elder one is apparently quite a pistol and will occasionally get into trouble especially with mouthing-off.
Well, she mouthed off a little too much to her parents and they disciplined her in a way that I think is awesome. The little girl, who’s about 6, loves shoes. So what they did was take away all her pairs of shoes except for some ugly tennis shoes. In order for her to get her shoes back, she has to work for them. So far, she got 2 pairs back.
I clapped when I heard this story! Parents disciplining their children? Hooray! And what a creative way of doing so at that. I definitely made a mental note of that in case we were to ever have a daughter and she loved shoes as much as I did.
05.12.2010
During my class tonight, a friend and I talked about how we both caught that the instructor was very frustrated with us; in fact, quite irritated. I told my friend that, having been a teacher, I feel I can recognize his frustrations and the reasons for them. I suspect that he is not a seasoned instructor and there are definite holes in how he teaches and these holes came up to the surface as we were talking about next week’s final. No one was really asking questions about the final and there were many quiet moments where we were all staring at each other – and those moments are always painful for me cause I’ve been there. But, as an instructor, when you get frustrated with students it could be one of two reasons:
1) A student or two is not listening to what you’re saying and keeps repeating the same question even well after you’ve answered it. (This is not your fault.)
2) You have not gone over the material in a sufficient manner and most of your students are confused and, as a result, don’t know how to communicate that to you because they have no idea how to even formulate the right questions to ask. (This is your fault.)
I have experienced both scenarios and this is why it’s so important to know how to read the blank stares on your students’ faces. It’s also important to be humble enough to admit when you’ve done a crappy job at teaching something.
Ok, so how does this all relate to children? On may long ride home from class, I started thinking about how parenting is really one, life-long teaching job. I never saw myself as a “teacher” when I worked as an educator full-time. I always liked to think of myself as a “guide” – I believe we have the answers within us; we just need the right guide to help us find them. That’s how I approached teaching and I always saw my students as my guide. I anticipate that I’ll approach parenting in the same manner and how what happened in the classroom tonight really underscores how important communication is in every aspect of our lives. It also underscores how so many of us can suck at it, including me, and it is sort of interesting how we hear how important it is and, yet, it’s one of the most difficult things to do.
