Thursday, September 30, 2010

Fisher-Price Toy Recall

09.29.2010

More toy recalls, this time for Fisher Price. They are recalling more than 10 million tricycles, toys and high chairs because of safety concerns.

Toys recalled:

  • Fisher-Price Trikes
  • Tough Trikes toddler tricycles
  • Healthy Care, Easy Clean and Close to Me High Chairs
  • Baby Playzone Crawl and Cruise Playground toys
  • Baby Playzone Crawl & Slide Arcade Toys
  • Baby Gymtastics Play Wall
  • Ocean Wonders Kick & Crawl Aquarium
  • 1-2-3 Tetherball
  • Bat & Score Goal
  • Little People Wheelies Stand ‘n Play Rampway

Visit http://www.service.mattel.com for more information.

I’m thinking that homemade toys (like a box and some empty plastic bottles maybe) as a way for kids to keep themselves occupied is becoming the best choice for parents. Building a ship or a cave from sofa cushions is fun not to mention kicking around a ball in the courtyard is fun too. Are all these different toys even necessary? We sure do start mass consumerism at an early age only to endanger so many children as a result.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bullying

06.29.2010

While waiting at the doctor’s office this morning, I picked up a Parenting magazine to find inspiration for today’s topic and, lo and behold, there it was: bullying.

I have no solution to this growing problem and am of the opinion that its root lies somewhere in the notion that bullies exist because of a) a reaction to a situation at home (like abuse or neglect that’s either between parents or parent-child) or b) low self-esteem that’s most likely a result of letter “a.”

Off the top of my head, I want to say that I don’t remember being bullied or know someone who was bullied while growing up. But, upon deeper thought, that’s not true. There was a girl in my class in junior high who was constantly picked on and I remember once or twice participating in that activity only to feel horrible afterwards. As a result, I tried to consciously not pick on her although I don’t think I ever stood up for her either which, in my book, isn’t much better.

But karma is a bitch because I experienced a bully in my last place of full-time employment. And karma is a real bitch because sexual harassment was tacked onto that bill as well. My (female) boss was the bully and would harass us with detailed stories of all her sexual escapades and/or desires, which, I must say, was part of some of the most uncomfortable situations I’ve ever had to endure. Why didn’t we complain? There was no HR and the president of our small non-profit was an even bigger bully who, at an office meeting, told us that if she heard of just one complaint coming from any of us that she’d kick our “asses so far from the curb that we [wouldn’t] know what hit us or what State we [were] in.” Why didn’t any of sue? Those two women have an enormous amount of wealth and powerful attorneys behind them that after I saw what they did to my friend and co-worker who sued on another issue, their (bullying) actions made me personally too scared to sue. (And this with a lawyer husband.)

As a result, I’ve read countless articles on bullying in the office and schools and the solutions always seem so easy. But with children committing suicide, for example, we can’t ignore the fact that all of this is easier said than done especially when many times the bully is encouraged by the parent, an adult.

I sometimes take a more philosophical and spiritual argument that those who bully are lonely individuals seeking out love and acceptance and we should feel sorry for them. But it’s difficult to remember this when you are going through the pain of being bullied or watching someone close to you go through it. It’s a tragedy when kids have to experience getting picked on and, according to the article I read today, bullying is occurring to children as young as three.

I wonder if, as an adult who’s experienced bullying herself, I have no solutions and believe all the experts don’t offer realistic, retaliation-proof solutions, how can I or anyone else help combat bullying? No one should have to be scared to go to work or go to school especially a little kid whose main goal in life shouldn’t have to be figuring out reasons to not go to school. Yes, painful experiences make us tougher but there’s plenty of time in one’s life to thicken the skin. This is one instance where starting early isn’t ideal.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Finding Inspiration on SNL

09.28.2010

I finally sat down to watch the season opener of Saturday Night Live and wasn’t surprised that it was one of their better episodes because Amy Poehler was hosting. She just had her second child about 7 weeks ago and looks great. As a result of her hosting the show, some of the “oldie but goodies” from the past came back including Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph. Boy, I miss those women. All of them are powerhouses, in my book, and have become successful comediennes as well as mothers in the past 5 years or so and they give me such inspiration. Not that I seek to be a comedienne; that’d be like me trying to make it as a singer. But they followed their passion, became successful, and are moms with family and partner/spouse obligations figuring it out as they go. I’m sure that there’s some drama behind-the-scenes and that they have days when they feel overwhelmed. But, they give me hope that women can strive to have balance between a career and family. There’s still a big chunk of me that fails to believe in that possibility 100% without something giving, but looking at these women gives me pause.

If You Dream It, Will They Come?

09.27.2010

I had a strange and disturbing dream last night which isn’t unusual as my mind almost never lets up. The strange part of the dream was that I dreamt of two women who, at one point, were in my life though they did not know each other at all. The disturbing part was that one of the two is from a distant past and whenever I dream of people from my past, I get bad news within 3-5 days. I don’t read dreams or believe in fortune telling but over the years I’ve noticed this pattern that’s accurate about 85% of the time.

One of the women was my former friend who’s mother just passed away a few weeks ago and the other woman was a classmate of mine from high school who passed away herself 4 years ago after a two-year battle with cancer. They were sitting at a round table in a field and the day was incredibly bright and sunny. I think I remember some trees in the background but other than that, no shade to be found anywhere. They were sitting at this table talking about their kids.

