Baby vs. Job, Part I

03.21.2010

Despite being happy for the most part with where I am in my life, when it comes to the topic of planning a family, I’m getting increasingly frustrated and I’m curious if anyone feels the same way, similar to, or has felt the same way as I.

Very recently, I made the decision that after this semester, I won’t continue with the program that I started last fall. This decision has been several months in the making and, for all intents and purposes, I wish I had made this decision before the semester started but, nonetheless, I didn’t and now I have to wait it out. But the thing that’s becoming increasingly frustrating is how do we, as a family, proceed with our family planning?

Rob’s company is being sold so his future with the company, once it’s officially taken over by a new owner, is unclear. And with me not continuing with my program, the question becomes, Do we start a family now while I’m still unemployed or not? A few days ago I realized that no company is going to hire a pregnant woman so if I get pregnant now, I can’t expect to be hired until after the baby is born. But then I should probably wait a few months past that because I shouldn’t jump into a job right when the baby is born.

If I get a job now, I have to wait to get pregnant until I’ve worked long enough to accrue the necessary time to get maternity leave, and that’s assuming that the company for which I work even has that option.

An even bigger wrench thrown into the dilemma is that there is absolutely no guarantee that I’d get pregnant in time for either situation to pan out. If I look for a job now and get pregnant in the next 3-6 months, I’m “cooked”; no one will hire me. But if I don’t look for a job hoping to get pregnant in the next 6 months and I don’t, I’ve lost the time that I could’ve been looking for a permanent job.

The other side of the coin is that if put off just starting to try to get pregnant for another 18-24 months, I will be around 37-years old and my chances of getting pregnant drop immensely. Do I want to take that risk? And if we’re going ahead with our own biological children, I don’t want just one; I’d like the child to have a sibling. Therefore, we’d have two children under the age of 5 at the same time because I don’t want to be in my 40s trying for a second child.

I’m so incredibly frustrated and I, again, find myself in a situation where I totally resent the fact that, as a woman, I have to face this decision. Men don’t have to face this choice. And I also resent the fact that because I chose to have a life in my 20s, I’m now being penalized for that decision. I chose to do different things while in my 20s and am now ready to “settle down” with a permanent job but I’m faced with having to choose between a job or a baby. I wasn’t ready for either choice in my 20s but it’s almost like I feel like it’s too late for either. Or at least I’m at the point where I feel like it’s getting to be too late for either.

I mean, I talk about how important it is to know yourself and stay true to yourself as an individual and I didn’t have that in my 20s so adding a child to that mix would have been very detrimental to both of us. How is this fair? It’s as if women have this small window of opportunity to do the “career thing” but then, you better rush off to have a kid because, if anything, your body is going to start shutting down and all you’ll have to show for yourself is a career. I don’t agree that women should be having kids in their (late) 40s and 50s but I really do feel the physical pressure of having a kid and the pressure of finding a satisfactory job. I just wish there were some happy medium because I can’t see it now and it angers me.