Public Spaces and Children

03.10.2010

I wish that when people took their kids to restaurants that they would better control them. If you want your child to run like a banshee all over the place in the privacy of your own home then that is your prerogative. But please, spare the rest of us from having to do your job. I don’t go out to eat with family and/or friends so that I could listen to a child scream “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” as he/she tries to get your attention and you’re very obviously tuning him/her out. I can sort of understand you wanting to tune out your child, but it’s not fair to have to make me have to listen to him/her. If you want to “tune out” your kid, have a date night without him/her. And if you can’t afford a babysitter then you should’ve thought about that before having a kid. And if you can’t control your child then seek therapy because, I assure you, it’s not going to get easier as the child gets older. If anything, take your child OUT of the restaurant when a tantrum or misbehavior starts. YOU are the adult. Restaurants are public places, not extensions of your personal dining room. Kids need to learn how to act in public and it’s your responsibility as a parent to guide your child in learning how to act accordingly. This is just one example of what leads to selfish individuals who think they can get away with anything.

Religion, Children and Consequences

03.09.2010

Why don’t people understand that actions have consequences?! Let’s talk about people who shouldn’t be having kids (until they are better equipped to do so). There are two categories. There are those who shouldn’t be having kids because the families become a burden on the State. For example, a woman keeps having children to accrue more welfare who then digs herself deeper and deeper into a hole all the while the children are learning to repeat this cycle. (I propose starting by changing the damn system. That should solve a huge chunk of women having kids in order to collect checks. Children aren't items at Vons or Ralph's.)

The other category falls under the religious umbrella and this is the category I want to focus on today. I’m so tired of religion, mainly Christianity, not talking to its constituents about the seriousness of having a child. And I pick on Christianity because I was raised Roman Catholic. There’s this stupid, romantic notion that Christians have that as long as you believe in God all your problems will be solved (here’s that “magic pill” again!). And before I get attacked, yes, I do believe in God, though I don’t necessarily believe in the cookie cutter version of God that Catholics teach. But this belief that all you need is God to get through the day isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes you need the right talent, sometimes you need the right people in your life, or sometimes you need a paycheck to get through the day. My belief in God or saying a prayer may help give me strength to deal with the issue but the prayer itself isn’t going to solve the problem. You need to work at solving the problem.

Just like having and raising children takes work. The LA Times had an article yesterday about a Christian pastor heeding God’s call to bring a truck to places like Watts and offering women, particularly teens, free ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, and other things.[1] Throughout the article I thought, “Ok, good for these people. But I’m sure it’s coming…”

What’s the “it’s” I was referring to? Keep reading.

A teen told one of the counselors that she was going to keep her baby after getting confirmation that she was pregnant. Having already had one abortion because her boyfriend was in jail at the time and she was worried she wouldn’t be able to support a baby (!!), she decided that it was only right to keep this second child. The counselor responds, “I’m so happy you’re making this decision…Now do you have faith?”

[“THERE IT IS!” I yelled in my head.]

“I don’t really know what I am,” the girl responds. “But I have accepted God in my heart.”

“Good,” the counselor says. “Briana, that’s going to really help. Because life can be really hard, but God will be there for you, and Briana, I believe God has a plan and a purpose not only for you but for your baby too.”

[“BINGO!” I yelled.] Now, to dissect the hell out of this.

First, Briana is pregnant. AGAIN. Why are we advocating this? How is it that teaching about contraceptives is supposedly promoting sex but once they’re pregnant – MORE THAN ONCE – religion ignores the issue of premarital sex completely? Don’t we want to make sure that these teenaged girls DON’T get put in the position they find themselves in? Why are we advocating a more difficult life for these young girls instead of just teaching and talking about prevention?

Second, if someone like Briana is seeking out help with her pregnancy, what the hell does it matter if she has faith? Would she get turned away because she might not? I bet she would. These people who “heed God’s call” do so only under the condition that you believe in (their) God as well. And if you don’t, then, either “good riddance” or they force their religion down your throat. This always makes me laugh riotously because, oh, I don’t know. Didn’t Jesus help anyone and everyone regardless of whether they believed in him or not? Cause last I checked the sentiment “help they neighbor” it didn’t apply to just those who believed in a Christian God.

Third, the quote “life can be really hard but God will be there for you”….well, yeah, OK, but life is hard for anyone whether you believe in God or not.. We all need to get through the day somehow. Some people pray, some people meditate, some people throw a fist to the wall. Whatever.