Now, my friend whose mother passed away has 2 little boys. My former classmate had no children. But, in my dream, I clearly remember her talking about her son. The two women were so happy to bet there, to be talking and to be sharing stories about their kids.

I woke up just as my classmate got up, laughing, to go find her son who was playing somewhere nearby. I’m usually pretty good at figuring out the symbolism in my dreams or making the connections between my dream-state and consciousness and why I would’ve dreamt what I dreamt. But in this case, I have no clue what any of it means other than the chance of getting bad news in the next few days. Whatever it is, this was one of those dreams that lingered around all day somewhat haunting me. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamt of two people that I knew but who didn’t know each other spending time together, and so joyously at that. In addition, the focus of their conversation was interesting, as well, and I wasn’t even a part of it. It was as if I was eavesdropping on (or even filming) the event and experiencing their joy from the sideline. I woke up slightly confused and it’s dreams like those that I wish we knew more about the state of dreaming, the why’s and the how’s. Perhaps it would more clearly help with any kind of decisions.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Your Shoe Too Can Teach

09.26.2010

Today’s project went by well and, again, happy that I didn’t have to worry about getting someone to watch a child though I’m trying to remind myself that we have Rob’s parents available. I guess in answer to my question from yesterday is that I can’t imagine not asking for and getting help. Would that be a correct assessment? If something is important to you, you’ll find a way to get it done, child or no child.

To change the subject consciously now, after I was done with my project this afternoon, I went over to my in-laws and heard a great story. There a woman with whom my mother-in-law works who has two little girls both under the age of 7, I believe. The elder one is apparently quite a pistol and will occasionally get into trouble especially with mouthing-off.

Well, she mouthed off a little too much to her parents and they disciplined her in a way that I think is awesome. The little girl, who’s about 6, loves shoes. So what they did was take away all her pairs of shoes except for some ugly tennis shoes. In order for her to get her shoes back, she has to work for them. So far, she got 2 pairs back.

I clapped when I heard this story! Parents disciplining their children? Hooray! And what a creative way of doing so at that. I definitely made a mental note of that in case we were to ever have a daughter and she loved shoes as much as I did.

Busy Day, Very Little to Say

09.25.2010

I really have very little to say today only that I’m quite thankful that I don’t have to think about what to do about a “little one.” I’ve been getting ready for a project for tomorrow and it’s taken every ounce of my energy and focus to prep for it; translation: I’ve been working about 10 hours a day in prepping and getting about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. If I had to think about entertaining a child, I’d probably lose my mind. How do mothers do it?

Friday, September 24, 2010

And the Scales Tip Yet Again

09.24.2010

I’ve been struggling lately with trusting my decisions because I tell myself that what I’ve decided isn’t perfect and it pisses me off how much of my childhood issues still creep up. I can’t help but wonder how much of these issues that are damaging to my own self-esteem would be transferred over to any child that I may have, thus, damaging theirs.

I logically understand that there’s no such thing as perfection but this is easier said than believing. I’ve forever battled a duality within me where one side wants to throw caution into the wind and the other recites the law and/or the Bible. The latter usually wins and, though I’m not complaining much by living on the straight and narrow, I often feel like I miss out on a lot of fun because I’m constantly trying to be perfect. We don’t learn about ourselves by being perfect, we learn by making mistakes. So why is it so difficult to accept these mistakes? I mean, one of my fears is making the mistake of having a child by “ruining” my life or “ruining” the child’s life because of something I did or didn’t do. I’m still sorting through traumatic childhood experiences and poor judgment on my mom’s part. How is this fair?

When I have such thoughts, it underscores that we pro-create not out of a desire to really have a kid but out of a selfish, biological necessity. Babies are cute because if they weren’t there’d be no drive to protect them. We didn’t know our great-grandparents personally and our great-grandchildren won’t know who we are; therefore, the fact that we have a child satisfies the immediate drive to pro-create, as well as an immediate emotional need to feel like we’re a part of something here and now.

Based on this, it’s hard to convince myself that having a child is “the right thing to do” when it’s more of an act of selfishness to have something I could ostensibly call “mine” during my lifetime because after that, only my kid(s) will have any memory of me and maybe my grandchildren.

Makes for a bleak picture, doesn’t it? Leave it to me.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Seeking Help to Quell Nausea

09.23.2010

OK, moms… Someone I know is dealing with morning and all day sickness. Anyone else experience it really badly? What worked for you? She has tried peppermint tea, ginger and some other things but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

A Room with a View

09.22.2010

If you’ve read past entries and remember, you know I’ve lived in my apartment for 27 years. As a result, I’ve lived in every bedroom at different points in my life so you can imagine that I should know the view from each window pretty well. But, as this morning proved, I don’t.

Before going on my walk, I decided to be good and stretch. While stretching my quads, I looked out of the window and noticed that I could see this one house’s attic. It took a moment to realize that that’s what I was looking at and then I was taken aback. How many times did I look out of this same window and how did I never see an attic?

Then, while on my walk, I reached a street that’s on my route and, for reasons that don’t matter, decided to cross it and walk on the other side. I started to notice scenes that I had never seen before. I questioned how after 31 years of living in the same town, how did I never notice certain building’s designs and architecture, windows, colors and shapes?

By this point in the morning, I had two examples of looking at something I saw for decades and it appearing different. This got me thinking. What if I shifted my own kaleidoscopic perspective on having kids and looked at it through different shapes and colors?

So I did.

