Big Belly ≠ Fat

08.05.2010

Today’s realization may not necessarily transform my thinking overnight, but it certainly gives me pause. I was talking today about how I see pregnant women and immediately think, “Glad that’s not me.” During my conversation, I was able to break down that it wasn’t really the fact that a baby is growing inside that makes me uncomfortable as much as what I see as being “fat.” There’s this disconnect in my brain that big belly = fat and not big belly = growing baby.

In addition, I realized that I’ve taken in all the comments from new moms about how the baby takes over your life, how you can’t read a book, how you can’t take a shower, and, at least in the beginning you, as a new mom, how you lose the essence of you who are because you’re so focused on tending to this new baby. So baby makes you look fat, physically takes over your body and completely takes over your life in every which way possible. Just thinking about it overwhelms me.

I was then asked if I thought I would be the only one in the history who would ever feel like that and if I believed that these things would last forever. Of course, I answered, “No.” One of my major problems is that I convince myself that I’m the only one going through something and then I sit in silence suffering or convinced that it’s my lot in my life to go at this alone (whatever it may be). In all honesty, I will occasionally find myself admiring a pregnant woman and take note of how beautiful and put together she may look. Having said that, I think the writing is on the wall. It’s more about my own body image and not really about having a baby at all.