05.31.2010
Happy Memorial Day!
OK, so baby dream #2 for me, only in last night’s dream, Rob was reminding me to take my pre-natal vitamins. I’m getting a little weirded out because my position on having a baby hasn’t changed definitely in one direction or another. But two nights in a row?
This must be because a girlfriend just had her baby a few days ago.
05.30.2010
I had a strange dream last night. I’m very used to having strange dreams; strange, vivid, and super detail-oriented dreams. I sometimes retell my dreams to Rob and he can’t believe how much detail there is both in my dream and how much of it I remember. But it’s how my brain works both awake and asleep, I suppose.
Anyway, in this dream I remember being at some sort of a park and Rob was there too though I didn’t physically see him there with me, but I know he was. There were a bunch of people I was with and a little girl of about 3 or 4 was playing in something like a sandbox right in front of us. While the adults were talking, suddenly the little girl said something in response to a question that was asked that made us all laugh really hard. You know when kids will sometimes answer a question or ask something that has nothing to do with what was just said but it somehow perfectly fits anyway while, at the same time, making the situation/question/answer totally funny? Well that’s what was happening in the dream.
And I remember laughing so hard in my dream and once I caught my breath I turned to the person next to me and said, “Boy it’s been a while since I laughed that hard. I really needed that.” I mean, I laughed so hard in my dream that I actually felt my abs when I woke up this morning and I’m shocked that Rob didn’t tell me that I was laughing while asleep (which has happened to me before).
I have no idea if this dream means anything or if it’s just a manifestation of my subconscious and consciousness both aware at the same time of the issue of baby in my life. What is interesting, though, is I think I’ve dreamt of that little girl before which would be a new level of dreaming for me. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamt of the same person more than once whom I never met before.
05.29.2010
Happy birthday to a new baby born yesterday to our friends! I wish the new family much love, joy and wonderful memories. I can't wait to meet the little munchkin in the coming months.
05.28.2010
Now that I no longer have my Friday morning class, I can return to my regular Friday meetings and hopefully start getting back on track with my weight.
I’ve been attending the same Friday morning meeting since 2003 so I knew it would be challenging to attend a new meeting and I can’t explain how much I had grown dependent on that Friday routine. Even though I chose to go to another meeting with the same leader, the dynamic of the group was different which affected everything for me. I suppose I went in with a fairly negative attitude ahead of time because I knew it was just temporary so every set back I had made it easier to blame on this new meeting.
Well, when I left last August, the Friday meeting was filled with people of different ages but most people hovered somewhere in their 30s and 40s. Now, 9 months later, I found myself surrounded with women who were in their 60s and above. I couldn’t help but look at these women and be amazed.
See, aren’t you supposed to have it all figured out by then? Aren’t you supposed to know what you want out of life and why? Don’t you know why you are the way that you are by that point in your life?
I’ve heard people with children say, “I wish I had it all figured out.” This constantly surprises me because I’ve always thought, “Wow, I don’t have kids because I don’t have it figured out and I’m waiting for that to happen so that I’ll be ready.”
But seeing these women humble enough to accept that they need help, unwilling to give up on their lives and on who they are and, on the contrary, willing to invest in themselves and find out who they are now gave me so much inspiration.
It doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, how old you are, whether you have kids or not, or how you choose to live your life. The point is to choose: to live your life. The point is to choose: to be the best that you can be. The point is to choose whatever is in your heart because if we’re lucky, we’re all going to reach the age of 60 or 70 and, along the way, keep trying to figure it all out. Each stage brings a new set of challenges and once one issue is solved another challenge is eager to find its way to your doorstep. No one has all the answers and most of us work with only the knowledge we have at that moment in time.
And the point of that: is to never stop learning.
05.27.2010
Another LA Times article day!
Today’s paper, A12: Plant That Recalled Tylenol Had Cut Staff.
I could’ve stopped reading there, because my blood pressure started to rise, but I decided to keep reading. [If you remember, children's Tylenol and more than other 40 pediatric products were recalled in the last year or two.]
“A Pennsylvania drug plant plagued by quality-control problems that prompted a nationwide recall of children’s Tylenol and dozens of other popular pediatric medicines drastically reduced its workforce in recent years…And a FDA inspection report this year cited a failure to properly train contract and temporary employees as part of a catalogue of problems at the plant run by McNeil Consumer Healthcare, a subsidiary of pharmaceuticals giant Johnson & Johnson.”
At what cost are companies willing to invest in employees, in time, and in their product to ensure safety? Because, apparently, human life isn’t enough.
