Contemplating Life Without Children

02.21.2011

I think I’ve written about this before but I recently revisited the question, “How do you feel about not having kids at all?”

In my 20s, I would’ve offered a definitive answer that it doesn’t bother me. A decade or so later, I’m on the fence sometimes leaning in one direction and sometimes in the other. But the one thing I can definitely say right now is the notion of not having kids scares me more than having them because projecting into the future about 20 years it saddens me to see only Rob and me in the picture. I know that friends can become family and you can have an active life without children. I get it; I understand because Rob and I have lived such a life for 10 years now.

I was thinking about the show Brothers & Sisters that, I have to admit, has become a ridiculous soap opera, but I love the cast and so I continue to watch. But I was thinking about it today because I was thinking about Sally Field’s character and how now, with her husband dead, she lives her life day in and day out and how much more it’s fulfilled with her children. It’s hard to explain. I’m sure she’d be happy without her children (because she wouldn’t know otherwise) but there’s something about having her kids to lean on in difficult times or having her kids laugh with her in good times.

I also know that you can’t predict what kind of a relationship you’d have with your kid. I’d say my relationship with my mom (now) is pretty good. But she’s no longer in the States so the memories we create together are very few for the remainder of her (or my) life. I’d like to think I’d develop a good relationship with my kid(s) and I certainly want to be around in their adult years and see their kid(s) grow up. Jobs, career, money, cars, houses, etc will always be there in some form or another but what solidifies one’s existence is family. I think about the childless couples and wonder when a spouse dies, what’s left?