And now to my favorite quote from the article. “I believe God has a plan and a purpose not only for you but for your baby too.” Really? Cause I was taught from an early age that God has a plan and a purpose for ALL of us whether we decided to have and raise a child or not. This is the kind of bullshit that religion feeds to people. I mean, when you’re a destitute teenager, how do you argue with an adult when he/she tells you that “God has a plan for you”? Hell, when you’re a destitute anyone, how do you argue with something like that? It makes you feel important and special and makes you feel validated in the decision(s) you made. But let’s get back to my very first point.

THE TEENAGER IS PREGNANT. We’re really validating this girl’s decision to get pregnant because God has a plan for her and her baby? We need to stop using God to justify every decision we make.

I’m sure there’s someone yelling back at me “What’s the alternative? Abortion?” Well, no, that’s necessarily what I’m saying. I mean, in full disclosure, I am pro-choice, but more than anything, I am pro-education. We need to stop putting societal blinders on and accept that there are people having pre-marital sex. You can teach about the dangers of sex, pregnancy, STDs and abstinence all together with the understanding that people are going to ultimately make their own decision. But when a person knows even just a little of what the consequences are, it will give him/her pause. But believing in God isn’t going to pay the bills. Having an education will. But if you’re a teen the chances of you completing college with a child fall to a very low percentage. Why would religion advocate a life for both mother and child that will most likely result in poverty? How is this beneficial for society as a whole?

Having faith is important; I won’t discount that. But we can’t use it as the sole excuse to help someone in need. We have so many families with 6, 7, 8 plus children because “it’s what God wants”. No! IT’S NOT! I saw God in a vision and He told me that that’s not what He wants. He wants us to care for those who already walk the Earth, He wants us to love unconditionally, and He wants us to help those in need without proselytizing. Having children isn’t a factory job where a woman cranks out babies while clocked in. We should be providing an environment where a child can learn and discover his/her world comfortably and where parents and/or supervising adults can provide the best childcare possible. I think it’s important to raise your children with whatever your beliefs are. Please, don’t get me wrong. But having this faith shouldn’t determine who we help and how, or deter one from knowing certain consequences. Having sex can lead to getting pregnant. It doesn’t happen randomly like some sort of an illness. It’s a very specific act with a very specific outcome. But when it’s kept hidden or when the issue(s) are swept under the rug, problems for everyone arise. And girls often find themselves in a cycle of having more and more children that they are unable to properly take care of. When you have a brood of children under one house, how is that a healthy environment for anyone?

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[1] Los Angeles Times, “A Drive to Reduce Abortions”, Monday, March 8, 2010, AA4.

You'll Understand. One Day.

03.08.2010

So I think I might actually talk about what I consider to be positives about having kids. Or rather….what I’ve heard are the positives. I understand that I can’t speak from experience…although…I’m not sure if that’s necessarily true. Yes, I’ve never birthed a child and I’m not raising a child. But one of my jobs as an undergrad was working as a nanny. I did that for about 3 years and 14 years later, I’m still in touch with the family and feel like I’ve had a hand in shaping their children. At least in the early years because now the family no longer lives in Los Angeles.

I sparingly tell people about that particular job when talking about children because the general consensus is that if you don’t have children in whatever capacity, then a) you’re not part of the club and, b) there’s no way you can understand. And the thing is…yes, I can. I know the feeling when a small child laughs at something you said with such gusto that you can’t help but laugh with him/her. I know what it’s like to have little hands wrap around my neck, with a little voice saying “thank you” or “I love you”. I know the joy within when I taught a child to read a word and they recognized that word elsewhere and pointed it out or when the child realized what the colors yellow, blue and red are. Because I didn’t birth a child doesn’t mean that I have absolutely no idea what a world a child opens up. And, frankly, I really resent when parents look down at me and/or pat me on the shoulder and say something to the effect of “You just don’t understand. But one day you will.”

I think the fact that I resent such an attitude so much is because it feels like no one wants to believe that no one could understand the emotions of a parent without actually being a parent. And I don’t agree with that. I think when you have a hand in raising a child, regardless if it’s someone else’s child, you are capable of, at least, empathy. I mean, what about adoption? Does the only way to fully “understand” what it’s like to be a parent mean you have to actually conceive a child? No, I don’t think so.