05.26.2010
How do parents deal with their children treating them like crap? You put in so much time as a parent to raise your child, to teach him/her the right thing to do, and to be a self-sustaining individual only to know that one day, that same child is going to look at you, not want anything to do with you, and not appreciate your hard work like he/she should. I speak from experience as a once teenager.
While Rob and his brother were going through their teenaged years, his parents were fond of saying, “I always wanted kids but I never asked for teenagers.”
I don’t have kids and, yet, I’m already petrified of this stage because I have such little patience for nincompoop behavior. I loved that age as a teacher…but as a parent? I don’t know.
05.25.2010
Sunday’s LA Times had an alarming article about giving birth. It isn’t necessarily news to me because I remember reading about this a few years ago, but, now I have a blog and I can spread the news myself (to all 3 or 4 of you).
The headline reads “An Alarming Trend in Maternal Deaths.” It is alarming because we are considered to be a developed country. Between 1996 and 2006, maternal mortality rates jumped from “5.6 deaths per 100,000 births to 16.9.”[1] That’s triple the numbers, people.
“For each death, experts estimate, there are about 50 instances of complications related to pregnancy or childbirth that are life-threatening or cause permanent damage. According to a study published last year, such ‘near misses’ – including kidney failure, respiratory distress syndrome, shock and the need for blood transfusions and ventilation- rose 25% from the late 1990s to 2005.”[2]
It continues: “Though the US spends more per birth than any other nation, maternal mortality is higher here than in 40 other industrialized countries, including Croatia, Hungary and Macedonia, and is double that of Canada and much of Western Europe. That the [US] is backsliding in this most basic of healthcare measures has triggered attention and alarm in medical circles.”
“Traditionally, physicians have viewed pregnant women as both young and healthy. In this country, that is no longer the case... More women today are giving birth in their 30s and 40s, when risks of complications during pregnancy and childbirth significantly increase…Physicians haven’t adapted their approach to childbirth to accommodate these new risks, maternal health experts said.”
While reading the article, I kept thinking about c-sections and was reminded of another article I read a while back about how dangerous they really are and how doctors are increasingly ordering them for their own convenience (which pissed me off). I was wondering if this article would mention something about that and, sure enough, it did.
“The induction or prompting of labor by medication, which is sometimes medically advisable but more often performed for the doctor’s or patient’s convenience, has climbed so steeply – it now occurs in 22% - that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists felt compelled to advise its members last year to avoid inductions before 39 weeks’ gestations. When labor is induced a week or so before the due date, the uterus may not be ready, leading to prolonged labor. After delivery, the exhausted muscle may not contract properly to stop bleeding. Blood can no longer clot and becomes the consistency of water.”
In the early 1990s, I was watching a 20/20 special on ABC about healthcare and the segment ended with the reporter saying that it was becoming increasingly important that you, as an individual, take matters into your own hands; that it was important you do your own (medical) research and urge doctors to do what you want them to do (as far as tests go). I know it’s difficult because, hell, I didn’t go to med school, so why should I be my own doctor?
But, these statistics are frightening and, like anything, you have to be in control (as much as you can) with what is happening with your body. Be active every step of the way and don’t be afraid to ask your doctor any questions. If they get annoyed – oh, well. That’s what they get paid for and when it comes to my health, I don’t care if the doctor’s annoyed with me because I don’t get to leave my body or health issues at the doctor’s office.
05.24.2010
step ashore
if time were to bring only memories,
then i’d grow a tree of wisdom
through which the world could see
the beauty that lies beneath
the surface of the moon.
the desire born in each of us,
innate, to reach those stars
that long ago have died, survived
in light that hides the hunger
that is fed in the subconscious of our mind.
read the prayers that have been written
on the stones of time and tales,
and write the words that pass your lips
when pain and anger stop to peel
the skin upon your cheeks.
set the fire into the storm
and watch it burn the clocks
as they melt my sanity and sanctity –
freezing moments
that only our hearts have chosen.
crave the waters and the sun,
but don’t let the lightning shine
the way onto the path
of darkness into light
without first whispering to me the truth
that only souls like yours
can ever know in death.
05.2000/vb.
One of the careers I had envisioned for myself while growing up was journalism – like war reporting or going undercover to find out truths about companies – and though today wasn’t like going into the trenches of Afghanistan or Iraq, I went undercover to a baby event as a young mom who was just newly pregnant (you needed to be pregnant or have kids to go). Thanks to a friend who invited me to the event, I was able for the first time ever to actually be (like) a journalist AND go undercover for a report. Total fun!