I imagined we had a kid of about three and he was in the car with me singing his ABCs from the backseat. I imagined our daughter asking “Why?” after anything and everything I said. I imagined her being held by Rob as he swung her up and down, giggling.

I then imagined midnight feedings, diaper changes, and temper tantrums. I imagined holding her hand at the doctor’s office as she got a shot or feeling bad that I worked late and missed bedtime. I imagined feeling both scared and elated for his future and insecure of my decisions. I imagined family gatherings and family vacations, and even alone time with Rob talking about all the silly things our kid says and does.

This exercise made me think about how it doesn’t matter how conservatively or liberally we live our live. We are creatures of habit; we like our patterns and rituals. It’s hard to force yourself to look through the same window of your life and see something different because we often don’t pay attention to the details. But when it happens, whether consciously or by accident, the experience offers an awakening to the fact that there’s more to life than the daily grind.

The conclusion to my kaleidoscopic shift of a possible future with a kid is –

Well, let’s say that I liked what I saw. Poopy diapers and all.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Nutritional Reference for Pregnancy

09.21.2010

Now that I know of a number of people who are pregnant, I decided to look up what’s a good base of a nutritional chart to refer to when thinking about what foods would be good to eat while pregnant. Here’s what I found.[1]

  • Nutrient Protein
  • Needed for cell growth and blood production
  • Best sources lean meat, fish, poultry, egg whites, beans, peanut butter, tofu

  1. Nutrient Carbohydrates
  2. Needed for daily energy production
  3. Best sources breads, cereals, rice, potatoes, pasta, fruits, vegetables

  • Nutrient Calcium
  • Needed for strong bones and teeth, muscle contraction, nerve function
  • Best sources milk, cheese, yogurt, sardines or salmon with bones, spinach

  1. Nutrient Iron
  2. Needed for red blood cell production (to prevent anemia)
  3. Best sources lean red meat, spinach, iron-fortified whole-grain breads and cereals

  • Nutrient Vitamin A
  • Needed for healthy skin, good eyesight, growing bones
  • Best sources carrots, dark leafy greens, sweet potatoes

  1. Nutrient Vitamin C
  2. Needed for healthy gums, teeth, and bones; assistance with iron absorption
  3. Best sources citrus fruit, broccoli, tomatoes, fortified fruit juices

  • Nutrient Vitamin B6
  • Needed for red blood cell formation; effective use of protein, fat, and carbohydrates
  • Best sources pork, ham, whole-grain cereals, bananas

  1. Nutrient Vitamin B12
  2. Needed for formation of red blood cells, maintaining nervous system health
  3. Best sources meat, fish, poultry, milk (Note: vegetarians who don't eat dairy products need supplemental B12)

  • Nutrient Vitamin D
  • Needed for healthy bones and teeth; aids absorption of calcium
  • Best sources fortified milk, dairy products, cereals, and breads

  1. Nutrient Folic acid
  2. Needed for blood and protein production, effective enzyme function
  3. Best sources green leafy vegetables, dark yellow fruits and vegetables, beans, peas, nuts

  • Nutrient Fat
  • Needed for body energy stores
  • Best sources meat, whole-milk dairy products, nuts, peanut butter, margarine, vegetable oils (Note: limit fat intake to 30% or less of your total daily calorie intake)

My Favorite Childhood Books

09.20.2010

I’ve been thinking about my two favorite books when I was little. They are incredibly dear to me and I still have the original copies given to me, though I can’t remember by whom. What’s strange, is looking at the books, not only do memories flood me but, I step outside of myself momentarily, and it’s uncanny how much each describes me to a tee. No wonder they were my favorite books and no wonder they are of the few that I chose to keep after 20 years.

I purposefully won’t tell you what each book is about (you have to trust me) because it's my way of insisting that even if you don’t have kids to find a copy of each and read them. Especially the first one…and I challenge you to not have tears in your eyes…

Higglety Pigglety Pop! or There Must Be More To Life by Maurice Sendak (Harper & Row Publishers, 1967)

The Great Menagerie – An Adaptation of the Antique Pop-Up Book (No author; Published in 1979 by The Metropolitan Museum of Art but originally published by J. F. Schreiber of Esslingen, Germany in the 19th Century)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Stranger, an HIV Test, and Peace

09.19.2010

Sometimes we find ourselves stressed and annoyed at the littlest things and it’s never until we’re faced with a reminder of the preciousness of life that we may think back to those moments of stress and annoyance and think, “May I have many more of those.” Yesterday, I experienced such a moment.

I was out with my sister running errands one of which was to the thrift store Out of the Closet. While she shopped, my back started to ache so I found a place to sit. This location offered free HIV testing and the only place for me to sit was in the waiting room. I took one of the two chairs and grabbed a magazine.

A guy in his late 20s or early 30s sat down next to me. We had actually both been looking for a bathroom earlier and were directed to the nearby Rite Aid. So, as bathroom buddies, he must’ve felt like we already crossed some sort of milestone because he immediately opened up. He asked if I was there for an HIV test and when I shook my head, he nervously told me that he was and was now waiting for the results.

He told me about a partner who told him he was HIV negative but then admitted he lied. He said that he started to notice changes in his body and it scared him into coming in to take the test. Shakily he pondered, “Is my life about to change forever?”

I felt helpless. For some reason our paths crossed and I, for one second, hated that they did. I’m horrible at coming up with words of wisdom on the spot or offering up some…what? What do you say to someone in that moment? “I hope it’s a negative result” just seems too much of a “well, duh” thing to say. So I decided to just listen because perhaps he just needed to know that someone was listening.

