The Heart of Mushy Cereal is Love

02.22.2011

I baby-sat today and after about a 12-year gap of taking care of a toddler, there are many things I forgot about. For example, bibs are an excellent invention and breakfast isn’t a 15-minute affair. In fact, it’s not a 30-minute affair or a 45 or 60-minute one. Also each action is a reaction to a negotiation and why more mothers aren’t hired as lawyers, contract arbitrators or political negotiators is beyond me.

I was also reminded that a “quick” walk down the block would be more than 15-minutes. And I learned that convincing a two-year old that traipsing through a bed of flowers takes more skill than solving a computer problem. Or that convincing said two-year old that chewing on miniscule dinosaur toys isn’t good for you could instantly become more challenging than any statistical math problem ever presented. Both involve logic, right? You’d think.

There are other things I forgot about in this 12-year absence such as the magic of tiny hands offering a hug or the stretching out of one of those tiny, chubby hands to share a now mushy piece of cereal that at one point was in the mouth but is now intended to be consumed by me. I also forgot how sacred the trust is that we are all born with and lose along the way. I also didn’t realize how protective I feel about that trust. I forgot how melodic a child’s giggle is or how wondrous is the moment when a child realizes if you pour sand into a construction toy it will make wheels spin. And how this simple mechanical toy fascinates a toddler’s imagination for a very long time.

I still believe that children are not ours to keep; that they are merely ours on loan and from the very first moment we hold them in our arms we are to teach them to be independent, respectful and loving. I also believe that whatever psychological and emotional issues we have as individuals they are ours to work out, not the child’s responsibility to either mask those problems or “fix” them. But what I’m coming to realize is that while we should be teaching them independence, they teach us to open our hearts and eyes to the world and to understand that independence isn’t the sole point to survival. Children depend on us and we depend on them to remind us that the flower they stop to smell is a necessary moment to feel connected to everything around us. Perhaps it is the children that are our true teachers and not the other way around…

Driving While Angry

01.15.2011

This morning, I was almost involved in an accident that would’ve been caused by an angry woman driving erratically.

When at a stop sign getting ready to make a left-hand turn, I noticed a car speeding down the street and decided to wait and see if the car would stop because for a moment it didn’t look like it would. When it stopped and I felt like my life wasn’t in danger, I started to turn and noticed a woman driver with a scowl on her face and a kid sitting in the front seat. There may have been a child in the backseat but I didn’t get a chance to see because mid-turn, the woman started to drive, flooring the accelerator and driving around me. I laid on the horn and yelled for only the air to hear, “You have a damn kid in the car!”

I could tell by one glance that this woman was angry and that she shouldn't have been behind the wheel. In addition to the danger she was posing, she was teaching a horrible lesson to her kid(s). I don’t know what happened to warrant such a reaction from her, and hopefully she wasn’t involved in any kind of an accident, but she certainly took a large gamble by getting behind the wheel in such a state of mind.

I’m not saying that I’ve never driven when angry. I have, and it's not right. I always feel silly once I calm down because no one else on the road knows I’m angry except that my hands are gesturing all over the place and I'm yelling or driving erratically. So what does that accomplish? We all gamble with our lives when we drive, so why do we choose to raise the stakes instead of taking a couple of minutes to calm down? And why do we increase the stakes even more with kids in the car?

I recently read something that has stuck with me: It’s better to lose a second in your life than lose your life in a second.

Be smart. Kids are learning.

My Special Needs: More Benefit of the Doubt

10.23.10

Today, I felt like an ass.

I consider myself to be a compassionate person and one who sees all sides to things and I’m usually pretty good at foreseeing problems and/or being able to deal with crises as they come with a good head on my shoulders. Today, I shocked myself at how uncompassionate I could be.