I don’t really know what I was expecting of the event but whatever it was I expected didn’t become realized. But that’s not a bad thing. In fact, one of the things that I was expecting was to come back with a bunch of grumbling and rolling of the eyes at how expensive baby items are and how unnecessary all of the stuff is. But, miraculously, I have a number of positive things to report; however, before I go into some of the product that I discovered I have a quick anecdote. About 30 minutes or so of walking around I actually found myself caught up in the whole experience and was screaming in my head, “BABY! I WANT A BABY! I like these blankets! I like these clothes! Get me that crib! yes! Yes! YES!”
I didn’t get info from every single vendor, but I took pictures of some of the items and I will, of course, include my opinion. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked most of the items on display and could see a practical use for them. I’m all about practicality, environmental friendliness and where the product is made, and I tried to ask about these concerns whenever I could.
Item #1
Twilight Turtle by Cloud B – www.cloudb.com
This was really cute and I could see how peaceful and comforting it would be to a child. It shines stars on the walls and ceiling and creates a scene of the night sky.
Item #2
Various Lotions by Little Twig – www.littletwig.com
These lotions are environmentally friendly, bath-oriented products that are organic, not tested on animals, phthalate, sulfate, paraben, nut, wheat and soy free among other things. I didn’t get any samples – not sure if they had any – but this is the kind of stuff that I’m very interested in as long as it doesn’t break the bank.
Item #3
Teething Bling by SmartMom – www.smartmomjewelry.com
This is one of my favorite items that I discovered today. I am an accessory fanatic so when I saw these I thought this was the greatest invention since sliced cheese. Is your baby teething? How about a cool-looking necklace and a bracelet that your baby can chew on? They are made from the same material as many teething toys and are made from a silicone that is phthalate and lead free, is not-toxic, dishwasher-safe and federally approved. So I can hold a baby AND look stylish too?! Hmmm…
Item #4
mamaRoo ™ by 4moms – www.4momsonline.com
The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this next item was, “Rob is going to lose his mind.” Why, you ask? Cause it has a connection to an mp3 player. Never mind that the device is designed to rock the baby like an actual parent – or that you can set it to a total of 5 different motions (Car Ride, Kangaroo, Ocean Wave, Rock-A-Bye and Tree Swing) – it has an mp3 player that Rob can connect his iPod to and start inducting our child to his crazy, weird music at infancy. How much better can this get?
Item #5
Little Crown Interiors – www.LittleCrownInteriors.com
I have always had a little bit of a thing for furniture. Ok, a big thing. And what’s scary is that when I saw a crib earlier in the show (picture at bottom) and then seeing this vendor’s display, I found myself thinking that I was going to become one of those crazy-minded moms. And not a crazy mom who has to have all the latest designer labels but, just, you know, crazy with wanting to make the room cute, comfortable, and unique. I can just see my OCD tendencies kicking in. God help Rob.
Anyway, I really liked this company’s sleek design. I asked where their furniture was made and was told Baltimore and that it was all made out of wood. I neglected to ask where they got their wood, the US or China. You don’t want wood from China but I like the fact that the furniture was made in the US.
Item #6
Sweets (cakes, cookies, etc.) by The Cake Mamas – www.thecakemamas.com
I’m a foodaholic and, more specifically, a sugar addict. I’m not really a cake person and I definitely try to avoid any cake or specialty items with fondant (cause of the chemicals and artificial flavors), BUT, I’m a sucker for a good-looking cake. (I’m also addicted to TLC’s Cake Boss and will be making a pilgrimage to the bakery and will joyously enjoy every piece of fondant).
So I decided to take some photos of the different cakes this vendor had on display. Enjoy! (And remember, these are just photos. No eating of your computer allowed.)
Item #7
Boon, Inc – www.booninc.com
If you could have a soulmate in a company, I think this company is it for me. I absolutely fell in love with every single product they had especially the “patch of grass” (see photo below). The rep was showing me some other of their products and I kept thinking “Yeah, but just look at this patch of grass. It keeps everything so organized!” This company proved to me that my fear of completely losing control of any organizational skills that I might have once I have a kid can all be put to rest. Or, at least, tempered. They have a container for the bathroom toys and items that hangs on the wall and stores everything when not in use and, when you instantly need it, it’s all right there. And these containers are in the shape of a ladybug and a frog, and are absolutely adorable. If nothing else, check out their website. All products are safe, non-toxic, and practical, practical, practical!
