The Tug-of-War Within

07.25.2010

We’re out of town and I surprised Rob with a trip to Laguna Beach where I got us tickets to see Pageant of the Masters (amazing, amazing, amazing). On the trolley to the show, I had a moment where I grabbed Rob’s hand, leaned into him and observed the tourists. Most of them were families and I realized that their traveling experiences were completely different from mine. Well all our experiences are different even if we’re on the same trip. But what I mean is that traveling with kids gives a different perspective on the place you’re visiting. For starters, you’re probably doing more kid-friendly activities.

But as I sat on the trolley, a strange feeling overcame me. Although I was thrilled to be there in that moment with Rob and although I was happy that I didn’t have to worry about diaper bags, bottles, and extra clothes, there’s a slight sadness that came over me. Part of me is so tired of this struggle. I seem to have set up an impossible situation for myself: I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. Whatever happens, whatever path I choose, it’s as if I’ll always look over the fence and focus on how the grass is greener on the other side. At the end of the day, once all is said and done, how is this tug-of-war within me helping?