He was then called and my sister, by now, was done shopping. I told her what just happened and that I wanted to cry because I could feel his fear and I wanted him to be OK. While we were at the register, I kept looking to see if he’d left yet and I seriously considered waiting so that I would know the results too.

As we turned to leave, I saw him walk out with a big grin on his face. He was negative. I gave him a hug and he thanked me several times. In this moment, I had a connection with a complete stranger. It didn’t matter who he was, what his sexual orientation was, or where he came from. For a few minutes, we were two humans who stood together at a threshold where one person’s path could’ve gone one way or another. He needed a friend and a phantom hand to hold and I happened to be there at the right time, and for that I am truly grateful.

I also thought about all the people who bear so much hatred for gays and disregard their emotions, their needs and struggles, and teach this intolerance to their children. The compassion I had for this person, I feel, helped him and didn’t make him feel alone because, after all, isn’t that what we all strive for in the end? To not feel alone? It made me thankful to be who I am and should we ever have children, I feel that both Rob and I will be able to parlay that compassion, understanding and love. My hope is that they inspire others to do the same.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Holding Parents Accountable

09.18.2010

The topics of education, our children’s future and our investment in it have been a passion of mine since I was a kid. Part of the reason is because my mom was a teacher. I grew up witnessing the demands, pressures and rewards that come with serving in education. I myself could only handle it for two years, and the only thing I miss is working with students, though, I try finding different ways of working with them.

As a former full-time educator, and one who still teaches once a week, I think it’s outstanding that steps are being taken to hold teachers accountable. Yes, the current steps don’t take the entire picture into consideration but they’re steps that can re-shaped and reconfigured. Think of all the teachers you’ve had and I’m sure you can think of at least one that should not have been teaching. We make sure that our educators are properly trained and certified so that they can enter a classroom but there’s no guarantee that how they pass along the information will be successful.

Now, what about parents? No one wants to touch this issue but I will. Anyone can be a parent. There is no class you have to take, no lessons to prepare, no certification needed. I understand that enforcing this is impossible because there’s no way to have one manual on parenting, but when are parents going to take responsibility for their and their kid’s behavior? It starts with admitting to who your kid is really. Too many parents convince themselves their kid can do no wrong or has no challenges.

As a teacher, I can immediately figure out what parents value and I can tell what’s going on between them (whether they’re getting along or not). The only other person your kid spends a huge amount of time with (if not more) is a teacher. I’m not saying teachers know it all; they don’t. But the issues you have at home play out in the classroom and a teacher has to deal with it throughout the school day. If you had a bad morning and took it out on your kid, the teacher will have to console or discipline. Abuse happening at home? The teacher deals with it by either trying to get a withdrawn child to focus on his/her work or stop him/her from bullying other kids. Do you know how much time and energy this takes up often during class time? Because of one child’s misbehavior, 20-30 students pay the price.

I’m so tired of teachers getting spat on and looked at as having the easiest job in the world based only on the facts that the day “ends” at 2:30/3 o’clock and that they get so many vacations. You know what I did Thanksgiving 2001? Graded papers the entire 4 days. My 10-day Christmas vacation? Filled with researching projects and lessons. A typical week was 60 hours and my annual salary was $25K with no pay during the summer. This isn’t a “woe is me” story. I would just like to see parents be held more accountable and admit if their kid is having problems (emotional, a learning disability, or something else) because if you don’t try to fix something, it’ll get worse. I promise you. Look at the state of our education system now. No one wants to step forward and say, “Enough. We are in this together. Who is with me?”

Friday, September 17, 2010

Schools Kill Creativity

09.17.2010

I long ago came to the conclusion that society stifles creativity and, as we get older, sucks it dry so that by the time we reach the age of 18, we’re conditioned to think that only the math and sciences = good and that the arts = bad.

If the world were run by the likes of Vejune, I’d make those in college follow one of these two formats:

  1. Pick a major in the sciences or business
  2. Pick a minor in the arts

Or

  1. Pick a major in the arts
  2. Pick a minor in the sciences or business

I don’t think enough people with a job-guaranteed major like pre-med have a balanced background in the creative arts just like I don’t think those who major in the arts think about their financial future and take enough classes in economics, marketing, or business.

In the following video, Sir Ken Robinson speaks much more eloquently on this topic than I ever could and even though it is 20 minutes long, I highly encourage taking the time to listen to what he has to say. He’s funny, engaging and makes a whole helluva lot of sense.

Gluten and Dairy-Free Spider Web Muffins

09.16.2010

Ok, a more pleasurable topic for today. I picked up a magazine called Living Without because it had gluten-free and dairy-free recipes in it. Ok, I’ll be honest. The reason I picked it up is because it had very cute spider-web-designed cupcakes on the cover. But the gluten-free, dairy-free recipes were enticing too.[1] I swear.

I wanted to share the recipe because it sounds good and they really do look cute. I don’t have a diet that’s gluten-free (though I think I should) but I try to stay dairy-free and am always looking for recipes that honor that.

Before I share the recipe, though, the magazine had a separate article on Halloween parties for kids with allergies. Parents have come up with a different way to celebrate Halloween with their kids if they don’t go trick-or-treating (because of allergies). I thought the food ideas for the party were creative and that the party’s emphasis shouldn’t be the food (gasp!) but on the various activities. This is such a great idea because, as one parent said, kids will mostly eat whatever at a party. It’s the playtime that they want to get to. One interesting thing that a mom did is make “bowls” out of fruit (like an orange or grapefruit) and fill it with treats. As they say, it’s all about the presentation!