Items #8, #9 and #10
The Stroller Face-Off.
When I saw the various strollers on display, I thought I had landed in the middle of a sci-fi novel. When did strollers become something from Tron? I mean, don’t get me wrong, these strollers are not only sleek, chic, and cool looking, they are downright sexy.
Stokke – www.stokke.com
This company is from the Netherlands and, so, I think that adds to the stroller’s allure. There’s something about European design that is very attractive to me and, yes, I’m well aware of the hypocrisy that is occurring with that statement. (Me being pro-USA and all.) This stroller makes me want to have a baby just so that I could convince everyone to pool together their money and buy us one. But I don’t know if that’s a good enough reason.
G2 by Orbit Baby – www.orbitbaby.com
By the time I saw this stroller, I was convinced that Ray Bradbury had written me into a novel. I was waiting for this stroller to start giving me life advice. The G2’s exclusive features include the world’s first 3DRotation ™ with a rotate-and-recline interface, a QuadShock ™ which is the world’s most advanced stroller suspension and has Orbit Green: Certified Fabric that is compliant with Oeko-Tex ® Standard 100. This vendor included the different prices for their G2 product line and I nearly collapsed. It’s nearly or just over $1,000 fully loaded. Hmmm…how many people do I know?
Endangered Species Collection by babyplanet – www.baby-planet.com
Even these strollers are more advanced than the one I remember we had for my sister which consisted of two pieces of plastic with round handles for you to grab on to and which held up some colorful fabric on which she sat. With the name “BabyPlanet” I thought that this company made strollers out of recycled products but when I asked about it, I was told no but that when you were done with the stroller you could give it back to them and they’d recycle it for you.
I apologize for this being sideways. My computer is being uncooperative.
Item #11
Stokke ® Sleepi ™ by Stokke – www.stokke.com
This is the crib that I fell in love with. Its oval shape is so unique and, oddly, I could totally see myself with it. What I absolutely loved about this crib – and their high chairs – is that they are made out of wood that the company gets from their own sustainable forest in Europe. These kinds of companies I like to support. This crib is on wheels so it’s easy to maneuver and its distinctive, narrow shape makes for easy transporting from one room to another if you need. It also adapts to the size and weight of the baby and you can drop it or raise it as needed. Again, practical, practical, practical!
Thank you for reading this extremely long blog entry. I hope it was enjoyable and informational. I had fun gathering the info and the best part of the day was that I won a pair of the new “Shape-ups” by Skechers!
Also, if you have an interesting topic that you would like more info on, researched or are curious about, please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm a researcher and I'd be more than happy to see what I could find.
05.22.2010
We all have our pet peeves. This is one of mine: the phrase “We Are Pregnant.”
No, “WE are not pregnant.” A woman is pregnant. WE are expecting a child in blah-blah-blah months.
05.21.2010
On my way to my Weight Watchers meeting this morning, I caught a few minutes of the topic of the morning on KBIG and laughed out loud. A woman called in and asked about what she should do now that her best friend is pregnant and completely baby-crazed, unable to discuss anything but her baby or baby-related topics. Another woman called in and said that the pregnant friend needed a new best friend cause if she couldn’t have the support she needed in this friend, then it was time for them to part.
WHAT?!
At this point, the radio personality asked her if it isn’t possible to go overboard. I can’t remember if the woman answered him or if he cut her off but, of course, I screamed the answer to that question in my head:
YES!!
OK, let’s take a step back. I don’t know the history of the caller's best friend. Perhaps she had been trying to get pregnant for years and finally got successful. Maybe she had a Baby Mama situation where she was told she couldn’t get pregnant and miraculously got pregnant. [1] I don’t know and I don’t want to judge. I’d like to, but not knowing the details, I really can’t.
But I’m going to.
Yes, it is very possible to step overboard into baby insanity. This is one of the very reasons I started my blog. When you make your entire life about the baby then what do you have? The child is going to grow up one day and leave the nest. What are you going to have for yourself when that time comes?
We know of a woman who was so baby-obsessed and who was a nightmare to deal with once she got pregnant. There was nothing this woman could talk about other than her pregnancy. She was “tired cause of the babies,” “emotional cause of the babies,” “unable to go food shopping cause of the babies,” “can’t work cause of the babies,” “can’t walk cause of the babies,” – OH MY GOD! And how many times does a woman need to remind people she is pregnant? How many times must the belly be pointed to? This woman got herself into so much debt "because of the babies" that, I believe, she was or is on the verge of bankruptcy and now that her babies are born, she’s terrified of holding them. Yes, you read that correctly. "Terrified of holding them." She has hired a nanny whose job it is to hold and take care of the babies.
