One Needs a Core

12.16.2010

A friend of mine has raised three grown sons and she told me the other day that she still has to remind herself that she is, in fact, a mom.

This struck me because I was under the impression that at some point in one’s life, quite possibly when you have a kid, things just click in to place. Not that you have everything figured out but that you, you know, grow up and that somehow having a kid makes you smarter. I know that may sound silly and/or may not make much sense but one of the reasons I’m scared of having a kid is because I have trouble seeing myself as “an adult.” Would having a child make me lose my sense of play? Would I lose my sense of wonder as I was bogged down with the responsibility of raising another human being? Would I see myself differently?

Perhaps there’s some truth to all those questions and that, yes, a part of my current definition of “play” would change or my sense of wonder would change as I witnessed the world through my child’s eyes and, yes, I suppose I would see myself differently. But we are all individuals before the child comes into our world with our own set of interests, likes and dislikes and though some of that may alter over time, I think the core of who we are remains the same post-child. What I’m starting to realize is that many of us have difficulty recognizing the movement of time and that the wistful days of our youth have long gone. Life moves forward, and that’s OK.