07.28.2010
I recently met a friend who had a baby a couple of months ago and one of the things we talked about is the emotions that follow once you have a baby. Obviously we were speaking from a woman’s perspective and I started wondering about why more women don’t come out and admit certain feelings and/or thoughts. Well, let me correct myself. I can actually answer that. It’s because it’s not “normal” to have feelings of dislike towards a child that you just birthed, that’s why. Or is it?
I know of two, unrelated adults who admitted to not loving their child once he/she came into their life. I find this fascinating because does this ever come into play in the movies, TV shows or even in conversation with friends? One person said that a few days after his child was born, he and his spouse turned to each other said, “What the hell did we do?” and then admitted that it wasn’t until about month 3 that they started to have feelings of love toward their child.
I know that it seems that I tend to constantly side on the negative and that I may often come across as a pessimist. But all I’ve ever asked for was the full picture and I don’t believe we get that. And worse, I don’t believe women get that. We are sold the notion that getting married and having babies is the only calling we’re meant to follow with deep conviction. I think women need to be told that if they experience negative feelings toward their baby in the beginning, it’s ok. We need to be told that the shock of life being turned upside down is OK. I imagine that new mothers need reassurance that things are going to get better because there’s nothing worse than feeling alone. I wish there were more stories that offered all different kinds of experiences and emotions…
(…hmmmm…a book idea?...)
I certainly can relate to this post. I loved Ava when she was born, but I didn't like her much. She did flip my life upside down. She cried alot. And I felt guilty...where was this "I'm so in love with my baby feeling" everyone talked about and why didn't I feel it. I felt protective of her...I wanted to care for her...but at the same time I felt several times, "What did I do?" And I was afraid to talk about it until one day I did and I realized I was not alone. And it is amazing...nobody talks about it. Nobody tells you that you're going to wish you hadn't done it or that you'd be wishing there was a return policy. And I couldn't talk about it until I had that "I'm so in love with my baby" feeling. It happend around 2 months for me...but it happens. I agree...people, especially women should be talking about it. It's nice to know we're not alone and that what we are feeling is normal. Great post Vej!
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