12.28.2010
I’m trying to launch a project that requires me to work with Dreamweaver CS. It’s taking a tremendous amount of patience, as I’m not the most tech-oriented person – ah, hell, I’m not tech-oriented at all – so I must complete tasks one painful baby-step at a time.
Under normal and any other circumstances I have an enormous amount of patience. But a computer and I are like oil and vinegar and my nasty side comes out. Rob has commented that when I get angry at the computer, he skulks away to his room, shuts the door and hides until the storm blows over. Yes, I get ugly.
Thus, in preparation for this project and knowing this, uh, “flaw” of mine, I coached myself by saying that it was necessary for me to approach this uncharted territory positively, to acknowledge that I will come to forks in the road and I won’t know which way to go, and to accept that I will make mistakes and hit up against brick walls. All of this is OK and I need to trust in myself and not be afraid to ask for help but to, most importantly, understand that I’m not in a race and am working under no deadline.
I reminded myself of all of this, repeated it like a mantra and eventually realized that these same sentiments apply to parenthood. However, before I get to that (and just stay with me), I wanted to address that I keep waiting for that “click” to occur, the one where people say you wake up one morning and know it’s time (to have a kid). That hasn’t happened to me and, I think, what’s happening is I hide behind my fear. There are, of course, other factors, but I keep waiting and wondering and nothing’s happening.
Now, I put off for weeks starting my project because of fear and the fact that I was waiting for the “right” moment – for some divine inspiration to knock me over and bless me. But I don’t know if the divine is ignoring me or perhaps I’ve pissed it off but I didn’t get any signs so, I buckled down and started on my own.
Parenthood is uncharted territory and needs to be approached positively knowing that fear is part of the equation but not the answer. You will come to forks in the road and not know which way to go. Mistakes will occur and there’ll be moments where you feel like you’re hitting your head up against the wall. And you know what? That’s OK.
The journey of weaving a dream begins with the first baby-step. My road beckons…
if you need any DW help, let me know. i get paid to play on dw and photoshop at work. :) also if you have the time, check out the training videos at lynda.com, they are very helpful!
ReplyDeletei've been using lynda.com, thanks! i can't get to the videos i need, though, w/o a membership which we're going to get this week. so hopefully that will ease my "i'm-going-crazy" state of mind. :)
ReplyDeleteand thanks for offering to help. i will definitely take you up on it!