If a skier is telling me a story about the Olympics and the rush she got from its participation, does it mean I can’t say “I totally understand that rush” because I wasn’t an athlete in the games? I used to play volleyball; I know the hours of dedication, practice, runs, drills, etc. it takes to get better. I know the feeling of walking on to the court at playoffs when all eyes are on you and that feeling of “this is it” flowing through your veins. I am completely capable of understanding the skier’s emotions of being in the Olympics without having actually been there myself. And because I didn’t participate in the Olympics, it doesn’t make me any less of a person.

I am completely aware that there are aspects of parenting that I won’t understand until it happens to me. Of course! My husband and I don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed a newborn, we don’t have to budget for diapers or medicine, and we don’t have to worry about putting away money for college. But just because there are those who do have these concerns, it doesn’t make them better than I, like only “special” people become a part of this club and your ticket in is a baby. It’s not a secret society.

And speaking of “secret society”…another pet peeve of mine. (Didn’t I say I’d keep this positive? Oh well…) I really don’t like when people decide to have children for whatever their reasons are and suddenly anyone who doesn’t have a kid disappears from their lives. And this doesn’t just happen with kids. I remember girlfriends getting a boyfriend and they’d disappear until the relationship ended and suddenly they needed company. I was usually single, so this happened to me A LOT. Then friends got married and I, still being single, suddenly was really cut out of their lives because, well, why invite a single friend to a couple’s gathering? So, if that's the case, what about getting together separately? Just the girls? Many of my girlfriends didn’t really opt for that. Cause, God forbid, you spend a few hours apart from your partner. When I myself got married 4 years ago, I make it a necessary part of my routine to spend time with all my girlfriends, single or not. My single status may have changed, but I still need my girlfriends.

So, as we got older and more people started having kids, I quickly noticed how ostracized the childless couples are. Does anyone else notice that? Am I being overly sensitive? I don’t know. Perhaps my expectations are too high. I can understand that children alter your life and schedules and stuff, but am I going to be expected to be around only those who have children once I have kids? I can’t see myself doing that. Just like I make it a point to hang out with my friends who were friends with me before I got married, I plan to continue these friendships once a child is in my life. I really hope that I don’t become a child snob. I really, really don’t.

Children and Prescription Drugs

03.07.2010

I was thinking some about an event I went to last week. A good friend of mine, and former co-worker, runs a wonderful literary group called Writers Bloc Presents, and she was hosting author Judith Warner who wrote the book We’ve Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication.[1] I think the subject of kids and prescription drugs is such an important one and I truly wish that I wasn’t such a scaredy-cat and that I would’ve gone up to the mic and asked my question.

Judith Warner said that upon doing the research for her book she discovered that her opinions on the matter started to change. Initially she felt that our society was prescribing drugs to children needlessly and realized that this wasn’t necessarily true. What I wanted to ask her was if she found amidst her research the extent to which doctors went to before they prescribed the drugs. In other words, if a parent comes to a doctor with complaints that his/her child isn’t performing well in school and the child seems overactive, etc., how much of the child’s overall well-being is being considered before the prescription tablet comes out?

I haven’t read Judith Warner’s book and, I acknowledge that, I probably should. But I’m going to continue with my sentiment anyway because I’m going to base my knowledge on personal experience. I think..uh, no, let me amend that. I believe that doctors are way too quick to prescribe drugs. Perhaps some of it is due to the fact that doctors and pharmaceuticals lie in the same bed (something Warner didn’t negate) but I believe a huge chunk of it is because it’s convenient.

Our society is SO catered to convenience. We don’t pick up the phone to talk to someone; we e-mail (or text). We don’t go to the library to do research; we use the Internet. We don’t go to stores to shop; we buy on-line. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with these things; however, there’s something very, very, very wrong when we want to take a magic pill to make all our problems go away.

Now, before I go on, let me stop for just a moment. I don’t want to discount the fact that drugs for children (or anyone) don’t do anything for them. For people who truly have ADD or ADHD, for example, the drug is a miracle. I understand that. But, in the process of diagnosis, is there any consideration given to the child’s diet? To how much TV the child watches? To what kind of a teacher or teachers the child has? To the child’s routine at home/school?

