An Individual, A Couple and Then a Family

04.30.2010

I’ve resolved in my head to stop somehow convincing myself that because I may not necessarily agree with a parent’s decision that I’m going to do exactly that too. There’s this weird psychology I conduct on myself. I see a or hear about a parent making a choice I don’t agree with, I get all worked up cause I play out the repercussions in my head and how unfair they are to the child, and I, in turn, tell myself, “See, here’s one more reason not to have a child cause you’re going to make wrong decisions just like this parent and it’s going to screw it all up for them.”

I don’t want to think like that anymore. Despite me not agreeing with a parent, the fact of the matter is A) they are doing the best that they can at that moment with the knowledge that they have and B) Lord knows there's gonna be a parent or two or three that’s going to disagree with my decisions. So, let that go.

But what I will focus on are those parents that I feel are doing it right. One of the things that scares me immensely is how much my relationship with Rob will change. I’ve seen first hand, several times, in fact, what a child does to a couple and how a disconnect begins and how the woman becomes so child-obsessed that she literally starts to ignore her husband forgetting that she is a half of a unit. I don’t want this to happen and after a lunch Rob had with a divorce attorney friend who confirmed that most divorces happen not because of money but because the woman forgets about her husband, this is much more a reality than I think our society cares to admit.

So I look to those who frequently take the time to be together without their children to remind each other that they are individuals first, a couple second, and a family third. And, even though I’ve doled out numbers, it might seem that I’m separating each but, in fact, I believe all three work together simultaneously; however, each element is part of the whole and deserves as much attention as possible. Without a balance within each element, a darkness will start to grow equivalent to what I call a cancer. I desperately want balance in my life and I want to focus on those individuals that I feel seek that balance in their lives too. Thank you to those couples that believe that as much as I do. You’re an inspiration to me and you are proof that it is possible to still have a life and children too.