Bullying

06.29.2010

While waiting at the doctor’s office this morning, I picked up a Parenting magazine to find inspiration for today’s topic and, lo and behold, there it was: bullying.

I have no solution to this growing problem and am of the opinion that its root lies somewhere in the notion that bullies exist because of a) a reaction to a situation at home (like abuse or neglect that’s either between parents or parent-child) or b) low self-esteem that’s most likely a result of letter “a.”

Off the top of my head, I want to say that I don’t remember being bullied or know someone who was bullied while growing up. But, upon deeper thought, that’s not true. There was a girl in my class in junior high who was constantly picked on and I remember once or twice participating in that activity only to feel horrible afterwards. As a result, I tried to consciously not pick on her although I don’t think I ever stood up for her either which, in my book, isn’t much better.

But karma is a bitch because I experienced a bully in my last place of full-time employment. And karma is a real bitch because sexual harassment was tacked onto that bill as well. My (female) boss was the bully and would harass us with detailed stories of all her sexual escapades and/or desires, which, I must say, was part of some of the most uncomfortable situations I’ve ever had to endure. Why didn’t we complain? There was no HR and the president of our small non-profit was an even bigger bully who, at an office meeting, told us that if she heard of just one complaint coming from any of us that she’d kick our “asses so far from the curb that we [wouldn’t] know what hit us or what State we [were] in.” Why didn’t any of sue? Those two women have an enormous amount of wealth and powerful attorneys behind them that after I saw what they did to my friend and co-worker who sued on another issue, their (bullying) actions made me personally too scared to sue. (And this with a lawyer husband.)

As a result, I’ve read countless articles on bullying in the office and schools and the solutions always seem so easy. But with children committing suicide, for example, we can’t ignore the fact that all of this is easier said than done especially when many times the bully is encouraged by the parent, an adult.

I sometimes take a more philosophical and spiritual argument that those who bully are lonely individuals seeking out love and acceptance and we should feel sorry for them. But it’s difficult to remember this when you are going through the pain of being bullied or watching someone close to you go through it. It’s a tragedy when kids have to experience getting picked on and, according to the article I read today, bullying is occurring to children as young as three.

I wonder if, as an adult who’s experienced bullying herself, I have no solutions and believe all the experts don’t offer realistic, retaliation-proof solutions, how can I or anyone else help combat bullying? No one should have to be scared to go to work or go to school especially a little kid whose main goal in life shouldn’t have to be figuring out reasons to not go to school. Yes, painful experiences make us tougher but there’s plenty of time in one’s life to thicken the skin. This is one instance where starting early isn’t ideal.