The Heart of Mushy Cereal is Love

02.22.2011

I baby-sat today and after about a 12-year gap of taking care of a toddler, there are many things I forgot about. For example, bibs are an excellent invention and breakfast isn’t a 15-minute affair. In fact, it’s not a 30-minute affair or a 45 or 60-minute one. Also each action is a reaction to a negotiation and why more mothers aren’t hired as lawyers, contract arbitrators or political negotiators is beyond me.

I was also reminded that a “quick” walk down the block would be more than 15-minutes. And I learned that convincing a two-year old that traipsing through a bed of flowers takes more skill than solving a computer problem. Or that convincing said two-year old that chewing on miniscule dinosaur toys isn’t good for you could instantly become more challenging than any statistical math problem ever presented. Both involve logic, right? You’d think.

There are other things I forgot about in this 12-year absence such as the magic of tiny hands offering a hug or the stretching out of one of those tiny, chubby hands to share a now mushy piece of cereal that at one point was in the mouth but is now intended to be consumed by me. I also forgot how sacred the trust is that we are all born with and lose along the way. I also didn’t realize how protective I feel about that trust. I forgot how melodic a child’s giggle is or how wondrous is the moment when a child realizes if you pour sand into a construction toy it will make wheels spin. And how this simple mechanical toy fascinates a toddler’s imagination for a very long time.

I still believe that children are not ours to keep; that they are merely ours on loan and from the very first moment we hold them in our arms we are to teach them to be independent, respectful and loving. I also believe that whatever psychological and emotional issues we have as individuals they are ours to work out, not the child’s responsibility to either mask those problems or “fix” them. But what I’m coming to realize is that while we should be teaching them independence, they teach us to open our hearts and eyes to the world and to understand that independence isn’t the sole point to survival. Children depend on us and we depend on them to remind us that the flower they stop to smell is a necessary moment to feel connected to everything around us. Perhaps it is the children that are our true teachers and not the other way around…

Loud Smiles and Joys

01.18.2011

There’s a particular joy that arises when a toddler comes into the room and smiles. There is also a particular joy that arises when the same toddler discovers how annoying screaming is to adults and I get to leave.

“You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have The Facts of Life…”

A Toddler Communicates

06.09.2010

While at my job today, my boss’ 1 1/2 – year old granddaughter came for a visit and while she, the granddaughter, was going on her routine walk around the house, she and her mom and her mom’s friend stopped by the office where I work to say hi. While the little girl’s mom momentarily talked with her friend, the little girl came up to me and pointed to a doll that was nearby. She knew that the doll was mechanical and, using non-verbal communication, told me she wanted me to wind it up. When the doll finished “playing” its guitar, the little girl took my hand and placed it on the wind-up knob because she wanted to watch it move again. Without any words, she told me what she wanted me to do and, luckily, I have the savviness to speak 1.5-year old.

I find the first 5 years of a child’s growth to be fascinating. Even though I grumble about not wanting a newborn and a toddler – and have even said that I wish I could just start with our own 5-year old so I wouldn’t have to do everything for the child – this is precisely the age I don’t want to take part of that I find the most interesting. (Explain that dichotomy to me.)

Anyway, I got the doll to play again and then the little girl decided that she wanted to hold it. So she flashed me cute smile, took the doll and started jamming out of the room like a prisoner breaking out of jail. It was quite funny. Her mom had to go running after her and then explain that the doll had to stay with me but that they could continue on their journey around the house looking for grandma. This seemed to satisfy her.

It has always amazed me how you can totally communicate with a little child who can’t even put two or three words together yet. But each side understands each other (for the most part) and a “dialogue” can take place. The human mind is truly a wonder.

Toddlers as Live Barbies

06.02.2010

TLC has become my drug. It’s disgusting, foul, wrong on so many levels, and yet, I can’t stop watching it lately. Is there a Reality Show Anonymous group meeting somewhere? I need to join.

The latest disgusting show that I’ve sat through is called Toddlers & Tiaras. Just when I thought that Jon and Kate Plus Eight was rock bottom for the TV station…nope, I was proven wrong. In fact, it’s not just the show. It’s the fact that people do this to their little girls. Look at this picture:

How is this normal? If you’re going to put your kid in a pageant, why does she have to be a Barbie doll? Can’t there be a pageant about how fast a child can run? Or how about whether or not the kid knows her ABCs? I don’t understand the fascination with pageants. I sat through ONE (too many) Miss America pageants in my life – back in the 1980s, I think. It was painful not just because the contestants wouldn’t stop fake smiling or that they couldn’t put a sentence together, but I sat watching them feeling like shit because I didn’t have the kind of body they were strutting on stage.

Just look at these photos:

This isn't cute! Cute is a little girl in pigtails with jeans, Sketchers, and a cute T-shirt with, like, Hello Kitty on it. Cute is a little girl in a polka dotted dress. Cute is not a little girl with the face of a 25 year-old.

And if you watch the show, many of these girls are being taught that they are so special that they are to be waited on hand and foot and that every whim and desire is to be catered to because they are beautiful. Little girls as young as 2 are demanding and throwing temper tantrums because they don’t like something. And not your typical tantrum that 2 year-olds throw. It’s teenaged-level tantrums at the age of 2! It’s gross. One girl insisted on having a stage name that, OK, I get it. Many performers have stage names, but the way this girl was talking about her stage name vs. who she is in “real life,” kept me thinking about the fact that I think she actually had a multiple personality disorder. And if not that, then there was just something off about her. I don’t care what anybody says, sometimes you can just tell.

I know that I’m going to be up crap creek if I ever have a little girl who is a girly-girl. I will have great difficulty relating to her because I’ve always been a tomboy, getting my hands dirty and climbing trees. (Although I always made sure to have the right accessories with me.) Despite being overweight, I was into sports and am way too competitive – much to Rob’s dismay at times. I hate(d) shopping and it wasn’t until college that I discovered make-up. But even to this day I would rather sleep in than get up 30 minutes early to make-up my face.

But I AM open enough that if I did have a girly-girl, that I would do what I could to accept that and support that, but hell if I put her in a pageant. That might make me wrong but I really do think that pageants teach girls all the wrong things. Many of the moms and grandmoms on the show claim that pageants give their (grand)daughters confidence and that’s the reason they put them in. Well, I hate to break it to you…but there are plenty of other ways for girls to gain confidence and NOT be paraded around like pieces of meat from the time they're infants.[1]

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[1] Pictures from Google Images, running a search for Toddlers & Tiaras.