I was on the playground at recess (at Lithuanian school) desperately trying to find a teacher in the 10 minutes we had when suddenly I heard blood curling screams to my immediate left. I walked over as the situation escalated. A boy of about 8 was shrieking at another boy and pointing his finger repeating, “You did it! On purpose!” I tried to gently put his hand down and tell him that that wasn’t necessary but he wouldn't listen. I observed the other boy of about the same age sink into himself paralyzed with fear.

I tried to get the screaming boy to explain to me what happened which then prompted him to shriek “My doughnut! He dropped it on purpose!” The other kid, of course, desperately said he didn’t and that it was an accident that then set the kid off even more.

By this point a father came over and tried to calm him down and I’m thinking to myself “Are you serious? You’re seriously throwing a tantrum over a doughnut?”

The more this kid screamed, I started to get uncomfortable and, honestly, somewhat scared because it didn’t matter what was being told to him, his anger kept escalating along with his voice and tears.

A mother (not his) came over and took control, sternly telling him to stop his behavior so that the other kid could apologize. For a moment it seemed like this kid was totally calmed down but when the other said, “I’m sorry. It was an accident” the kid started everything all over again.

The mom asked where the doughnut was and the kid, in between sobs, picked up the one bite that was left and the mom said, “Let’s go get another one.” This set him off even more yelling, “No! No! No!” He took the doughnut, lifted it in the air as if he was going to throw it on the ground. She sternly said, “Don’t you dare. Throw it in the trash but not on the ground.” He followed those directions but it didn’t stop him from continuing to yell, “No!”

The bell rang and I had to get back to class but the kid was still going at it. I walked back to my classroom and I must’ve had a perplexed and scared look on my face because one my kid’s moms asked if I was alright. I confided that I just saw a kid have a complete meltdown and that it makes me thankful for not having kids. She then asked which one it was, I pointed to him (because his teacher wouldn’t let him in the classroom until he calmed down) and she said, “Oh, no, no, no. He’s autistic.”

If I were a cartoon, my face would’ve turned into a donkey. I should’ve known by his reaction and inability to control his emotions that he was special needs. The only line of defense I have is that there are many children I come across that are unbelievably spoiled and whose similar tantrums I've witnessed, but I feel like I should’ve known better instead of jumping to judgment.

We all have our ticks and can react to situations in ways that we couldn’t have ever guessed. I’ve been through that, I get it. And, I guess for autistic kids, that’s a way of life. It’s a good reminder for me (for all of us) to keep in mind when we see a kid (or an adult) behave in a way that we wouldn’t necessarily think is “normal” to give that person the benefit of the doubt that he/she needs an extra moment or two to understand what’s going on and take whatever time is needed to process it. Who said kids can't teach us?

They Call Me Mister Fry

10.07.2010

I wanted to put up one last education-related video; however, They Call Me Mister Fry isn’t a movie but a one-man play so it doesn’t have a trailer. What there is up on YouTube about it is kind of, uh, not done very well, in my opinion. The video that’d be equivalent to a movie trailer drags and I don’t think does it justice.

The play stars Jack Fry who re-creates his experience as a first-year teacher in an urban elementary school. I usually don’t look at or read reviews but for those who care, it has received good ones including multiple rave reviews from audiences. Fry has performed this show all over the nation and will be in town this weekend on Sunday, October 10^th at 3 pm and on Sunday, October 24^th at the Fanatic Salon Theater in Culver City.

Here is the website for more information: www.theycallmemisterfry.com.

Your Shoe Too Can Teach

09.26.2010

Today’s project went by well and, again, happy that I didn’t have to worry about getting someone to watch a child though I’m trying to remind myself that we have Rob’s parents available. I guess in answer to my question from yesterday is that I can’t imagine not asking for and getting help. Would that be a correct assessment? If something is important to you, you’ll find a way to get it done, child or no child.

To change the subject consciously now, after I was done with my project this afternoon, I went over to my in-laws and heard a great story. There a woman with whom my mother-in-law works who has two little girls both under the age of 7, I believe. The elder one is apparently quite a pistol and will occasionally get into trouble especially with mouthing-off.