Let’s focus on diet for a moment. So much of what we put into our bodies determines our mental and physical health. People might deny it, but it’s true. Think about how you feel after a heavy meal at Thanksgiving. What about after consuming fast food? Feeling sluggish afterwards? Compare that to how you feel after a satisfying lunch that gives you just enough fuel to last you through the day. I bet when you fill your belly just enough you feel much better than after a heavy meal.

I have a friend who recently altered one of her children’s diets. She noticed that he was very hyper and decided to cut his sugar intake by a huge percentage. Within 24 hours she noticed a different child. He was calmer, more attentive, and the behavioral issues at school and at home immediately decreased. Now, perhaps he doesn’t have ADD but it does give me pause. I’m curious that if she hadn’t thought to change his diet and had taken him to the doctor, would he have diagnosed her child with ADD? In other words, what are the steps that the doctor takes to diagnose a child with ADD other than administering some questions?

Someone very close to me was recently diagnosed with ADD and the way that occurred was by this person answering a set of questions and, receiving a score just over the minimum required to get the diagnosis, was given a prescription and now this person is on medication.

When I went to the doctor’s starting last year for some digestive issues, he spent less than 3 minutes with me, prescribed antacids and sent me home. I don’t have an MD and I could’ve told you that I didn’t have heartburn. A few months later I was back in his office telling him I thought I had IBS so he checked my stomach by pressing on a few areas, agreed with me, told me to increase my fiber by eating a bowl of cheerios and milk in the morning and at night and sent me home. I haven’t had a cup of milk in over 10 years and I already have a huge fiber intake for breakfast every morning. If he had cared enough to find out, he would’ve known that. And he's not the only doctor I've had similar experiences with. Back in 1995 I injured my ankle, could not walk at all, and all the doctor did was inject me with cortisone. Twice. Sure, it numbed the pain, but it certainly came back once that wore off. I still don't know, to this day, what was wrong with my ankle.

My point is that I don’t think doctors think about taking the time needed to get the whole picture and, as I said, it’s way too convenient to take out the prescription tablet. (And honestly, as individuals or parents, are we willing to "wait and see" in an era of instant gratification?) And considering that there are so many pharmaceuticals that are hiding their data during the research process and then people die from the medication, it scares the shit out of me to think about taking my child to a doctor and not being treated the way we should. Don’t doctors take a vow to uphold life? Why are we letting them get off so easily? Why do we choose to be a medicated society and why are we so quick to include our children in this? Don’t we, as parents and adults, want to make sure we give our children the best life possible?

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[1] www.writersblocpresents.com

Children Filling a Void

03.06.2010

Day #3. J Off to a good start, I’d say.

I was thinking a lot today about parents and their insecurities. I guess it’s sort of a continuation of yesterday’s topic. But I’m so afraid of passing on my own insecurities to my child/ren that it’s actually one of the reasons I hesitate in making a decision in the “yes” department. My life-long issues with food, weight, and trich are a constant battle that to think that I could pass along these problems to an innocent child makes me cringe.[1] Why would I want to knowingly contribute to another human’s challenges?

I see so many women want a child to fill some sort of a void. First of all, I suppose children fill a void in a man’s life. But because I’m not a man, I can’t really speak for that gender. Usually we hear about the woman and her biological clock and this undying need to give birth and hold and raise a child. Lord knows, I know of women who are addicted to newborns. I’m sure we all know a famous one! (Octomom.) But I know of one woman in particular and I’ve heard of others who coerce their husband into having another baby because, well, they “smell good”. Or “they’re so tiny and helpless”. Or “my other children are growing up so fast, I want a newborn in the house again to make me feel needed”.

Really? And we consider bringing another human being into this overpopulated world because we want to feel needed as a valid excuse? Or because we want to smell something nice? To the first one: get a dog. They need you all the time. To the second: wake up early in the morning to spend some time with yourself and walk on the beach. The ocean at that time of day has an awesome smell.

I had a friend with whom my friendship was already on the brink of falling apart when she told me that she was pregnant. I was 6 months away from getting married, I was entering the final phase of graduate school, and I had just started an internship at a non-profit. Our friendship was under some strain because of the guy she had chosen to start dating, and when I would try to reach out to help her, she would push me away. I knew of the atrocities of her childhood and her deep desire for a family, and I knew she was getting up there in age, so from an emotional point-of-view, I understand why she got pregnant. But, as a high school dropout, working at a doctor’s office, taking up with an illegal immigrant, and, at the time, living with a family because she could not afford an apartment of her own, I found the situation to be on the brink of abusive. Why would you bring a child into this situation? And with a man who was not only an illegal but also one who had two or three children and a wife back home. So many women from all walks of life get pregnant to fill an emotional need. And what I think is that it’s so unfair to lay down such a huge responsibility on a soul who never asked to be born in the first place. If you, as an adult, can’t fix your own problem, how is a child supposed to do that?

