They're Moody, Dramatic and Amazing

11.30.2010

I’m going to come off smug today. OK, especially smug. I know that there currently are parents with little ones who find it difficult to believe, let alone accept, that their sweet, little, perfect angel will, in about 10 years, become a ball of unrecognizable hormones who will be capable of inflicting (emotional) pain (to his/her parents). I’ve seen more than one set of parents be in complete denial of the reality of who their child is and it’s not pretty. There are aspects of working with teens that I love but they are teens. And just because they’re your teen, doesn’t make them completely innocent and angelic. I value those parents who see and accept their kid for whom they are, the good and the bad. Because, dear parents, teachers see it all.

I read an article in Sunday’s, LA Time’s Parade Magazine about teens.[1] And now to be more smug, most of the info wasn’t news to me, having taken an adolescent psych class before but, nonetheless, it was an informative read. One of my favorite scientific discoveries from the past 10-15 years is that our brains continue to develop into our mid-20s. No wonder it wasn’t until my late 20s that I decided to get serious about my life. Up until then, my brain wasn’t capable of doing so (for the most part).

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the article but, one more thing, before I continue: Those of you with kids, keep in mind that none of us are immune to the following sentiments or incidents:

“I would rather give birth to a baby elephant than raise a teenager again. It would be less painful…I cannot believe that my darling, sweet little girl has turned into a 16-year-old stranger who just wants money from me all the time.” – Renee Cassis, NY.

It’s not “only the rebellious kids who suddenly turn on us…When my friend’s son – a straight-A student and all-around sweetheart – recently ended up in the hospital getting his stomach pumped because he went out drinking with friends for the first time and had no clue how much was too much, that’s when I realized: There is just no predicting.” – Judith Newman (article’s author).

“When a child turns 12, he should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bung hole, until he reaches 16…at which time you plug the bung hole.” – Mark Twain.

I believe that, as parents and anyone looking to be a parent, you do yourself a disservice to not educate yourself on the biological changes that occur in teens. And I don’t mean the obvious (periods and erections) but I mean the changes in brain chemistry. Knowledge is power. Teens need to learn their lessons and appropriate punishment should be given but if you know what’s going on physically, then it helps to understand from where your kid is coming. Teens don’t have that part of their brain that registers “consequences” developed yet (it doesn’t fully form until your mid-20s!), so if you keep that in mind, you can take some extra time and figure out a way to explain the consequences that happened after a bad decision was made. Teens need to understand and they can understand, it just takes more time and patience.

Then, once that’s done, consider investing in some good winery’s stock for a few years and pour yourself and your spouse a glass and count the days until college or he/she moves out.

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[1] http://www.parade.com/news/2010/11/28-inside-the-teenage-brain.html

Long Day Warrants a Day Off

11.16.2010

I'm taking the day off. The thing is, I know what I want to write about, in fact, there are two topics I was going to spread over to the next day, but I’ve been under a deadline and my creative juices are all used up by this point in the evening. Come back tomorrow for what, I hope, will be a more interesting post. One thing I will say, though, the hours I’ve put in to meet this deadline are exactly why I’m afraid of having kids. Very long days and skipped meals or late meals…can’t do that with a kid… As Barbara Walters warned, “You can’t have it all.”

You're Damned If You Do And You're Damned If You Don't

11.04.2010

I read an article today with Cher who said that her two kids were resentful of her choosing her career over them when they were younger which then prompted me to sarcastically think, “Well, that’s great.” She said her eldest is pretty much over it but her son still harbors resentment. I certainly have my own issues with my mom not being around. So what’s the point? I mean, you try your best as a parent but then we selfish kids want nothing but our parents’ time and dedication while psychologists and others are saying that parents need to take time for themselves and each other. So whatever you do, you’re going to screw up your kids, right?

Makes me think of Susan Sarandon’s response to the question of how was she able to raise kids and work successfully in the entertainment industry. “You do your best and after years of therapy, you hope they forgive you.”

I don’t have kids and that immediately became my mantra. I guess that it’s true, though. Parents can’t be there for you every time all the time. And part of growing up is accepting that and learning from it.

You Are Not Your Child's "Friend"

04.24.2010

Sometimes I get a little tired of all the parents who are trying to be their children’s friends. We all want to be liked and we all convince ourselves throughout our lives that once we’re gonna be parents we’re gonna be the “cool” parents and that our kids won’t be embarrassed by us like we were by our parents.

Well, that ain’t ever going to happen. Kids are going to be embarrassed by their parents no matter what. So I think it’s better to acknowledge that you’re a parent and that you’re the adult so it’s your job to set the rules, the boundaries, and, in order to instill these rules and boundaries, you’re gonna have to be the “bad cop” sometimes.

As a full-time teacher and then 7 years of teaching at Lithuanian school, I have seen too many parents care more about pleasing their child in the world of extra curricular activities than in education. Why can’t there be a balance and rules and consequences set up?

There are plenty of kids whose grades are falling to the wayside and yet there is absolutely no price to pay for that. Kids still get to go to b-day parties, field trips, or other such extra activities that, when I was growing up, were reserved as extras once certain responsibilities were taken care of. It’s kind of like doling out trophies to everyone who participated in a sports event because it’s politically correct. We don’t want to “offend” any child and make them “feel badly” about themselves. Give me a break! If a child doesn’t learn priorities and that certain things are rewards for working hard then how is that child going to become a productive and responsible adult?

Grades aren’t everything, I certainly know that. And Lord knows that I was such a poor student that I nearly failed 3^rd grade, 5^th grade and 6^th grade. And high school was a challenge too. But poor grades weren’t rewarded and I certainly wasn’t allowed to do everything under the sun. I see too many children learning that a heavy social calendar is more important than an education and, in an educational system that is already failing, parental attitude is certainly not helping the situation.