Flying With Children

04.07.2010

Today I was finishing up breakfast and caught the beginning of The View. I used to watch this show all the time and then they got Elisabeth and after a while, I just couldn’t take her anymore and so I stopped watching. But, once in a blue moon, I’ll catch the show just to check in and see what’s going on. Today was a blue moon and boy was I glad I did.

One of the hot topics was children on planes. Surprisingly, Barbara Walters was all about how kids are annoying on planes and there should be a separate section on planes for parents with children. Well, this comment threw Elisabeth and Sherri into such a tizzy, defending parents who travel with their kids and how wrong Barbara was for her opinions, etc, etc. Elisabeth actually confessed that she hopes that other people on the plane will entertain her children so that she can catch a glimpse of a magazine. (This is how she reminded me of why I don’t like her. “Please, just don’t talk,” I want to continuously tell her.)

I hate to say it but those two (Elisabeth and Sherri) have quickly forgotten what it’s like for those without children to be on plane with children. First, before I go on, I want to say that I know that, in the end, parents do have it worse than I while traveling with their kids. I only have to deal with and listen to the child while flying, but the parent has to deal with the child before the flight, during the flight, and after the flight. I get that. But, now having said it, as a passenger, it sucks.

My sister and I got stuck sitting behind a woman and her two children on a direct flight from Paris to L.A. Let me repeat: Direct. One child was a toddler of about 2 or 3 and the other was about 1. The mother got so tired of dealing with her hyperactive toddler that she eventually just let him lay on the floor in the aisle blocking the path so passengers and the attendants had to climb over him if they wanted to pass by. The mother did absolutely nothing to curb his behavior or to make any kind of a gesture to move the child. When he wasn’t on the floor, he was standing in his chair either kicking it or staring at me in between the cracks of his chair and his mother’s. You would think that on a 10 or 11-hour flight a toddler would want to nap, but apparently that was too much to ask for. I won’t even go into the child across the aisle that was crying for a good portion of the two hours that we were waiting to take off. Again, I know that it’s hardest on the parents but if they’re in a different section or a completely different flight for parents only (as suggested by Whoopi), then there can be a child-parent party where everybody understands where the other is coming from. It’s kind of like when I go to a restaurant and a child is screaming and yelling or running around and the parents are doing nothing about it. I am not out to be a witness to this. Flights are getting increasingly expensive and people are getting increasingly cranky. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with separating parents and kids from the rest of the passengers.

Exactly Whose Child Are You Friends With?

04.06.2010

Friendships. I think they can be almost as complicated as or as complicated as families.

About a month or so ago, I was listening to KBIG who had a caller write in with the issue that her daughter is friends with another little girl whose mother she did not like at all. This mother was writing in for advice in how to handle the situation. Most people were calling in and recommending that she just had to “suck it up”.

I’m not sure I really agree with this but what’s the alternative? Forbidding your child from being friends with someone? Is it fair to choose your kids’ friends? No parent wants his/her kid hanging out with someone whom you know is headed in the wrong direction. I mean, let’s face it. As adults, you can spot the problem kids. You sure don’t when you’re young. So when is it ok to give your input about whom your kid can hang out with and whom your kid can’t?

And is it wrong to not want your kid to hang out with a kid whose parent you don’t like? I think we can agree that because kids spend so much time with their mothers that sooner than later, whatever qualities one may not like about the mother, the child is going to adopt. Then your child may be influenced by these qualities. We raise our kids with our beliefs and each parent has a different style and I’m not sure it’s necessarily wrong to guide your children to be friends with people who are more in-line with who you are.

Now having said that, I realize the danger that brings to associating yourself with only like-minded people and that’s not necessarily good either. Diversity is good. But I can think of a few people with whom I wouldn’t necessarily want to have a connection with and I’d actually be devastated if our kids became friends. Yes, devastated and I don’t think I’d have the stamina to just “suck it up.” My tolerance level for BS is so low and having to deal with certain people would make me lose my mind and that isn’t good for anyone in my household. So, any thoughts?

This Thing We Call "Family"

04.05.2010

I spent more time thinking about my mom and grandmother. See, I don’t get to talk to my mom on Skype that often and even less with my grandmother. Plus I over think everything, so it’s just natural for me to obsess about something.

Right before we were going to say our good-byes I asked my sister to take a photo of my mom and grandmother on Skype. They were so cute together, cuddling up, mother and daughter, making faces and/or my grandmother not really knowing where to look cause Skype still weirds her out. I was looking at the photo of the two of them today and I thought, “If I continue the route I’m going, I will never experience that.” What I was referring to was the fact that my mom and her mom were able to cuddle up with each other and regardless of their ages, they were still, and will always be, mother and daughter. “Mother and daughter…”

My mother-in-law asked me a few months ago if I would like to have a daughter first or a son. I started to chuckle and then ended in a sigh and replied, “I don’t know. Mother-daughter relationships are so volatile so I don’t know if I want to go through that. But then I don’t think I could ever relate to a teenaged boy, so I don’t know if I want to go through that.” She, of course, laughed at the comical way I delivered my line with such dramatic “my life is hard” flair, but underneath the comedy, I was actually quite serious.

Babies are all cute and cuddly but then they become these [fill in the blank] for about ten years and then you just hope that they forgive your parenting style and want to talk to you for the rest of their lives. Some families never overcome the schisms that may happen, others do. Or, at least, for the most part they do.

