What Would It Be Like?

01.30.2011

I was thinking about a conversation I had with my 7^th grade teacher recently about how afraid I was to have a daughter because of the often contentious relationships that mother-daughters have. My mom and I weren’t constantly at each other’s throats while I was growing up but it certainly wasn’t harmonious. And when it wasn’t harmonious it was definitely thunderous.

Combining my conversation with my teacher and my memories, it became crystal clear that my personal experiences were shaping my predictions. I had a certain relationship with my mom and I’m assuming I’d have the same one with my own daughter. My teacher said that she had a pretty good relationship with her daughter and if I were to take a moment to think about it, I’d be able to name a couple of other girl friends I know that had a pretty solid relationship with their mother.

What this mentality of mine underscores is how narrow-minded I’m being. What I’ve done is automatically assume that I’m the same person as my mom and that my daughter would be the same person as I. Yes, I will (and already have) find myself mimicking my mother’s ways but I already react to situations as a whole quite differently than my mom. In fact, it’s always been like that; a source of contention between us. I’m sure my daughter would have aspects of my personality but she’ll also have aspects of Rob's. She’d be her own person and I need to trust that I will be my own person and make my own mistakes and have my own triumphs as a parent. Comparing myself to anyone, especially my own mom, doesn’t do me any good. I’d like to take the parts of my mom’s parenting I love and repeat those because, after all, she did raise me so she did something right. (happy, winky face.)