When Your Self Is Not Enough

08.16.2010

Inspired by several true stories…

She was 23 and tired of boys. She wanted a man and made sure to waste no time in getting one but soon grew anxious. Of all her friends, she was the first to kiss a boy and the first to have sex. So, naturally, she thought she’d be the first to get married but with her two best friends’ weddings over she couldn’t understand what Sam was waiting for. She broke up with him and ignored his calls for two weeks until he draped a banner over the 210 Freeway asking her to marry him. Finally she’d get her Madeleine Lee dress!

One year of marriage and the daily routine was wearing thin. Sam worked a lot and her friends were busy being pregnant. “That’s it!” she realized. “I need a baby.”

Getting showered with attention from family, friends and co-workers was exactly what she wanted. She especially liked getting comments about how good she looked. She’d be damned if the baby took her looks.

She was told that the minute she held her baby for the first time that she’d fall in love. Three years later, she was still waiting for that feeling to kick in. “Maybe,” she thought to herself, “The second one would win her over.”

As the second baby screamed its head off in the other room, she found solace in her second glass of wine. Usually she waited until 5 pm but today was a hard day. Not being able to lose the baby weight made trying on clothes a nightmare. And the baby’s cries echoing throughout their big house hurt her ears. Maybe she’d insist on a bigger house; one where she could hide from the tears. Sam would do it. He’d do anything she wanted which is why she loved him. “Yes, a bigger house and a third baby,” she told herself while opening up another bottle of wine. “Third time’s the charm, right?” It had to be.