Why are families so complicated? It seems like it should all work out so perfectly. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, have the perfect wedding and start a family. But what you’re not told about is all of the little cracks in the façade that entail people’s personalities, dreams or failed dreams, hopes or broken hopes, desires, plans and changes in plans, changes in moods, etc. On paper it all makes sense. In practicality, it doesn’t. I’m not saying this because I’m not happy being married; God no! I’m just talking about how the steps to becoming a family and starting a family, etc. seem like it should all be so easy but no one tells you about how truly difficult it is. I always thought adults had it all figured out and now that I’ve officially been an adult for almost 20 years now, I’m still waiting for the light to turn on. I’m still waiting for that “a-ha” moment where I can say, “Oh, yes, so NOW I’m an adult because I have it all figured out.” I sometimes see the light flickering…but it never stays on long enough for me to definitively know.

Family Separation

04.04.2010

Happy Easter!

Talked to my mom and grandmother on Skype this morning when my sister came over. The last time all 4 of us talked at the same time was X-mas 2008. My grandmother looks amazing and it’s hard to believe she’s going to be 91 in 2 weeks. I’m lucky to have such genes. But seeing them over the computer screen just makes me sad. I mean, I’m glad for Skype, but it’s still a cheap substitute to having the person be in the room with you.

What’s adding to my sadness is that my sister has decided to move out of the country and we’re all going to be separated. Again. I think this way especially because of the notion that Rob and I may be starting a family in the next year. During pregnancy, whenever that may be, I’ll really be on my own and that saddens me. The trip to and from Lithuania is incredibly expensive and is a very long trip, up to 2 days, and my mom has all these animals that she can’t leave behind. So, even without my sister leaving for a year, I already know that during pregnancy and, at least, the 1^st year of the child’s life or until I can get myself and the child over to Lithuania, my mom won’t be around. Planning for a child and the whole pregnancy thing should be times that are joyous and I don’t know how something that already terrifies me isn’t going to completely destroy me without family around. Of course, I don’t want to discount Rob and his family and I know they’ll be there and help with whatever is needed. But, I think, at least, women will understand when I say that sometimes you just want your mom and/or your sister. There's this bond that, if you're lucky enough, you create with your mom and your sister/sibling (if you have one) that's difficult to duplicate. I think any woman can understand that. This bond somehow is transferred to groups of girlfriends or even just one other girlfriend. It's important and necessary and without it, life is empty.

Movie Inspires

04.03.2010

I watched Sam Mendes’s movie Revolutionary Road last night and I hate having high expectations for movies because inevitably I’ll be disappointed. I loved, loved, loved his Away We Go movie; can’t get enough and can’t recommend it highly enough (it is with the wonderfully talented Maya Rudolph and – to me- surprisingly comedic John Krasinski). But Revolutionary Road…??...meh.

I had such high expectations for the movie because I thought I’d be able to greatly identify with it. With great expectations from their lives, a husband and wife move to the suburbs with their 2 kids only to realize that the cookie-cutter version of suburbia isn’t for them at all as they witness their lives and marriage fall apart. Now having written all that out, I suppose it sounds strange to hear me say that I had such high expectations of that movie or that I’d identify with it. Well, for starters, I didn’t think you could go wrong with Sam Mendes, Kate Winslet and Leonardo di Caprio. But, big names don’t really mean much if you don’t have a GOOD STORY! And I don’t think Revolutionary Road’s script was written well.

Secondly, and here’s where I thought I could relate, the idea of “the ‘burbs”. Rob and I have often talked about how we don’t want to move to the suburbs where all the homes are the same and there’s some ridiculous rule that you can’t paint your shutters any color other than white or white. OK, maybe cream is allowed, but you get what I mean. I want a safe, diverse and education-oriented neighborhood but one that values independent thinking and acceptance.

But the movie did bring out a theme that I’ve written about and one that terrifies me. Kate Winslet’s character studied to be an actress but she got married, got pregnant and they moved to the suburbs where she could be the dutiful wife and her husband could work at a job he hated.

This kind of an existence really scares me. Granted, the movie’s set in 1955, but I see this kind of living all around me. We can’t all be celebrities, bank CEOs, or astronauts. I get that and I’m not striving to really be any of those things. I’m just so terrified of waking up one day without realizing how many years have passed and feeling miserable and regretful just like those characters in the movie. Because how do you teach your kid(s) to be happy if you yourself are not?

Sick

04.02.2010

I’m so horribly sick today and have done nothing but piss away the day by watching TV. Once upon a time that would’ve sounded like heaven, but honestly, I feel so gross about it. My throat hurts so badly that just to breath is painful and Rob has done a good job in taking care of me, but there’s still something about a mother’s touch. I wish mine were here.

Holidays and Families

04.01.2010

Happy April Fool’s Day!

This week is Easter week and I’ve been thinking a lot about how the holidays were when I was growing up. Twice a year, for Christmas and Easter, I’d get a new holiday outfit – usually a dress that my mom picked out – to wear to church. My grandmother would always fly out for the Easter holidays (and we’d go to Chicago for Christmas) and there’d be all this food preparation depending on the holiday and for Easter our traditional Lithuanian egg dying. I would always give something up for Lent, usually chocolate, and then Easter morning gorge myself giving myself a stomach ache before mass. All these little routine family traditions are something I really miss…kind of like I was talking about yesterday.

I understand that having kids could relieve some of this. With a bambino in the house there’s suddenly a need to do the Easter egg hunts, and baskets, and Easter bunny stories, family get-togethers, etc. But I sometimes wonder if there’s isn’t this weird transformation that happens in that whatever emptiness we may feel or whatever sadness we may feel, and we substitute it or sugar-coat it with having kids. Kids let us relive our childhood memories creating a kind of deja-vu that, perhaps, provides an odd sense of contentment.