In the same context, there are women who are in marriages or relationships that are toxic for whatever reason and the mentality is that “If we just have a baby, it’ll make everything better”. Seriously, take a look around. How many people do you know in that very same position? I consider this child abuse, as well. And sometimes a couple is in a loveless marriage but for some reason divorce is not considered an option, so the mentality is that if a baby comes into the picture then it means everything is alright, right?

Why do we do this? You would think that since our society is so baby-oriented that we want to do everything in our power to make life for the baby as comfortable and stable. Yet how much attention is paid to the here and now? Is it that we’re so afraid of failure? Is it that we’re afraid to accept responsibility for the mistakes we made that led us to the position we’re in at that moment? And why do we convince ourselves that bringing a baby into the situation is going to make everything better? Is it that we become addicted to the symbolism of a baby, of its newness and 2^nd chances, which make us feel that all the problems will just go away?

And why don’t we realize that this is just a mask? That running from the problems or sweeping them under a rug may temporarily dispose of them but they will always come back with a vengeance. And by that point, you have one or more kids that will have to witness all the junk that at one point was thought to have been kept in hiding. How fair is that?

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[1] “Trich” is short for trichotillomania, a hair pulling disorder that I have dealt with since I was 12.

Children and Insecurities

03.05.10

On my way down to class this morning, I was listening to the radio and every day the radio personality has people write him e-mails describing a particular problem and then callers call in with their advice. Today’s e-mail was about a woman who’s 11-year old was climbing into bed with her. How appropriate to my topic! I was appalled at some, uh, check that, most of the callers’ advice. They were encouraging the woman to let her son continue sleeping with her because he’s going to be a teenager soon and will want nothing to do with her. I got so involved with the topic that I must’ve looked funny to the drivers next to me, gesticulating and yelling at the radio. Although, on second thought, I probably looked like I was talking on the phone.

I think it’s so bad that so many parents take their own personal issues and bestow these issues on to their children. Afraid to be alone? Afraid of trying new things? Anal retentive? Have bouts with depression? Children pick up on ALL of this. They take on our fears, our concerns, our hopes, our dreams. I know this from personal experience. Whenever my mom worried, so did I. It’s healthy to have a little bit of worry, but I’m so sick of parents not letting their children experience the world for themselves.

And I can just hear and see it now. People rolling their eyes throwing out “You just don’t understand. You don’t have kids. It’s different.” Well, I had a mother who was very protective of me. And wanting to protect your children from the world is natural, of course; it’s instinctual. But I argue that most people let that be masked by their own fears of the world. In other words, “If I just protect my child from harm, emotional insecurity, and the world in general, then nothing bad with happen to him/her.” And all that’s doing is taking your own insecurities and transferring them to your child.

One of the best words of wisdom I got from a former co-worker when we were talking about raising children was the following: We are not meant to rear children as if we will be with them for the rest of their life. From the moment the child is born it is our responsibility to teach them how to be independent.

I can’t stress enough how much in line that is with my philosophy. Sure, I don’t know what it’s like to see my little one off to kindergarten for the first time or witness the child that I birthed break a body part for the first time. I can imagine that a first time parent going through such experiences freaks out to some capacity. Lord knows that if I ever get to such milestones I might be the worst of the bunch. But I will always (try to) remind myself that I am to teach this little human being how to be self-sufficient from the get co. And sleeping with me, at any age (except for maybe as a newborn) is not going to reinforce that lesson. I don’t care how many eyeballs roll at me for that one. I am vehemently against children sleeping with their parents. You need your space, that child needs his/her space, and, let’s face it, you need space and time with your spouse. And your child needs to learn to respect that. I think the minute you let that child dictate your emotions you start letting go of who you are as an individual and you start letting go of your relationship with your spouse. No one said marriage is easy and no one said being a parent is easy. But if you choose to do either and/or both then you have to be willing to work at both without sacrificing yourself. What good is it to your child if you forget who you are as an individual and as a couple with your spouse?