Spider Web Muffins – Makes 20

4 cups gluten-free All Purpose Flour Blend (see recipe below)

4 tsp baking soda

3 tsp baking powder

2 tsp salt

1 tsp xanthan gum

1 cup coconut oil (I’d use applesauce to cut down on calories)

1 cup honey

1 cup + 2 Tbspn milk of choice (for non-dairy, I usually use vanilla flavored soy milk though rice milk or almond milk cook better but are more expensive)

1 Tbspn pure vanilla extract

3 tsp lemon juice

1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (I’d probably use 1 ½ but then I rarely follow a recipe to a tee)

1. Adjust oven rack to the middle position. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line 2 standard muffin tins with liners.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together flour blend, baking soda, baking powder, salt and xanthan gum. Add oil, honey, milk, vanilla and lemon juice to the dry ingredients. Stir well until batter is smooth. Gently fold in the blueberries until they are evenly incorporated throughout the batter

3. Use 1/3-cup measure to spoon batter into prepared muffin cups. Place muffins in preheated oven to bake for 25-28 minutes, rotating the muffin tin after about 15 minutes. To test for doneness, a toothpick inserted in the center of the muffin should come out clean. If tops are browing too quickly, cover them loosely with aluminum foil for last 10 minutes of baking time.

4. Remove from oven when done and cool muffins in the tin for 15-20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and cool completely. Before decorating, freeze muffins for at least 1 hour to make them firm.

Each muffin contains 248 calories, 11g total fat, 9g saturated fat (yikes!), 0g trans fat, 0mg cholesterol, 573mg sodium (double yikes!), 37g carbohydrate, 1g fiber, 1g protein. (Weight Watchers points = 5.)

Frosting

1 cup (2 sticks) Earth’s Balance Buttery Non-Dairy Spread or unsalted butter, room temperature

3 cups powdered sugar, divided

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

2 Tbsp milk of choice

Food coloring for web design (I’d stay away from traditional food coloring because it has artificial colorings. Whole Foods has natural food coloring but two things: one, it’s very expensive and you have to buy the colors separately – and they don’t have always have them in stock - and two, the colors won’t be as bright and vivid as the artificial ones.)

1. Using an electric mixer on low speed, cream together buttery spread and 1 cup powdered sugar. Gradually beat in remaining two cups of sugar, scraping the bowl frequently.

2. Add vanilla and milk and continue beating on low speed until icing is smooth and creamy.

3. Place ¼ of the icing in a separate bowl. Add food coloring to make black icing (2 drops red, 2 drops blue, 1 drop green). [I’d probably make a different color, like red or brown because you can’t mix the natural ones together; it doesn’t work. I’ve tried].

4. Spread white icing over muffins while they are still frozen. Spoon the black icing into a decorating bag fitted with the smallest opening or use a re-sealable plastic bag and snip a 1/16th-inch hole in the corner of the bag. (Wow, that’s specific. I’d just cut a small hole and see what happens.) Starting in the center, pipe concentric circles of black frosting over the top of each muffin. Use a toothpick or the tip of a sharp knife to draw 6-8 lines from the middle of each muffin the edge, creating a spider web pattern.

Each frosted muffin contains: 399 calories, 20g total fat, 13g saturated fat, 0g trans fat, 0mg cholesterol, 670mg sodium, 55g carbohydrate, 1g fiber, 1g protein. (Weight Watchers points = 10.)

Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour Blend

½ cup rice flour

¼ cup tapioca starch/flour

¼ cup cornstarch or potato starch

Each cup contains: 436 calories, 1g total fat, 0g saturated fat, 0g trans fat. 0mg cholesterol, 99g carbohydrate, 3mg sodium, 2g fiber, 5g protein.


[1] Living Without, October/November 2010, Vol. 13, No. 6, www.LivingWithout.com

Child Sex Trafficking

09.15.2010

I have to admit that today is actually the 17th. My schedule the past few days hasn’t allowed me to be home 12-15 hours per day but, I knew on this day’s morning while at the gym, that I wanted to respond to a report on CNN that I saw about Craigslist.

I knew that adult services were advertised on Craigslist and though I may not like it, as long as adults are willingly and knowingly engaging in these services, I don’t have enough of a problem to be enraged. (I have my opinions about prostitution and the issues it brings up but this isn’t the time or place.) What I do have a problem with is Craigslist allowing for advertising for child trafficking. This is unforgivable.

CNN reported on a woman whose 12-year old girl was abducted in April on her way to school and by sheer chance and conversation with friends, neighbors and authority, she found her daughter on Craigslist, in a wig and a compromised position being sold for sex. And there was nothing she could do other than call the authorities and try to nail the pimp. Luckily, they did but it took months. Even though mother and daughter are reunited, the damage is done. This girl will be in therapy for the rest of her life.

I can’t even begin to explain how angry this makes me. And it’s not just the child trafficking; let’s put that aside for a moment. Where the hell do Craiglslist’s execs get off by allowing for this kind of advertising to take place? Where the fuck are their morals? Has money become that much of a priority, that much of a necessity to allow for little girls to be advertised for sex? How does whoever green lit those ads sleep at night? How do those execs go home to their families and be proud of the decisions they made that day? How can they look into any child’s eyes, much less their own if they have them, and feel good about knowing that they allowed for someone’s daughter to be exposed publicly and sold so that some disgusting, poor excuse for a human being can make money?