Well, she mouthed off a little too much to her parents and they disciplined her in a way that I think is awesome. The little girl, who’s about 6, loves shoes. So what they did was take away all her pairs of shoes except for some ugly tennis shoes. In order for her to get her shoes back, she has to work for them. So far, she got 2 pairs back.

I clapped when I heard this story! Parents disciplining their children? Hooray! And what a creative way of doing so at that. I definitely made a mental note of that in case we were to ever have a daughter and she loved shoes as much as I did.

Holding Parents Accountable

09.18.2010

The topics of education, our children’s future and our investment in it have been a passion of mine since I was a kid. Part of the reason is because my mom was a teacher. I grew up witnessing the demands, pressures and rewards that come with serving in education. I myself could only handle it for two years, and the only thing I miss is working with students, though, I try finding different ways of working with them.

As a former full-time educator, and one who still teaches once a week, I think it’s outstanding that steps are being taken to hold teachers accountable. Yes, the current steps don’t take the entire picture into consideration but they’re steps that can re-shaped and reconfigured. Think of all the teachers you’ve had and I’m sure you can think of at least one that should not have been teaching. We make sure that our educators are properly trained and certified so that they can enter a classroom but there’s no guarantee that how they pass along the information will be successful.

Now, what about parents? No one wants to touch this issue but I will. Anyone can be a parent. There is no class you have to take, no lessons to prepare, no certification needed. I understand that enforcing this is impossible because there’s no way to have one manual on parenting, but when are parents going to take responsibility for their and their kid’s behavior? It starts with admitting to who your kid is really. Too many parents convince themselves their kid can do no wrong or has no challenges.

As a teacher, I can immediately figure out what parents value and I can tell what’s going on between them (whether they’re getting along or not). The only other person your kid spends a huge amount of time with (if not more) is a teacher. I’m not saying teachers know it all; they don’t. But the issues you have at home play out in the classroom and a teacher has to deal with it throughout the school day. If you had a bad morning and took it out on your kid, the teacher will have to console or discipline. Abuse happening at home? The teacher deals with it by either trying to get a withdrawn child to focus on his/her work or stop him/her from bullying other kids. Do you know how much time and energy this takes up often during class time? Because of one child’s misbehavior, 20-30 students pay the price.

I’m so tired of teachers getting spat on and looked at as having the easiest job in the world based only on the facts that the day “ends” at 2:30/3 o’clock and that they get so many vacations. You know what I did Thanksgiving 2001? Graded papers the entire 4 days. My 10-day Christmas vacation? Filled with researching projects and lessons. A typical week was 60 hours and my annual salary was $25K with no pay during the summer. This isn’t a “woe is me” story. I would just like to see parents be held more accountable and admit if their kid is having problems (emotional, a learning disability, or something else) because if you don’t try to fix something, it’ll get worse. I promise you. Look at the state of our education system now. No one wants to step forward and say, “Enough. We are in this together. Who is with me?”

The Teaching Profession: Once Upon a Time

04.23.2010

[It’s hard to believe that April is almost over and that 1/3 of the year is practically gone!]

Food for thought: At one point in US History, only men were the educators and teaching positions were one of the highest paid salaries in the nation. Gradually, as the Industrial Revolution provided more technical opportunities and required knowledge of machinery, more men left the teaching profession to jump on the Revolution’s bandwagon.

Teachers were still needed and women wanted to work. So more women took the positions that the men were leaving behind…but it wasn’t really considered “working” if a woman was doing it and so, what was once a highly lucrative field, dropped in economic value and hasn’t recovered since.

Once starting school, a child spends more time at school with teachers than at home with parents. We instill our trust in a different individual each year and instill our trust in an institution to partner with us as parents to raise and shape a little person. Why did we consider education to be more important when men operated it?