Dedicating Your Life to Just Your Kid

11.26.2010

My second year teaching, I had a student whose mother was a “stay-at-home mom.” She got involved in any classroom-related activity, was very nice and sweet, and I appreciated all she did for me. However, even at that time, I wondered what she was going to do once her son left the house. She dedicated her entire life to just her one child, doing nothing else and living for nothing else.

When you teach, it opens up your eyes to a lot of different things. Not only is it amazing birth control but dealing with children and then dealing with their parents gives you a really good psychological edge in life. At least, that’s what I believe.

A woman like the mother of my student scared me immensely at the age of 26 and, frankly, still does. What does a mother like that see when she looks in the mirror 18 years after her child is grown and moved out of the house? What does a mother like that see when she looks at her husband and doesn’t recognize him because he’s carved out a life for himself to accommodate his wife’s dedication toward just the child? What does a mother like that do when her child walks out of the house and starts to live on his/her own (if he/she does at all because the umbilical cord was never quite cut)? The sadness that I imagine is too much.

What is that healthy boundary? I like what Rob’s parents did by trading with other parents. One weekend they would take friends’ kids so that their parents could have some alone time and vice versa. Rob’s parents took care of their own kids but they always made sure to teach boundaries, that adult time was adult time, no exceptions. And this started from when Rob was just born. I like that. I realize now, writing this out that that’s exactly what Rob and I would do. So I guess the key is to keep that line of communication open with your spouse and expresses what you need. I don’t have to raise my kids in a closed-off environment much like my mom did and I certainly don’t have to block off help. If I want a weekend away, I’m going to take it. I always have and I don’t see a child stopping that and, as a matter of fact, it shouldn’t because I don’t want to forget who I am or who I am with Rob and realize 18 years later that I missed an entire life with the man I love and with whom I chose to share my life’s journey. Because, once the kid(s) leave, it’ll be just the two of us again and I don’t want to be strangers.