There’s nothing wrong with being excited. I don’t begrudge anybody for that – especially if the journey to conceive was a difficult one. But when there is absolutely nothing else you are capable of talking about then, I’m sorry, there's a problem. My humble advice: Get a Life. A Real One. And One That Doesn’t Involve the Baby.
[1] I’m referring to the Tina Fey and Amy Poehler movie Baby Mama that came out in 2008. If you haven’t seen it: See It.
05.20.2010
OK, mommies… Do you agree with the following article?
Baby Gear: The Only Five Items You Need
by Stacey Bradford / Saturday, May 1, 2010
I recently found myself at a baby shower and watched as the mother-to-be opened scores of gifts. I've never seen so much useless loot in my life. I can tell you from personal experience that most baby gear — especially stuff for newborns — isn't necessary. In fact, after my second baby was born I managed to get by with just five items. Here's my list:
1. Car Seat
There's no getting around it. You simply can't get by without a car seat. And unlike other items that you can buy used, safety experts recommend that you purchase a new one for your baby.
2. Crib
Even if you decide to co-sleep with your newborn, you'll eventually want him to snooze behind bars. Keep in mind that cribs are constantly getting recalled, so you'll want to stay on top of the latest news and buy one with fixed sides.
3. Stroller
Strollers are a bit like cars. You can't really survive without one. But the good news is that you can spend as little or as much as you want on a set of wheels. My personal recommendation is to start off with a frame (which costs about $55) for the infant seat. Then buy something more substantial once your child reaches six months and you have a better handle on your needs.
4. Bouncie Seat
There's no doubt a child can survive without a bouncie seat. But it sure is nice to have someplace to put your baby while you're mixing bottles or want to give your back a break.
5. Baby Bottles
Even if you breast feed, you may decide to give your child expressed milk in a baby bottle. But that doesn't mean you need to go out and buy ones that hold just two or four ounces. In just a couple of months your infant will start drinking six ounces and those petite bottles will become obsolete.
Of course, you'll also need clothing, formula and diapers. But I didn't include these on the list since I don't consider them baby gear.
What about other so-called necessities? You're probably thinking I forgot about the changing table. Nope. I ended up changing my daughter's diapers on a towel on the bed. Now that she's over six months, I decided to place a changing pad on top of a dresser.
I don't even think you need an infant tub. Your kitchen or bathroom sink is the perfect size for a little one's bath. And by the time he or she outgrows the basin, you can just transfer him or her into your regular bathtub.
I'll admit that when a baby reaches six months, you'll need a few other items. A high chair is useful. You'll also want some books and other developmentally appropriate toys. But, again, there's no reason to spend tons of money. If you ask around, you probably have friends with older kids who are just dying to give you their slightly used gear. This is how I scored a Baby Einstein exersaucer.
So what should you do with all the money you'll save not buying baby gear? The answer is simple: open a college savings account and start investing for your son or daughter's future.
Think my list is too extreme? What infant items can't you live without?[1]
For more financial tips for babies, check out my book, The Wall Street Journal. Financial Guidebook for New Parents.
05.19.2010
I wanted to include the lyrics to John Mayer's "Daughters" for several reasons. One, it's a beautiful song and despite knowing the rumors that he's a bit of a shmuck and a total casanova, it's a very deep song. But, most importantly, I think it really summarizes a lot of what I've been talking about since I started the blog in regards to how much of our actions are transpired on to our kids whether we know it or not. We are examples to our children with how to behave and we are also examples of how we love ourselves and how we love our partners. This is how children learn to view and love the world and this song is a good reminder.
I know a girl/ She puts the color inside of my world / But she's just like a maze / Where all of the walls are continually changed / And I've done all I can / To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands / Now I'm starting to see / Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters / Daughters will love like you do / Girls become lovers who turn into mothers / So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin? / It's the same she's been standing in / Since the day she saw him walking away / Now I'm left / Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters / Daughters will love like you do / Girls become lovers who turn into mothers / So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break / You'll find out how much they can take / Boys will be strong / And boys soldier on / But boys would be gone without the warmth from / A woman’s good, good heart
On behalf of every man / Looking out for every girl / You are the guide and the weight of her world / So fathers, be good to your daughters / Daughters will love like you do / Girls become lovers who turn into mothers / So mothers, be good to your daughters too