We pay for this, people. We all pay for this because that girl’s essence is ruined and if she doesn’t get proper help, she will turn to a life of drugs and maybe even go back to prostitution because that’s what she’s told she’s worthy of. If she does get proper help and pulls through, think about all the other girls who don’t and turn to a life of crime and/or drugs. These decisions affect us societally, financially, and environmentally, and it turns my stomach.

p.s. Here’s some more info on this topic: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/node/14087

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Seeking Baby Shower Gift Help

09.14.2010

OK, mommies…I need some help. I was invited to a baby shower and I, unfortunately, can’t go but I want to get the mommy-to-be something anyway. She is, of course, registered at various places but I'd like to find out from you moms out there what were some items that you really wished you had for the 1st year of baby’s life that you didn’t have because you didn't think to register for them or any items that you found you needed more of (besides diapers).

Thanks!

Monday, September 13, 2010

All In Due Time

09.13.2010

Rob came home last night and told me about his experience at a friend’s house while watching the football game. An 8-year old boy was left with the group while his mother and friend went out for the afternoon. As you can imagine, an 8-year old in a room filled with “old” men doesn’t exactly mean tons of fun for a kid.

Eventually, Rob overheard the boy feeling bad about the way things were going and decided to ask the kid about a video game that he was playing earlier. The fact that the video game was Star Wars made them instantly connect. Within minutes, the boy was buddying up to Rob and asking a bunch of questions about the game and how to play it, and Rob said he felt so good to be able to calm this kid down and be able to relate to him. I observed Rob tell this story and, like what I’ve noticed over time, his (Rob’s) behavior towards kids has greatly altered…it’s become warmer and more inviting.

The clincher to this story was that, at one point, the boy turned to him and asked if he’d be spending the night to which Rob replied, “No.” The boy then grew a long and sad face which, Rob said, tugged at his heart…he didn’t like seeing the boy disappointed.

....There are several things at play here for me. First, I’m lucky to have a husband who isn’t closed off to the idea of having kids. If anything, he’s just waiting for the green light from me. Secondly, I’m lucky to have a husband who makes it a point to try and relate to kids on some level so that he/she doesn’t feel out of place or awkward. And third, I’m lucky to know that if we have a kid, he/she is going to have an amazing dad.

Sometimes I Need a Break from Myself

09.12.2010

Today I really felt overwhelmed with the topic of this blog. I also felt weighed down with my analytical nature and agonizing over this topic, weighing one option over the other. It’s exhausting!

I don’t want to sit down and have to think about how I feel or what I see around me. The topics that I could write about are endless, of course, but I need a break from my tendencies to observe and scrutinize.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Teens Don't Have to Be Aliens.

09.11.2010

Today was the first day of Lithuanian school, and I decided before summer to go back and teach because after a year’s break, I missed the routine (even though every Saturday morning as I rush to get out the door I ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” Although I use more colorful language.) But most importantly, I wanted to go back because I’m realizing with each year that I’m losing more of the language.

I’m teaching 8th graders and I’m at the point where I chuckle to myself each time I tell someone because the commons response is, “Ugh, how can you do that?” When I taught full-time, I taught junior high and absolutely loved it but, at Lithuanian school, I always taught 4th graders because I didn’t trust my language skills to be able to communicate appropriately especially if there would be disciplinary issues.

Anyway, I couldn’t be happier with my decision and am thrilled to pieces to be working with the group of kids that I have this year (whom I had as 4th graders). The thing that people forget about teens is that if you reason with them, if you put yourself out there to see them eye-to-eye, they will return the respect. Think about it. What do teens want? They want to be heard and understood and if you provide that kind of an environment for them, they will work for you. As long as they know that they are safe and there is no judgment, they will open up and it’s precisely that opportunity that I like to provide for them. Teens are just awakening to the world around them and are learning to experience so many different emotions that I relish in being able to help guide them into helping them find their identity.

And a little thing I learned about myself today…to trust myself more and to give myself a bit more credit than I do. I even had the boys raising their hands and willingly participating in class discussion…in Lithuanian! That’s pretty damn good, if I may say so myself. It almost makes me want to have a teenager…

…I said almost

Endings

09.10.10

Death. It doesn’t matter who we are, what we believe in or how we behave. The only thing that truly unites us universally is that we all will one day be but a mere memory.

To have so many people die at about the same time is a bit…heart-wrenching especially when two of the deaths are so closely related to my childhood. I don’t wish pain on anyone with whom I’m no longer friends but I know that my former friend (and her family) are going through a lot. Their mom wasn’t Lithuanian but the community adopted her in and every summer at scout camp, she (the mom) was the head cook where we all worked with her at some point during our chore rotation. We adored her. She always had a smile on her face and was already ready to sit and talk with you whenever you needed.

Her husband is and always was a huge flirt but no matter how much he’d flirt his way through a room, when he looked at his wife, there was undying love and devotion. You couldn’t miss that in his eyes. In fact, they were a rare example for me growing up that a marriage can last. I have this foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach that he may pass in the next year himself because having to live without her might be too much.

It’s a strange feeling to lose someone from your childhood. On a day-to-day basis, we don’t pay attention to the ticking clock of our life but when a death occurs, it makes you stop and ponder the years that have gone by. And those memories, at least for me, are always bittersweet.