Intro to Mission: Possibly, Baby

This is an experiment. An experiment that I’m hoping I can go through with…especially now that I’ve started it.

The housekeeping: I’m making a commitment to follow through with this experiment for one year. Today is March 4, 2010 and I’m to write an entry every day for the next 365 days on the subject matter of: children.[1] (Yes, very Julia & Julia. I’m aware of that, thank you.) This will be a space to explore my thoughts, fears, concerns, societal influences, etc. about having kids. I’m curious to see if I get any closer to making a bold decision in wanting to have kids and, if I were to get pregnant in the next year, what will be milling around in my head.[2] I will write in free style and, considering that my thoughts are like a ping-pong, it may be difficult to follow the stream. I want to edit as little as possible because I want this to be like a dialogue I’m having with myself so if anyone reads this, I apologize in advance. My other goal is to be as succinct as possible in my writing and not to exceed 1 – ½ pages. For anyone who knows me…this is a challenge.

As of today, it’s a private journal, but I’m considering making it public because I’m curious if there are any other women (or men) who are in my position. We only hear about baby-crazed women who’ll do anything to have a child but what about those who are on the fence? Are our reasons similar? Do we share the same fears, concerns and anxieties? And, of course, the only way to find that out is if I make this public. But, I don’t know if I’m quite ready to publish my thoughts yet. So, just like I do everything else, I have to mull it over.

Not even my husband, Rob, knows that I’m doing this. It’s not that I want to keep a “secret” from him, because I plan to eventually tell him (especially if I go public), but I’m afraid that he’s going to take one look at me and say “So this is the idea for the week of March 1^st, right?” And, I will sigh in agreement and talk myself out of doing it. My new ideas are never ending…but my commitment to following through on them is somewhat faulty.

So here we go.

03.04.2010

I spent a little bit of time talking about having children today, though this time it was centered around the fear that I have that I will be doing most of the work on my own. Despite being in a great relationship with a wonderful man, my single-parent household while growing up constantly creeps back into my consciousness. But I sometimes wonder if it’s more realistic than not, this idea of women being responsible for more in the household.

One of the things that I resent the most is how much my life will change as far as hopes and dreams are concerned. I’ve heard of women having children and putting their career and/or personal goals on hold or watch the goals disappear forever. How do we as a society reconcile feeding our children the sentiments of “dare to dream” or “don’t ever give up on your dreams” when that is EXACTLY what we stop doing when we have children? This honestly and truly frustrates me because I can't see a world, at least for me, when my one and only dream is to raise a child.

I am a human being first and foremost. I have hopes, desires and goals and why is it necessary to give all of that up in order to live for another human being. I’m sure there’s someone who might be reading this and think “You’ll understand once you have children.” And I can just hear the condescending tone. I hate that. That’s another pet peeve of mine….but I will save that for another day.

I don’t want to live for someone else. I took a vow to be honest and faithful to my husband, but I don’t live just for him. I try to live well for myself so that I could be there, throughout life, with him. I can’t live anyone else’s life but my own. So why am I expected to give it up for a child? And what is that teaching a child? What it’s teaching is that being a parent sucks.

I’m not saying that nothing should be given up or changed when children are born into a family. Obviously things change. And I can get passed that. Your sleep patterns change, you can’t just “pick up and go” anymore, your schedule revolves around your children’s, etc. That’s fine. I’m not necessarily looking forward to that, but I can deal. When you’re married you’re no longer dealing with just your schedule. So, fine, I get it. But is it fair to ask of me to give up my passions such as going to the movies or to the museum or out with a friend just because there are kids in my life?

I see way too may parents turn inward once they have kids. I can actually see parents start withering away because each day belongs to just the child. It’s about the child’s needs and desires. The adults just fade away. Literally. How is this attractive?

I’m told there’s some sort of an innate switch that turns on and you want nothing more than to spend time with your child, to be with him/her, to hold him/her, etc. And that’s fine too. I can understand (despite those of you thinking “uh, no, you don’t have kids, remember?"). But what I still don’t understand is why someone chooses to abandon who they were before the child came into their lives? A child, in my opinion, should be an addition to the family not the sole life of the family.

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[1] When I wrote this I intended to have my topic pertain to baby only; however, I quickly realized today that I would like to occasionally include all aged children. (03.06.10)

[2] I realized today that this was an important piece of info to include in the housekeeping part. (03.07.10)