03.27.2010
I landed a little gig as an extra on a film shoot today and I was so completely and totally happy to be on a set again. It’s always one kind of an experience to be running your own set but I absolutely love being on other people’s sets too. And the best part of this experience was that it was a very small production so in between takes and/or in between setting up for the next shot, I was able to stick around the set and watch. This is how I learn; I observe. Back in the day I was an extra on many TV shows, thanks to a friend of mine who used to work at Central Casting, and the difference between large productions and small ones is that you are brought to set when they need you and then hauled off set to a waiting area when they don't. So I didn’t get to do that much observation of what was going on behind-the-scenes back then.
As thrilled as I was to be a part of this production, it got me thinking about the baby issue. The workday for me began at 5:33 am, though, ok, I’ll be honest. I didn’t get up until 6:03. I ran around getting my morning routine done, getting the cats situated, reading my “bring with you” list and making sure I had everything packed and ready to go. I had an errand to run before driving to set, so the pressure was on to be sure I got out of the door by a certain time because I had, at least, a 40 minute drive ahead of me. (And, not to mention, that I am morning-challenged, so this is all quite difficult for me.) Once on set, the day turned into a 10-hour day. Now, I’m not complaining because, as I said, I absolutely love being on set and, for the first time, I recognized how much it feels like home to me.
But, let me reiterate: A TEN-HOUR WORK DAY. Now, when I was teaching, this wasn’t unusual, so it’s not like I’m shocked at the long hours but, unlike teaching, I welcome that 10-hour day. But, if there was a baby in our household, not only would that kind of a workday be a problem, I would’ve most likely had to have passed on this opportunity because it came at the last minute and finding someone to stay with the baby ain’t so easy on short notice (something I’ve taken note of over the years from friends who started having kids).
So, this brings me to my constant, seemingly never ending, struggle: How much of what I love to do, do I give up for the sake of a child? And how do I wrestle with the feeling that there’s a strong possibility I’d be resentful if an opportunity like this comes around and I can’t take it because I can’t find anyone to stay with said child?
And after you say no to the career thing, what do you have to show after x number of years? Rob will have his career... and you will have... a kid. I don't know how you couldn't feel a bit of resentment. And it also ties back to the whole gender stereotype: men go out and have a career to make $ and women go through pregnancy and stay home with the kid. Is raising a kid supposed to satisfy women and fulfill our destiny? How are women supposed to have a fulfilling career if 1) there is no family help or 2) it just makes more sense financially if the woman stays home, as opposed to paying for childcare? Do you have to give up your career and put it on the back burner to know that you will return in x number of years? And knowing that, those x number of years just put you THAT many years back in pay, experience, retirement, etc. How is that fair?
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