Rest in peace, A. You will be missed.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Momentary Writers Bloc

09.09.10

Today is a continuation of yesterday; however, for different reasons. In the span of about 10 days, the L.A. Lithuanian community lost 4 people. I know 3 of these people who died, two of whom are from my childhood. One of the deaths really took me by surprise and I’ve been in a bit of a daze all day so I can’t quite sit down and write out anything. I will tomorrow…

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Superman

09.08.2010

I think my brain is too consumed with all the bullshit that is happening in the world politically starting with that idiot pastor in Florida who wants to burn the Quran on Saturday to the upcoming governor and senator elections in CA to just being tired of being angry because I have nothing interesting to write about today.

The only baby-related incident that I could write about is that on my walk this morning, I saw a father carrying his little kid in his arms and holding him like Superman. The father walked really fast to make it look like he was flying while the mom pushed a stroller behind them. I thought this was really sweet and it put a smile on my face. But then I came home and opened the paper…

…Sigh…

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Hypocrisy at Its Best

09.07.2010

I don’t think I’ve made it a secret how I feel about organized religion; however, I respect a person who believes and follows through on their beliefs. I don’t necessarily want those beliefs forced down my throat but if you say you follow a doctrine and go to mass every week and participate in activities, e.g., then I can see you’re a devout follower. What irks me is those people who say one thing and do the other.

There are people that I know of who are not religious by any means yet carried out a specific religious ceremony like a wedding, a baptism or communion in order to please family, friends, or a community. I don’t understand this.

Some years back, there were a bunch of women I knew of who were getting married and held their ceremony in a church but the last time they stepped foot in any church was at the age of 16. The only reason they were getting married in the church was because of their guests or their parents insisted that a priest marry them. Or, as in once case, a rabbi marry them. (It’s like having a shotgun marriage because, somehow, no one’s gonna figure out that a baby is born 6 months later. If we pretend something is one way then it must be true, right?)

This doesn’t make sense to me. I got lectured for not getting married in a church – especially the Lithuanian church. Now, in this same church, I see people going through various ceremonies from baptisms to communions to confirmations without ever stepping foot inside prior to that ritual. But you look at the pictures from these events and everyone’s standing at the altar proud as proud can be and…I just don’t get it. What is the purpose of going through a ritual if you don’t believe in it? I think it cheapens the whole experience and it cheapens the process for anyone who truly believes in the rite of passage that these rituals hold. And not to mention the negative subtext of the lesson a child learns from this experience. It's one thing to turn a new leaf but it's another to pretend to be a part of a community that never meant anything before and won't after.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Pregnancy Cubed

09.06.2010

In this past week, I found out that three women whom I know are pregnant, two of whom are family members. I found out about two of the pregnancies in one conversation within minutes of each other and, though I’m thrilled for all three women, I kind of felt blindsided.

I feel like everyone around me is getting older, making rational decisions, buying homes, having children, and I’m still lost in the wilderness waiting to get the memo.

In addition to feeling blindsided, I felt…sad. For myself. I’m sure all three women are feeling an array of emotions and I don’t know the details of their planning process (except for one), but I felt sorry for myself because it wasn’t me with the news. (Keep reading, I bet what I’m about to say isn’t what you’re expecting.)

I don’t want to be pregnant and then relay the news to everyone. What I want is the confidence that these women have in the decision to have kids. This lack of confidence cuts on a deeper level every time I hear that someone I know is pregnant. I’m not saying that these women are not scared or aren’t worried (and I honestly am thrilled for them), but they made a decision and they forged onward. This is what I don’t have and this is what makes me sad.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Mind Thinks, The Heart Feels

09.05.2010

In the Los Angeles Times Magazine today, I read an interview with Milla Jovovich. This woman interests me for a strange reason and, when I disclose it, you will think me insane. Yes. You will. I used to have a major crush on actor Balthazar Getty and, as teens, they used to date, and…I hated her for that. I mean, she took away the guy who would fall in love with me the moment he saw me as soon as I were to find an opportunity to present myself to him. Now, 20 years later, she interests me because, in my head, we have history. (I told you you’d think me insane.)

Anyway, there’s something she said in the interview that resonated with me.

The question: VH1 has dubbed you the Reigning Queen of Kick-Butt. Does that help or hinder in getting dramatic roles like the one in Stone?

Her answer: You know, at this point in my career, I can’t imagine anything could hinder me, aside from myself. Having a baby really kind of changed my whole outlook. Before, it was more me being too into my head – too self-centered or insecure about this and that. Now, if my baby is not sick, if she sleeps okay, is eating well…that’s all any mom can ask for. With that kind of new outlook, people can’t help but feel that from you and look at you differently. Now I love to go on auditions.

I know it may seem weird that I identify with her without having a kid myself but there’s a part of me that understands “being too into my head – too self-centered or insecure.” I don’t have kids so I live in my own head for however much I want. I can be self-centered and I’m definitely insecure. I don’t think these necessarily go away completely once you have kids. But I think perspective on them changes because it’s no longer all about you.

I also relate on the level that once you have an attitude adjustment about something, the world takes notice. I’ve had a major attitude adjustment in my life since the beginning of summer and, having come to certain conclusions, I noticed the positive response from the world around me. This change in my life has proven what an important lesson it is to listen to your heart because the answers to all our questions, frustrations, and worries are there. We may not like what we hear but that’s when we should especially listen. Our mind may think it knows best but sometimes we need to give the controls over to the heart however insane that may make us look. Trust me. I know a thing or two about that.

