I'm Not That Strong

10.27.2010

I don’t know how women do it. I must be exceptionally weak.

I heard that to imagine the pain of labor, one should take one’s worst cramps and multiply it by 100. At the risk of TMI (and I’m sorry to any men reading this) but I was in so much pain from cramps today that had I been around any individual, I would’ve clawed that person’s eyes out. And my pain went on for only 20 minutes.

Sitting on the floor, huddled with legs bent, I tried to imagine going through this pain at an increased intensity and intermittently for 10 hours or more. The only thoughts to follow this fantasy were, “Women must out of their [expletive] minds.”

And to the sentiment, “It’s almost like you don’t even realize you’re in so much pain because you’re transported to another level,” I respond with an emphatic and sarcastic, “Duh. You’d have to be on another level, on another plateau, hell, on another god-damned planet to deal with so much pain.” Why do we choose to go through that?

Oh, that’s right! For a bundle of joy who robs you of sleep for the first 5 to 18 years of your life. For a bundle of joy who robs your bank account for the first 22 years of your life. And for that bundle of joy who will make you question your very existence for the rest of your life. All for “unconditional love,” right?

But before you get your bundle a joy, a woman has to go through a monthly, painful ritual. Having a period is hell. At least for me. It used to be so easy for me but life after 30 is certainly different. And I feel like it’s making me physically weaker because I used to be able to take pain so much better. I don’t get it. I honestly don’t get it.

A woman must be unbelievably selfless to go through so much physical alteration and pain for a bundle of joy. I don’t know if I’m that strong. I really don’t know.