A Birth Story

09.04.2010

If anyone is reading this and has had a child, I welcome sharing your child’s birth story, your feelings, thoughts, etc. Especially if it’s a funny story.

I haven’t given birth, but I will still share a birth story. While in college, I worked at a coffee shop and one day a new manager came in with her little girl (about 1 yrs old) and she and I immediately bonded. I started babysitting after my shifts and on the days I wasn’t going to school, and very soon after my boss got pregnant again. In the 9 months, I grew very close to the family and, because they were having a home birth, they asked me to participate and watch their daughter. I agreed, flattered and not knowing at all what to expect.

Around the time of the due date, I went out with my best friend one night to do our usual ritual of dinner at Johnny Rockets and a movie. But for reasons I can’t remember, we were back at my house at about 9 pm and my mom said that I got a call from the expecting parents, who I'll call Sarah and Ted. I returned the call and Sarah’s water had broken and wanted me ASAP. Luckily I lived 2 minutes away, so I went to their house and one hour went by, the next hour went by, then the third. Nothing was happening. Somewhere close to midnight they sent me home but then at 4:30 am they called again. Sarah was in hard labor.

Once at their house, I went to get the girl, who was with one of the midwives, but I had to cross the parent’s bedroom to get to her. As I crossed the room, I glanced at the bathroom where Sarah was sitting on the toilet in extreme pain with Ted holding her head/hair in the palms of his hands. I don’t know how to explain how in awe I was with this image. There was such beauty in that moment despite the moans of pain coming from Sarah.

The little girl (who had just recently turned 2) and I hung out in the kitchen occupying ourselves with various activities until about 6 am when we were called in to the room where Sarah was, by now, in an inflated tub of water. 18 minutes later their son was born. In those 18 minutes and immediately following, I felt such power and even more beauty that even though I wasn’t physically giving birth myself, I understood why people consider the birth of a baby to be such a miracle. It was nothing like how you see it on TV or the movies… There was such a sense of spirituality and a deeper, unexplainable gift given to me in those moments that, at the risk of sounding cliché, it transformed me. Hearing that little baby take his first breath was magical. Next month he turns 14 and, unfortunately, the family no longer lives in CA. As a result, I recently found out that his memory of me is fading which wrenches my heart. But my memory of him won’t fade. Of that I can be sure.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Lights! Camera! Memories.

09.03.2010

When I was eight/nine years old, I discovered the world of film or, I should say, the seed that was planted when I saw Star Wars at the age of three began to sprout. I grew up with foreign students living with us and, at that time, there was a group from Japan, France, and Switzerland who were all fans of movies and who would let me tag along when they went to a kid-friendly movie. Those are such great memories for many reasons, one being that I got to delve into other worlds. And not just the movie’s world but my curiosity about the world behind the camera began to grow (that Star Wars seed).

What I most remember about my favorite movies from that time (and my list is below) is their story. There was no dependence on special effects or sexy wardrobe to sell box office tickets. It was the story that brought tears, that brought laughter and that brought cheers and, though I admit to not watching kids’ movies today unless they’re Pixar, I don’t know if story really applies anymore. I see movies like Spy Kids and Beverly Hills Chihuahua and I wonder how much story exists over product placement and special effects. But maybe I’m wrong and what I’m remembering is not so much the actual movies but the happy memories they brought...

My list (in no particular order and between my ages of 8-12):

- The Goonies

- Explorers

- The Journey of Natty Gann

- Lady and the Tramp

- Bambi

- Annie

- Adventures in Babysitting

- The Empire of the Sun

- Amadeus

- E.T.

- The Karate Kid

- The Neverending Story

- Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

- An American Tail

- Flight of the Navigator

- Benji: The Hunted

- Short Circuit

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Tears, Chocolate and Letting Go

09.02.2010

Ever have one of those days where the tears just roll down your cheeks? You cry because you can’t open the jar of peanut butter and the chocolate is getting lonely. You cry because a bad driver cut you off and he’ll never know. Then you cry because you’re crying and you’re an adult not a three-year old that then makes you cry even harder because you’ve just compared yourself to a three-year old. Well, I had one of those days.

If my thought bubbles were ever seen, there’d be much confusion, but there would be one that would be clearly seen: I am scared.

Scared of what?

You name it. Spiders, bugs, flying, losing control, having too much control and not living my life, part of my past catching up with me…having a kid…

There’s a woman that I know who chose to never have kids because she was terrified of what it would do to her body/figure. How shallow! I thought. And to let fear dictate you like that...

But looking into the mirror, I ask, how different am I? One of the main reasons I don’t want kids is because of fear. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of losing myself. Fear of losing touch with my husband. Fear of losing my freedom. Fear of regret.

I spewed all these images of fear to someone who then replied, “There are things you’ll give up, yes. But there are things you’ll gain too.”

I know that when one door closes, another one opens. I understand that something has to be given up in order to gain another. Yes, there are moments where I miss being single but would I give up my husband in order to be single all the time? No. I may miss what I now see as the “carefree” days of my teens and early 20s, but would I go back to that time? No.

Kids are a risk and there’s no guarantee. But so is getting in a car and driving across town. So is marriage. So is life. The only guarantee is that there is no guarantee. When I look to all other aspects of my life, I apply this so much more readily. In fact, I welcome it. I like that I have to unravel the mysteries that come my way and be surprised. Why is it so difficult to apply this same strategy to having kids?

Perhaps today’s tears weren’t so much about the fear of what’s to come but more about the fear of one day needing to let go of the only life I’ve ever known.